Style Invitational Week 969: Couple It — pair a line of poetry with your own, funnier one; plus this year’s winning horse names

April 26, 2012

And it’s Post time for the second race on our annual horse-“breeding” card; in its ninth year, it spins off this week’s results, which should give you an idea of what we’re looking for. This week: “Breed” any two “foals” in today’s results, and name the “grandfoal.” You may also use the extra foals that appear in the online version of Week 969 at wapo.st/StyleInv. Just as for the original contest, the name may not exceed 18 characters, including spaces, and your entry shouldn’t remotely duplicate any of today’s results. And you’re again limited to 25 entries.

Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the Lincoln-statue bobblehead that is the new Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives the shapely figurine pictured here (as of Friday morning, the full photo wasn’t showing up on this page); the creepy wires snaking out of where her head and arms should appear are presumably intended to hold jewelry. Donated by longtime Losers J.J. Gertler and Sandra Hull; J.J. explained to the Empress that when he and Sandra found it in West Virginia, “we both immediately thought of you.”

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt, a yearned-for Loser Mug or the new, ardently desired Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air “freshener” (Fir Stink for their first ink). E-mail entries to losers@washpost.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, May 7; results published May 27 (online May 25). No more than 25 entries per entrant per week. Include “Week 969” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/StyleInv. The alternative headline in the “Next Week” line is by Chris Doyle; the subhead for this week’s honorable mentions is by Kevin Dopart. Join the Style Invitational Devotees on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev .

Report from Week 965

Our hugely popular annual contest in which we give you a list of 100 horses nominated for this year’s Triple Crown races, and ask you to “breed” any two and name their foal: The Empress pondered each of the more than 5,000 entries, of which literally hundreds were very clever. If your very clever entry isn’t listed below, it’s because the E doesn’t like that thing you do with your eyebrows. Cut it out already.

The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial

Holy Highway x The Lumber Guy = Om Depot (Susan Thompson, Cary, N.C.)


The lovely antenna-headed woman that is this week's second prize.

2. Winner of the six fake mustaches: Flashy Sunrise x Alpha = Greet the Nude A (Doug Frank, Crosby, Tex.)

3. Stat x Wrote = ASAP’s Fables (Laura Bennett Peterson, Washington)

4. Tiger Walk x Holy Highway = Fairway to Heaven (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.; Stephen Gilberg, Washington)

Not exacta: Honorable mentions

Discreet Dancer x One Sock Down = Amish Stripper (George-Ann Rosenberg, Washington, whose one previous Invite ink was 17 years ago)

Daddy Long Legs x Harvard N Yale = SAT on a Tuffet (Mark Eckenwiler, Washington)

Rousing Sermon x Motor City = Praise the Ford! (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)

Souper Speedy x Neck ’n Neck = Instant Canoodles (Brad Alexander, Wanneroo, Australia)

The Lumber Guy x Stepping Lite = Paul Bunion (Marleen May, Rockville, Md.; Laura Bennett Peterson)

Cyber Secret x Liaison = eLope (Carly Ball, Rockville, Md., a First Offender)

A Boy Named Em x Explain = Elle Was Taken (Harvey Smith, McLean, Va.)

All Stormy x Points Offthebench = Raining Buckets (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

Awesome Address x Fed Biz = Pork Avenue (Catherine Hagman, Silver Spring, Md.; Jeremy Levin, Washington)

Mr Percussionist x Backdoor Strike = Keith Mooning (Mike Gips)

Barber Shop Rock x Done Done Done = Did-Wop (Nan Reiner, Alexandria, Va.)

Drill x Big Monster = J. Paul Yeti (Roy Ashley, Washington)

Boat Trip x Holy Highway = Rowed to Damascus (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park, Md.)

Class President x Rousing Sermon = Summa Cum Loud (Rick Haynes, Boynton Beach, Fla.)

Neck ’n Neck x Harvard N Yale = Kiss My Ascot(Rob Wolf, Gaithersburg, Md.)

Daddy Long Legs x Battle Hardened = Iraqnid (Susan Geariety, Menifee, Calif.)

Empire Way x Ever So Lucky = Appian Carefree (Jonathan Paul)

Fed Biz x Awesome Address = Luxury Cubicle (David Ballard, Reston, Va.)

The Lumber Guy x Grouse = Forest Grump (Alex Mantle, Buffalo, Wyo., a First Offender)

Diplomat x Segway = Ambassadork (Larry Yungk, Arlington, Va.)

Alpha x Diplomat= Bits and Peaces (Phyllis Reinhard, East Fallowfield, Pa.)

Gung Ho x PoliticallyCorrect = Gung ServiceWorker (J.D. Berry, Springfield; Laurie Brink, Cleveland, Mo.)

Harvard N Yale x I’ll Have Another = One for the Rhodes (Dion Black, Washington)

Pretension x Julius Caesar = Prig Latin (Christopher Lamora, Guatemala City)

Julius Caesar x Late Night Action = Et Tu, Booté (Brian Cohen, Lexington, Va.)

My Adonis x Julius Caesar = A Perfect X (Rob Wolf)

One Sock Down x Google My Grandson = Cyber Stocking (Mark Eckenwiler)

Souper Speedy x Space Race = Matzo Ballistic (Eric Fritz, Silver Spring, Md.)

Finnegans Wake x The Lumber Guy = James Joist (Ellen Raphaeli, Falls Church, Va.)

Exfactor x Monastic = Simon Cowl (Matt Monitto, Elon, N.C.; John Winant, Bellevue, Neb.)

Holy Highway x Overdriven = The Bible Beltway (Valerie Matthews, Ashton, Md.; Mike Gips)

Conserve x Mr Percussionist = Muir Cowbell (Jonathan Hardis, Gaithersburg, Md.)

Union Rags x Secret Circle = AFL/CIA (Susan Thompson)

Diplomat x Neck ’n Neck = Henry Kissing Her (Catherine Hagman)

Late Night Action x Street Life = Sex Fifth Avenue (Chris Doyle)

I’ll Have Another x Conserve = I’ll Halve Another (Russell Beland, Fairfax, Va.)

Battle Hardened x Drill = La Femme Makita (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)

Plated x Fed Biz = Brass Tax (Bernard Brink, Cleveland, Mo.)

Late Night Action x Flashy Sunrise = Where Are My Pants (Greg Pearson, Arlington, Va.)

My Adonis x Saturday’s for Fun = Myth Congeniality (Dudley Thompson, Cary, N.C.)

Big Monster x Backdoor Strike = Butt Kraken (Chris Doyle)

Boat Trip x Captain Obvious = No Ship, Sherlock (Russell Thompson, Cary, N.C.)

Diplomat x Cop a Tude = Yo, I Got Immunity (Christina Courtney, Ocean City, Md.)

Monastic x Gemologist = Kneel Diamond (Robert Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.; Kathy Hardis Fraeman, Olney, Md.)

Gameday News x Julius Caesar = ESPQR (Jonathan Paul)

Algorithms x Backdoor Strike = Tipper Over (William Verkuilen, Brooklyn Park, Minn.)

Julius Caesar x How Do I Win = Take a Stab at It (Harvey Smith)

Unmarked Bills x One Sock Down = Two Dollar Hose (John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)

Thunder Moccasin x State of Play = Wiijuns (Dudley Thompson)

Space Race x Points Offthebench = SputKnick (Mike Hammer, Arlington, Va.)

Verne x Segway = In Eighty Months (Dave Prevar, Annapolis, Md.)

Captain Obvious x Isn’t He Clever = No (Greg Pearson)

Alpha x Gung Ho = Never Felt Beta (Nandini Lal, Bethesda, Md.)

Groovin’ Solo x Isn’t He Clever = Do Wit Yourself (Susan Thompson)

Union Rags x Wrote = Yankee Doodled (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

Mr. Handsome x Awaited = G. Queue (Rick Haynes)

Souper Speedy x Algorithms = Ramen Numerals (Rob Wolf)

Drill x No Spin = Doesn’t Auger Well (Larry Yungk)

Mr Percussionist x Liaison = Timpan Ally (Barrie Collins, Long Sault, Ontario)

Barrymore x Harvard N Yale = Lionel Richies (Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.)

Finnegans Wake x Rousing Sermon = Finnegan’s Woke! (Dave Zarrow, Reston, Va.)

Groovin’ Solo x Motor City = Auto Eroticism (David Smith, Santa Cruz, Calif.)

Barber Shop Rock x Rousing Sermon = Four-Part Homily (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

Neck ’n Neck x Whistleblower = Deep Throat (Mia Wyatt, Ellicott City, Md.; Stephen Gilberg)

Awaited x Barber Shop Rock = Pate Pending (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

Zip Top x Unyielding = Just First Base (Mark Richardson, Washington)

Verne x Whistleblower = 20,000 Leaks (Dudley Thompson)

Visit the online discussion group The Style Conversational, where the Empress discusses today’s new contest and results along with news about the Loser Community — and you can vote for your favorite among the inking entries, since you no doubt figured the Empress chose the wrong winner. If you’d like an e-mail notification each week when the Invitational and Conversational are posted online, write to the Empress at losers@washpost.com (note that in the subject line) and she’ll add you to the mailing list. And on Facebook, join the far more lively group Style Invitational Devotees and chime in.

Still running — deadline Monday night — is our contest for stupid grant proposals: See wapo.st/StyleInv; click on “Week 968.”

Next week: Inkremental Change, or Wonk, Work, Dork

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