School food: It is NOT true that the noodles that the cafeteria ladies serve on Wednesday are made of tapeworm poop.
The Post’s Sunday opinion section, Outlook, runs an ongoing feature called 5 Myths, in which an essayist presents what he says are five common misconceptions about some topic and then explains (or argues) why each isn’t true. This week, at the suggestion of Loser Ward Kay: “Debunk” a “Sixth Myth” about one or more of these recent 5 Myths topics, as in the example above. Our list starts with “The Bust That Will Follow the Boom(ers),” a 2008 5 Myths piece by Russell Beland, the No. 1 Style Invitational Loser of All Time, who moonlights at the Pentagon as deputy assistant secretary of the Navy for military personnel policy.
The Style Invitational
The Style Invitational is The Post’s weekly humor/wordplay contest, serving up since 1993 an irreverent mix of highbrow and lowbrow -- haughty and potty -- in genres ranging from neologisms to cartoon captions to elaborate song parodies. A new contest appears at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational every Friday.
• The bust that will follow the boom(ers)
• White people
• America’s decline
• Female voters
• Super PACs
• The presidency
• The American Dream
• Abraham Lincoln
• School food
Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the Style Invitational trophy. Second place wins an especially distinguished navy blue T-shirt with a giant yellow Spam logo and a photo of a hunk of Spam pretending to be a roast ham, spiked with cloves and everything. Donated by Dudley Thompson.
Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt, a yearned-for Loser Mug or the new, ardently desired Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air “freshener” (Fir Stink for their first ink). E-mail entries to
or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, June 18; results published July 8 (online July 6). No more than 25 entries per entrant per week. Include “Week 975” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/StyleInv. The subhead for this week’s honorable mentions is by Roy Ashley; the alternative headline in the “Next week” line was submitted separately by Christopher Lamora and Tom Witte. Join the Style Invitational Devotees on Facebook at
Report from Week 971
in which we asked you to create a two-volumes-in-one book by pairing an actual title with another real title or a fictional one: “A Confederacy of Dunces” was bound with just about everyone’s particular favorite organization to disparage; “To Kill a Mockingbird” was often matched with “101 Unusual Poultry Recipes.”
The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial
“An Unfinished Life: John F. Kennedy, 1917-1963”
“A Totally Finished Life: John R. Edwards 1953-Who Cares”
(Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)
Winner of the anatomically correct “she-cozy”: “Catch-22,” by Joseph Heller/ “Drop 23,” by Santana Moss
(Mike Caslin, Round Hill, Va.)
3. “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother”/ “What to Expect When You’re Expecting Too Much” (Carol Applegate, Reston, Va., a First Offender)
4. Bill Clinton: “My Life” / “The Adventures of Captain Underpants” (Les Greenblatt, Ann Arbor, Mich.)