Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives an extraordinarily tacky little sculpture, entirely made of seashells, of a cat (?) driving a motorcycle. Donor Nan Reiner has made it even more, um, compelling by painting “Loser” on the “license plate” and the red A of what used to be the Style Invitational print logo, embellished with flames. This is the best tacky shell sculpture we have offered as a prize since the famed “Shells Playing Poker” of 2009.
Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt, a yearned-for Loser Mug or the ardently desired Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air “freshener” (Fir Stink for their first ink). E-mail entries to
or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Aug. 6; results published Aug. 26 (online Aug. 24). No more than 25 entries per entrant per week. Include “Week 981” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/inviterules. The subhead for this week’s honorable mentions is by Kevin Dopart; the alternate headline in the “Next Week” line is by Matt Monitto. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at
Report from Week 978
in which we asked for news-themed “framed couplets,” tiny verses with lots of rules: Each of the two or four lines had to have exactly nine syllables in the iambic (ba-DAH) meter, except that they had to start and finish with accented syllables — like all the ones in today’s results. And not only did each pair of lines have to rhyme, but the first syllables of each pair had to rhyme, too. And of course, the verses had to be humorous, even if darkly so.
The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial
GOP’ers wail about Barack:
“He puts forth a socialistic crock!”
Say the Dems, “Well, Mitt and Ann are snobs.”
Hey — do you guys have a plan for jobs?
(Nan Reiner, Alexandria, Va.)
Winner of the children’s book “Doctor Proctor’s Fart Powder: Bubble in the Bathtub”:
Candidate Obama can relax.
“’Mandate,’ ” Roberts said, “just means a tax.”
“Why!” cried Romney, “What you say’s not so!
I invented it, so I should know.” (Robert Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.)
3. Morsi, Egypt’s president, should fear:
Fortune kicked Mubarak in Tahrir. (Christopher Lamora, Guatemala City)