If something you do is erroneous,
It’s wrong, or unwise, or baloneyous.
In this poem you’ll find
Two examples in kind:
I am using two words that are phonyous.
We ran a limerick contest a couple of months ago — it was to sum up a book, movie or TV show — but that can’t put off our annual August visit to Oedilf.com, the Omnificent English Dictionary in Limerick Form. Since 2004, when it started with A, Chris J. Strolin and his anapestic acolytes have supplied more than 75,000 limericks, each illustrating a particular word or term. Last year at this time, OEDILF was working on the beginning of the E’s; now we’re all the way up to . . . This week: Supply a humorous limerick significantly featuring any English word, name or term beginning with the letters “eq-” through “ez-,” as in the example above by the ever-obliging Style Invitational fan Gene Weingarten. See wapo.st/limrules for our fairly strict rules on limerick rhyme and meter, and see Oedilf.com for submitting limericks there after this contest is over.
Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a set of 19 rotting-zombie Mirror Clings, various stickers of oozing brains, empty eyeballs, spouting blood, etc. The idea is that you stand in the mirror and can pretend to be a zombie without actually going through the procedure. Donated by the in-no-way-undead Nan Reiner.
Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt, a yearned-for Loser Mug or the ardently desired Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air “freshener” (Fir Stink for their first ink). E-mail entries to firstname.lastname@example.org or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Aug. 20; results published Sept. 9 (online Sept. 7). No more than 25 entries per entrant per week. Include “Week 983” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/inviterules. The subhead for this week’s honorable mentions is by Kevin Dopart. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev.
in which we listed a set of nifty neologisms that Losers had created in Week 976 by combining two words, but hadn’t accompanied with very nifty definitions. Sure enough, crowdsourcing produced more niftiness. Lots of Losers thought that “ego-fast” was the perfect moniker for Usain Bolt, not just because both words apply so well to him, but also since it works phonetically.
Nixotica: Pictures of Pat in short sleeves. (Paul Burnham, Gainesville, Va.)
2. Winner of the Stress Relief Kitty: Punfail: A wan-liner. Or a sinking quip! Or a snortcoming! How about a wisecreak? Wait, I know, how about. . . (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
3. Egoperate: To take someone down a peg or two. “He was going around the bar like he was God’s gift to women, so Jill had to egoperate on him.” (Jon Reiser, Hilton, N.Y.)
4. We-cation: A trip without golf clubs (Ward Kay, Vienna, Va.)
Mentra: Ommm-plate, ommm-fries, ommm-brew . . . (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.; Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
Beemen: An interjection said when you don’t really agree with a statement. “The Redskins have a shot this year? Beemen to that, brother.” (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.)
Beerate: To give an alcohol-inspired analysis of another’s character. “Jones, who no longer works here, soundly beerated the boss at yesterday’s happy hour.” (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)
Prevolving: P-revolving: How Oliver and Orville write their names in the snow. (Laurie Brink, Cleveland, Mo.)
biPod: MP3 player that also comes with a headphone jill. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Bipod: A school of whales that swim both ways. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
Egofast: To spend a weekend thinking only of others. My egofast is the keystone of my Spiritual Actualization regimen; I’m really growing as a person and realizing some of my greatest personal development. Now that I have rebalanced my chakras . . . (Kevin d’Eustachio, Greenbelt, Md.)
Frankenfriendly: Having a “nice personality.” (Zadoc-Lee Kekuewa, Springfield, Va., a First Offender)
Frankenfriendly: Pertaining to cosmetic surgeons who will obligingly give you as many procedures as you want. “Joan Rivers must have a very frankenfriendly doctor.” (Bruce Niedt, Cherry Hill, N.J.)
Frankenfriendly: Said of people who are good enough, and smart enough, and doggone it, their heads are bolted on right. (Pie Snelson, Silver Spring, Md.; Edmund Conti, Raleigh)
Diffecation: The strangely disconcerting act of going number two in someone else’s bathroom. “It was only our second date, so there was no diffecation until I got home.” (David Genser, Poway, Calif.)
Harpoonerisms: Salty word inversions, such as “Doby Mick ticked his flail and bapsized the coat.” (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)
Hyphoon: An unending stream of TV commercials: “Oh no, not another political-ad hyphoon right in the middle of ‘NCIS’!” (Brian Allgar, Paris)
Ignorent: Having lots of “available space” on your “top floor.” (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
Ignor-ENT: The doctor you see when you have a lot of fluff between your ears. (Jennifer Cohen, Bethesda, Md.)
Manese: A dialect of the English language featuring such inexplicable expressions as “that’s what SHE said.” (Anne Paulin, Gaithersburg, Md., a First Offender)
Losery: A failed winery. (Jon Reiser)
Mentra: The society for guys who only know one good story. (Russ Taylor, Vienna, Va.)
Beemen: The secretion of a honeybee when fertilizing a flower: “I love the corsage, but there’s beemen all over it.” (Neal Starkman)
biPod: Operates on AC and DC. (Steven Alan Honley, Washington)
Briswards: Forward at a speedy clip. Derived from the expression “Come on! Chop chop!” (Laurie Brink)
Briswards: Where one goes when the injury is not serious enough to require a stay in the Bobbittwards. (Cheryl Davis, Arlington, Va.)
Butthoven: Famed for his Asstoral Symphony in B-Flatus (Ellen Raphaeli, Falls Church, Va.)
Egojunctions: Places for making “I”-contact. (Beverley Sharp)
Egojunctions: Penalties for excessive celebration. “The NFL announced that referees will start giving 15-yard egojunctions for players tweeting about their touchdowns before they actually cross the goal line.” (David Genser)
Egotor: Peter Parker if he had been bitten by a radioactive Donald Trump. (Bernard Brink, Cleveland, Mo.)
Flattivist: 1960s feminist who bought a bra for the sole purpose of having something to burn. (Paul Burnham)
Harpoonerisms: Such barbed word inversions as “This week the Losers engaged in more wasteful turd-play.” (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
Mentra: A phrase repeated over and over to bring forth a higher level of consciousness, such as “My eyes are up here, jerk.” (Jeff Hazle, Woodbridge, Va.)
Nixotica: Lust-suppressing literature. “To calm her libido, Pam leafed through her nixotica photo collection of jowly men with sweaty upper lips.” (Phyllis Reinhard, East Fallowfield, Pa.)
Polikin: A guy who isn’t unemployed (Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)
Prevolving: The frantic process of polling and focus-grouping to determine whether a politician’s beliefs have evolved. (David Genser)
Underuck: Deal-breaking skivvies, such as fraying granny panties and “Home of the Whopper” boxer shorts. (Pam Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.)
We-cation: Pleasure trip taken by Queen Elizabeth. (Mike Gips)
Gen-ew: Millennials’ nickname for baby boomers. (Brad Alexander, Wanneroo, Australia)
Losery: The back page of the Sunday Style section, where the Invitational appears. “Paul and Ringo were secretly pleased to see the Rolling Stones review exiled to the Losery on their 50th anniversary.” (Paul Burnham)
Losery: Almost funny enough for ink. “’Folse’s entries are losery, but not quite magnetic.” (John Folse, Bryans Road, Md.)
Still running — deadline Monday night — is Week 982, our song parody contest. See wapo.st/invite982
Visit the online discussion group The Style Conversational, (published Fridays) in which the Empress discusses today’s new contest and results along with news about the Loser Community — and you can vote for your favorite among the inking entries, since you no doubt figured the Empress chose the wrong winner. If you’d like an e-mail notification each week when the Invitational and Conversational are posted online, write to the Empress at email@example.com (note that in the subject line) and she’ll add you to the mailing list. And on Facebook, join the far more lively group Style Invitational Devotees and chime in.