Style Invitational Week 987: Bank shots — reinterpret a Post headline by adding a ‘bank head’

Real Washington Post headline: Md. agency on a mission to unclog greasy sewer arteries

Fake bank head: ‘Stop eating all those Big Macs,’ health dept. urges seamstresses

(By Pat Myers) - This week’s second-place prize: The Japanese mini-potty complete with rubbery mini-poo.

In this perennial Invite contest — formerly called “Mess With Our Heads” when space used to allow it in the print paper — we ask you to take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from Sept. 6 through Sept. 17 and reinterpret it by adding a “bank head,” or subtitle (like the joke bank head offered under the actual Post headline above). For heads in the print paper, include the date and page number; for heads from the Web, give the date and copy a sentence or two of the story (even better, copy the URL from the address bar). You don’t have to use the entire headline, but don’t skip words or change the essential meaning by cutting off the end, as from “President kills bill” to “President kills.” Headlines in ads and subheads within an article (as well as actual bank heads) can be used, as well as one-line links to articles online, but not photo captions. See last year’s results at wapo.st/inv920.

Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives an especially weird little toy from Japan, home to many, many weird toys. This one comes in a plastic capsule a little bigger than an egg, and features a teeny plastic pink potty containing two even teenier piles of bright yellow rubbery poo. Given out, appropriately, as a door prize at the Losers’ recent awards luncheon, the Flushies. Donated by Marleen May.

Other runners-up win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug or the ardently desired Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders receive a smelly, tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). E-mail entries to losers@washpost.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Sept. 17; results published Oct. 7 (online Oct. 4). No more than 25 entries per entrant per week. Include “Week 987” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/inviterules. The subhead for this week’s honorable mentions is by Kevin Dopart; the alternative headline in the “next week’s results” line is by Tom Witte. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev.

Report from Week 983

our annual Limerixicon, in which we seek limericks focusing on a word from a sliver of the dictionary — this year it was eq- through ez-:

The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial

When poor Fido is “no longer here,”
We use words that are soft but less clear.
We may say he’s “passed on”
Or “put down” or just “gone” –
See, we’ve had the dog euphemized, dear. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)

2. Winner of the rotting-zombie Mirror Clings:
From my exorcist (feeling hard-pressed)
I beseeched time to pay. Should have guessed
He would say there’s no way.
I must settle today,
Or tomorrow I’ll be repossessed. (Stephen Gold, Glasgow, Scotland)