Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt, a yearned-for Loser Mug or the ardently desired Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air “freshener” (Fir Stink for their first ink). E-mail entries to
or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, July 23; results published Aug. 12 (online Aug. 10). No more than 25 entries per entrant per week. Include “Week 980” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/inviterules. The subhead for this week’s honorable mentions is by Jeff Contompasis; the alternative headline in the “next week’s results” line is by Chris Doyle. Join the Style Invitational Devotees on Facebook at
Report from Week 976
in which we asked you to combine the beginning of one word or name appearing in that week’s Style Invitational or Style Conversational with the end of another word to make a new term: Shockingly, we got many entries featuring the syllable “poop”!
The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial
Ignorial: A monument that nobody visits.
(Robert Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.)
Winner of the “Pat the Politician” parody book:
Hyattsvilification: The reflexive dismissal of anything located in Prince George’s County. (David Smith, formerly of Greenbelt, Md.)
Enthusala: A 90-year-old man on Viagra. (Christopher Lamora, Guatemala City)
Bristen: To welcome an infant boy into the Jewish and Christian faiths simultaneously; also known as “Snip ’n’ Dip.” (Larry Gray, Union Bridge, Md.)
Sub-merges: Honorable mentions
Eroti-tistical: “I’m sure it was good for you, too.” (Julie Thomas and Will Cramer, Herndon, Va.)
Disc-gust: The reaction of every generation to the next generation’s music. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)
Part-protected: Unprotected. (Brad Alexander, Wanneroo, Australia)
Atchoo: The inevitable direction in which someone else sneezes. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
Vow-ill: Wedding-related nerves, often accompanied by a cry of “ai-ai-ai.” (Steven Alan Honley, Washington)
Don-thing: A charitable name for Trump’s hairdo. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)
Face-fax: An office prank in which the perpetrator tends to get caught. (Rob Wolf, Gaithersburg, Md.)
Om-boy: A member of the Dalai Lama’s posse. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
Beet-head: Well, you said you hated being called “carrot top.” (Edmund Conti, Raleigh, N.C.)
Badmired: Ill-behaved yet still respected. — Bill C., Chappaqua, N.Y. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
Mornication: A little something to start the day. (Larry Gray)
Jeleton: The internal strength of a politician. (Brad Alexander; Sarah Gustafson, Vienna, Va., a First Offender)
Charport: A house’s garage after its owner tries out that new turkey fryer on a cold Thanksiving day (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)
Crockney: A comically bogus East London accent, like Dick Van Dyke’s in “Mary Poppins.” (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)
Poopier-mache: Really scratchy TP. (Chris Doyle)
Exwards: Where most celebrity marriages are heading. (Andy Bassett, New Plymouth, New Zealand)
Ousty: In the mood to remove someone from office. “Wisconsin voters weren’t as ousty as previously thought.” (Jeff Contompasis)
Ding-mon: Jamaican for “more cowbell.” (Ellen Raphaeli, Falls Church, Va.)
Loincraft: The art of being a porn star. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
Grampoo: Hair-care product that leaves your hair smelling like BenGay and boiled cabbage. (Larry Gray)
Poospaper: Excreta! Excreta! Read all about it! (Larry Gray)
Her-otica: “Ooh, baby, I wanna do your laundry.” (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)
Erot-ish: PG-13. (Elva Salcedo, Williamsburg, Va., a First Offender)
Memopause: When the ink in your pen dries out. (Mike Gips)
Gradualate: Take seven years to get a BA. (Chris Doyle)
Inkday: Every Sunday, of course. — C. Doyle (Judy Blanchard, Novi, Mich.)
Still running — deadline Monday night — is our “tick people off” contest. See wapo.st/inv979.
Visit the online discussion group The Style Conversational, in which the Empress discusses today’s new contest and results along with news about the Loser Community — and you can vote for your favorite among the inking entries, since you no doubt figured the Empress chose the wrong winner. If you’d like an e-mail notification each week when the Invitational and Conversational are posted online, write to the Empress at firstname.lastname@example.org (note that in the subject line) and she’ll add you to the mailing list. And on Facebook, join the far more lively group Style Invitational Devotees and chime in.
Next week’s results: Lost in Translation 2.0, or Lingua Pranka, in which we sought some funny mistakes in the Google Translate process. This contest was hilarious in 2004; what did we get in 2012?