The Style Invitational 'joint legislation' results with translations

Every two years, with the start of each session of Congress, the Invitational presents its “joint legislation” contest in which we ask you to combine the names of two or more (often many more) freshman members of the House and/or Senate. And while it’s not exactly unheard of for someone to read some entry in some week’s Invite and say, “I don’t get it,” the joint legislation, with its sound-based jokes, tends to provoke more “Whaaa?” than usual; what can be duhh-obvious to one person can be totally mystifying to another. The inking entries below were all clear to me, but as Empress, when I’m reading more than 5,000 of these things in the space of a few days, I get pretty good at decoding them.

Hence this alternative version of the results of Week 1005, with translations or explanations after most of the entries. To see the results without the answers — and you definitely should try that first — click HERE.

The Style Invitational

The Style Invitational is The Post’s weekly humor/wordplay contest, serving up since 1993 an irreverent mix of highbrow and lowbrow -- haughty and potty -- in genres ranging from neologisms to cartoon captions to elaborate song parodies. A new contest appears at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational every Friday.

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The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial

The Heck-Pocan-Cook-Rice bill to eliminate the food stamp program. (Rick Haynes, Boynton Beach, Fla.) [Heck, po’ can cook rice!]

2Winner of the “Welcome to Loserville” sign: The Kildee-Warren-Yoho Act: Aims to end the fighting in another one of those countries you’d never heard of. (John Glenn, Tyler, Tex.) [Kill de war in Yoho]

3 The Takano-Schatz bill to study why the Capitals seldom score. (Steve Fahey, Kensington, Md.) [Takin’ no shots]

4 The Warren-Kildee-Kennedy amendment to the Castro-Kildee-Kennedy Act, specifying that all conspiracy-theory research funded by the act include at least one really epic plot twist. (David Smith, Santa Cruz, Calif.)

Lower billing:

honorable mentions

Barr-Pocan-LaMalfa bill to limit how much gum-jabbing a dental hygienist may do during a routine cleaning. (Rob Wolf, Gaithersburg, Md.) [Bar pokin’ la mouth, or, with a hose stuck in it, la mowf]

The Hirono-Schatz Act to subsidize gun silencers (Rob Cohen, Potomac, Md.) [Hearin’ no shots]

The Collins-Collins Act to reduce legislative redundancy. Followed closely by the Murphy-Murphy Act to reduce legislative redundancy. (*Andrea Schmahl, Front Royal, Va.)

The Cotton-Kennedy, Kennedy-Barr and Kennedy-Kaine acts to raise the BMI threshold for obesity. (Danielle Nowlin, Woodbridge, Va.) [Cotton candy, candy bar, candy cane]

The Barr-King-Cook bill to grant honorary U.S. citizenship to Gordon Ramsay. (Christopher Lamora, Guatemala City) [The chef is a barking cook]

The Bustos-Titus-Heck resolution to investigate the safety of the athletic compression bra. (*Tom Buckley, Centreville, Va.) [Bust is tight as heck]

The Collins-Murphy-Collins-Murphy-Vargas Act to promote diversity in law firms (*Meagan Keefe, Fairfax Station, Va.)[The token minority.]

The Wagner-Bustos Act to provide training for exotic dancers. (Chris O’Carroll, Emporia, Kan.) [Waggin’ her bustos.]

The Donnelly-Veasey Act to establish limits on emigration. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) [Don’-a leave easy.]

DeSantis-Enyart-Titus-Cotton educational memorandum about the dangers of yoga pants at the beach. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.)[The sand in your tightest cotton.]