But a cramped house is just one of the challenges for the Kilmer family.
“We can’t stay in a hotel because the ratio of children to adults is too high,” says Jen. “We’re considered a fire hazard.”
When one person gets sick, it could be a month before the virus leaves the house, she says, and one-on-one time between a parent and child, and between spouses, is limited.
The biggest challenge, however, is money.
The day-to-day expenses for a family of 13 can be staggering. The Kilmers’ grocery bills alone run about $300 per week. Add a mortgage, car payments, medical bills and home and auto repairs and the cost of Catholic school, and it’s not surprising that some months they find it difficult to make ends meet.
“We don’t have a college plan for tomorrow,” says Jen, “because we’re trying to pay for the groceries today.”
To supplement his teaching income during the summer, Larry runs week-long sports camps and paints houses.
Jen is careful about spending, cuts coupons and find ways to work with what they have.
“I recently learned [to make] soup,” she says. “The kids eat veggies and I can stretch my meat.”
The couple say the generosity of others also helps them get by. “We’ll get bags of clothing on the doorstep, and I don’t even know who they’re from,” says Jen.
People have given the family clothes, furniture, meals and grocery gift cards without being asked, says Larry.
“Every year it happens more and more,” he says. “And their generosity allows us to be generous to others.”
The Kilmers frequently pass along clothing they no longer use to other families. Another wonderful lesson, they say, for the children.
Once, when most of the family was ill, word spread in the community. Within hours, family, friends, neighbors and colleagues appeared at their door to cook, clean and watch the children. For two weeks, meals were left by the front door.
Constant companions
On a recent rainy Monday afternoon, Jen picks up the older children from soccer camp; the little ones, Larry, Rosemary (whom they call Rosie) and Peter, are with her. When she arrives at the camp, the oldest eight climb into the van, tousling the baby’s hair and giving their mom a play-by-play of the day. From their car seats, 3-year-old Rosie and 1-year-old Peter are holding hands.
Later, as Jen prepares dinner, the six older boys, ages 4 through 11, have a lively Wii competition while Julie, 10, helps Rosie practice writing her name at the kitchen table and the older girls play with Peter. When Peter has had enough indoor play, Joe, 11, takes him for a walk around the neighborhood in the stroller.
“You always have someone to play with,” says Michelle, 10, about the benefits of having many brothers and sisters.
“You’re never bored,” says Christina, 12. “When you’re close in age with someone, you have best friends.”
Besides having built-in buddies, Jen says having so many siblings teaches the children leadership, teamwork, waiting their turn and helping one another.
“I feel very strongly that the best gift you can give a child is a sibling,” she says.
The rock of Faith
Jen recalls the days when the family had seven children younger than 7.
“I had to do everything for them from tying everyone’s shoes to buckling them all into their car seats,” she says. “That’s when I just really felt exhausted.”
She admits to crying sometimes under the weight of it all. But those “pity parties” are short-lived.
“I can only feel sorry for myself for so long because there is work to be done,” she says.
In the midst of the stress and commotion, the constant chorus of “Mom!” and the backbreaking pace, Jen remains calm and cheerful. It’s evident that part of what gives her peace as well as the confidence of knowing it will all work out is her Catholic faith.
“Somehow God provides,” she often says, “in ways you don’t even know.”
That faith guides the children as well. When he grows up, Tommy, 9, says he wants to be “a professional basketball player and a priest.”
“If I am a professional basketball player,” he says, “I’ll do that, retire and then become a priest.”
When asked if more children are in their future, Jen mentions her age and says, “Probably not, but we would love to. We would accept whatever comes.”
Chat live: Wondering how Jen Kilmer does it? Ask her yourself when she chats with staff writer Terri Sapienza about what life is like with 11 kids. Submit your questions now and join us for the chat at 1 p.m. Thursday.
Photos: See a gallery of daily life in the Kilmer family home here.
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