So Goodman, co-owner of an investment firm, listened on the Web on Friday as the Maryland House of Delegates debated same-sex marriage, his heart sinking when the bill was effectively killed for the year.
“I heard some people say they weren’t comfortable with the idea of same-sex marriage,” he said, describing himself as “crushed” and wavering between bitterness and sadness. “That word burns me. They weren’t comfortable with the idea of our civil rights? How long are we supposed to wait for our civil rights for their comfort? How much longer?”
Across Maryland and beyond, gay and lesbian couples expressed dismay and disappointment at the defeat of same-sex marriage — and a determination to bring up the issue again next year. Because the state is relatively liberal, many had expected the bill to pass. Some had even allowed themselves to begin thinking about a venue for their nuptials, and how many guests to invite.
“I was hoping to be even prouder to say, ‘I’m a Marylander,’ but I can’t say that now,” said Larry Burkhart, a nuclear engineer who followed the debate on Twitter from Paris, where he lives with a Frenchman he wants to marry and bring home to Rockville. “That’s a big disappointment.”
Nobody knows for certain how many Maryland couples are affected by the bill’s defeat. In a statistic that experts say they think is low, the 2000 Census counted 11,000 Maryland households headed by same-sex couples.
For now, same-sex marriages legally performed in other jurisdictions, including the District, are recognized by the state under an opinion issued last year by state Attorney General Douglas F. Gansler (D) .
Some couples say that’s good enough for now, and they will continue to wait for a legal same-sex marriage in Maryland.
“We’ll be back again next year,” said Jennifer Monti, 30, a Baltimore physician who had a commitment ceremony with Alli Harper last year. The women have been talking about starting a family, and wanted the legal protections and benefits that marriage provides.
“This stuff takes a long time,” Monti said. “It hasn’t been on the map for too long, and we made lots of progress already.”
David Robinson, a meeting planner who lives in Montgomery County, said he and his partner of 15 years had started talking about the kind of wedding they wanted, and who would officiate. They’ll keep waiting, making sure they have their wills and medical powers of attorney updated.
“I’m disappointed on a personal level,” Robinson said, “but I’m not discouraged. Same-sex marriage eventually will come. Till then, it’s going to be Connecticut, and Iowa, and here and there, until we get the momentum for it. The more and more states it’s a reality in, the more it no longer is unthinkable.”