I wonder what the opposite of a transit center is. A transnot center?
That question has been on my mind lately, what with the limbo the Silver Spring Transit Center finds itself in.
The transit center is where all the buses and commuter trains are supposed to neatly come together in downtown Silver Spring. Except, nothing much is coming together now, neatly or otherwise. The county says concrete was poured incorrectly in some places, which is bad news, since the thing is pretty much all concrete. The $101 million project has been delayed indefinitely. The builder insists there’s nothing wrong with it.
Who knows when it will get a clean bill of health and finally become a commuter hub. It may end up like that pyramidal North Korean hotel, which took 23 years to build.
And that’s why I think it isn’t too early to think about what should be done with the uncompleted hulk that is the Silver Spring Transnot Center. Here are some of my suggestions:
Skateboard park. What with its ramps, curbs and concrete outcroppings, skaters will find the transnot center irresistible. They sure liked the old one. I had to dodge them as I went to catch my bus and then would watch as they slowly ground down every curb, bench and planter. The dilemma, however, is how to get them to come to the transnot center. If they think it’s for them, they’ll avoid it like the plague. Posting a “No Skateboarding Allowed” sign should do the trick.
Paintball concession. I’m pretty sure that no Montgomery County paintball facility is currently reachable by subway. That’s inconvenient for car-less war games aficionados and corporate-team-building event attendees. The transnot center’s handy location and post-apocalyptic look make it perfect for paintball. Put in a few burned-out Toyota pickups and you could call it “The Mogadishu Experience.” Of course, for a real end-of-the-world vibe, why not turn the transnot center into a:
Zombie theme park. The undead have never been hotter. Zombies are everywhere: in books, movies, TV shows, Congress. . . . Silver Spring has a proud history when it comes to zombies. It’s the setting for the annual Zombie Walk, when thousands of ghouls walk stiffly through the streets after catching a horror movie at the AFI. With the right additions — some dry ice, funky lighting and animatronic figures — the transnot center could be the Six Flags of zombies.
Hanging gardens. I confess I don’t know what a hanging garden is, only that about 3,000 years ago people were crazy about them. Back then the Hanging Gardens of Babylon were on every tourist’s bucket list, sort of the way South of the Border is today. Two levels of the transnot center overlook Colesville Road. They’d be perfect for planting with interesting vegetation. Speaking of which:
Organic mushroom farm. Or bean sprouts. Or medical marijuana. Let’s grow something there. It would help reduce the carbon footprint and provide produce for area farmers markets.
Reality show set. The headquarters of Discovery is just across the street. Its producers could use the transnot center as a low-cost setting for all kinds of programming. For example: “Deadliest Catch” — Wearing nothing but baseball gloves, contestants have to catch nitroglycerin-filled tennis balls tossed from the top of the transnot center. “MythButhterth” — It’s all about a lady with a lisp who runs a gourmet cupcake shop called “Miss Buster’s.” Whenever she answers the phone, hilarity ensues. “Stromchasers” — Competing teams of historians race to study the curious life of late South Carolina Sen. Strom Thurmond. “Dirty Jobs” — Teams of lawyers fight to see who’s going to pay up for the mistakes made during construction of the Silver Spring Transit Center.
Light on
Speaking of Discovery: I’m a big fan of the lights that glow on the outside of the cable giant’s building on Georgia Avenue. I want them on 24/7. Alas, the lights are turned on only at night, and only at the darkest part of night at that. The colors typically rotate through a soft, pale palette, but Friday through Monday they’ll all be turning blue. It’s in honor of Autism Awareness Week, the theme of which is “Light It Up Blue.”
Celebrate good times
Have you sent me information on your high school reunion? E-mail it to me at the address below with “Reunion” in the subject line.
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