A war made personal

Lt. Gen. John F. Kelly, nominated to the powerful position of Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates's senior military assistant, knows firsthand the pain and loss of many military families caused by war. On Nov. 9, 2010, his son 2nd Lt. Robert Kelly stepped on a land mine in Afghanistan and was killed.

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Feb. 14, 2011

Lt. Gen. John F. Kelly, second from left, looks on as Lance Cpl. Sebastian Gallegos and his wife, Tracie, chat with the Marine Corps commandant, Gen. James F. Amos, at Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio. Kelly regularly visits wounded troops.

Nikki Kahn / The Washington Post

Feb. 14, 2011

Lance Cpl. Nicholas Perales, 22, of San Antonio chats with Gen. Kelly during Kelly's visit to Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio.

Nikki Kahn / The Washington Post

Feb. 14, 2011

Kelly waits in a hallway before visiting injured Marines at Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio.

Nikki Kahn / The Washington Post

Feb. 14, 2011

Lance Cpl. Sebastian Gallegos, 21, of Houston receives a Purple Heart from Kelly at Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio.

Nikki Kahn / The Washington Post

Feb. 14, 2011

Kelly listens to comments from Lance Cpl. Sebastian Gallegos, one of the Marines who served in Afghanistan with his son, 2nd Lt. Robert Kelly, at Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio. After speaking with scores of grieving parents and writing hundreds of condolence letters, "I guess over time I had convinced myself that I could imagine what it would be like to lose a son or daughter," Kelly says. "You try to imagine it so that you can write the right kind of letters or form the right words to try to comfort. But you can't even come close. It is unimaginable."

Nikki Kahn / The Washington Post

Feb. 14, 2011

Lance Cpl. Sebastian Gallegos, left, receives a hug from Kelly at the Purple Heart ceremony at Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio. Kelly urged Gallegos, who served with the general's son in Afghanistan, to accept the award. "Robert would want you to have it," Kelly said.

Nikki Kahn / The Washington Post

Feb. 14, 2011

Lance Cpl. Sebastian Gallegos chats with his wife, Tracie, after the Purple Heart ceremony. The Marine was torn about accepting the award because the bomb blast that had sliced off his right arm had also killed his friend and squad leader, Sgt. Ian Tawney. "I told him I loved him and watched him die," Gallegos said.

Nikki Kahn / The Washington Post

Feb. 14, 2011

Lance Cpl. Sebastian Gallegos, left, with his sister Crystal Gallegos, 23, and father, David Gallegos, share a laugh with Kelly after the Purple Heart ceremony. Gallegos, who passed up a scholarship offer from Columbia University to enlist, has a year of rehabilitation left and then plans to go to college somewhere in Texas, to be near family.

Nikki Kahn / The Washington Post

Feb. 14, 2011

Kelly arrives in San Antonio for the Purple Heart ceremony.

Nikki Kahn / The Washington Post

Feb. 14, 2011

Kelly catches up on some work during his trip to San Antonio. He has largely shunned public attentions since his son's death. "We are only one of 5,500 American families who have suffered the loss of a child in this war," he said in an e-mail. "The death of my boy simply cannot be made to seem any more tragic than the others."

Nikki Kahn / The Washington Post

2nd Lt. Robert Kelly, 29, stepped on a landmine while leading a platoon of Marines in southern Afghanistan. He died instantly. "It was disorienting, almost debilitating," his father said of hearing the news that his son was dead.

Family photo

Nov. 9, 2010

Marine Corps 2nd Lt. Robert Kelly conducts a security halt during a patrol in Sangin, Afghanistan, on Nov. 9, 2010, the day he was killed.

Lance Cpl. Dexter S. Saulisbury

Feb. 4, 2011

Heather Kelly, wife of 2nd Lt. Robert Kelly, married him in 2007. "I always think I do not want to call you because I will be homesick, but I end up doing it and leave the phone tent with a smile on my face," Robert wrote in his last e-mail to his wife. "I love you so much and appreciate you being a great sport in all of this craziness. . . . One month down and a lot of months to go, but I am doing what I want to do with my life."

Nikki Kahn / The Washington Post

Feb. 4, 2011

Heather Kelly is enveloped in a goodbye hug from her father-in-law, Lt. Gen. John F. Kelly, as she leaves after a visit to his home in the District.

Nikki Kahn / The Washington Post

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