Falling in love is all in our brains

This Valentine’s Day, as our collective thoughts shift to tender cards, heart-shaped chocolates, overpriced bouquets and other extravagant gestures of love, I can’t help but wonder what really attracts us to one mate over another. Is it hot sex? Fairy-tale romance? Destiny? Or are we merely at the beck and call of our hormones and brain circuitry?

Online dating sites trumpet their knack at identifying “chemistry,” but it turns out that basic biology may play at least as strong a role in love as do socialization, environment, fate and other factors. “We like to feel independent and free of the brain systems that regulate the mating habits and regimens of animals, but the fact is that we’re not,” says neuroendocrinologist Tom Sherman, an associate professor at Georgetown University School of Medicine. “The latest research indicates that some of our very complex behaviors — like love, courtship and pair bonding — are still regulated, to some degree, by a fairly simple set of neurochemicals.”

Video

From Snowmaggedon romance and dates at the Kennedy Center to falling in love on Capitol Hill, these are tales of relationships in the nation's capital. (Feb. 13)

From Snowmaggedon romance and dates at the Kennedy Center to falling in love on Capitol Hill, these are tales of relationships in the nation's capital. (Feb. 13)

Gallery

More on this Story

View all Items in this Story

Indeed, researchers have now identified three brain systems that are at work in mating and reproduction: lust, which is primarily mediated by the sex hormone testosterone; romantic love, which is primarily mediated by dopamine, a neurotransmitter that drives the brain’s reward and pleasure centers, and is characterized by craving and focused attention for just one person at a time; and attachment, which is primarily mediated by the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin and is associated with the bonding and security you often feel with a long-term partner.

These systems vary from person to person and can function discretely, together, or in all sorts of combinations, says one of the researchers, Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University and the author of “Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love.”

“That’s why you can feel deep attachment for one person, then swing into wild romantic love for someone else, then switch on the Internet, look at pornography and feel a sex drive that has nothing to do with any of those,” she says. “You can also look across the table and feel all of that for the same person, which is what we want on Valentine’s Day.”

Fisher adds that the interplay of such brain systems, along with the neurotransmitter serotonin, clearly lead to variations in temperament, which help explain why you can walk into a crowded room and fall madly in love with one person rather than another. “The reality is that we’ve got a very strong, powerful brain system for romantic love, and it can get triggered at any moment, but we will not fall in love with everyone that comes along: We have preferences, and those have to do, in part, with the way that our brain is built,” she explains.

However, it remains to be seen how big a part neurochemicals and brain circuits play in love and relationships.

“It’s hard to weed out how much is sociological and how much is biological,” says Lisa Diamond, an associate professor of psychology and gender studies at the University of Utah. “We know that there are huge cultural differences in the way we socialize women and men [about love and relationships], and now we know from animal research that there are biological differences.”

Loading...

Comments

Add your comment
 
Read what others are saying About Badges