His autistic son’s terrific memory helps him connect with others

The real question was: Did his memory need to make him solitary and isolated, or could it help him to connect with people?

‘He just knows’

(Gregg Segal/GREGG SEGAL) - Tom Fields-Meyer, left, says of his son Ezra, who is now in 10th grade: “He is far more connected to his classmates than he once was, and he reaches out much more, though rarely in typical ways.”

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He answered that question at a large family party when he was 12. His usual habit at such events, which could overwhelm his senses with noise and activity, was to flee and hide in a quiet corner or in the lobby. If people tried to interact with him, he wouldn’t notice, or he would fix his gaze on a picture book to avoid interacting.

This time, though, he surprised me by taking interest in the other guests, asking a cousin or a great-aunt, “What’s your name again?” His second question was always the same: “When’s your birthday?”

It was the same thing he’d asked so often as a little boy. But now when he got the answer, instead of just filing it in his mental index, he responded with a movie title: “June 19th? A movie that came out on your birthday was ‘Mulan.’ June 19th, 1998.”

I watched him do this again and again, sometimes reeling off his data so quickly that the person he was quizzing couldn’t understand: “November 13th? Movie-came-out-on-your-birthday-was ‘Beauty and the Beast,’ November 19th, 1991.”

Then he sashayed off to the next guest, leaving the person surprised and puzzled.

“How does he do that?” they’d ask.

I shrugged and offered the only only explanation I had: “He just knows.”

Now in 10th grade, Ezra likes to share what he knows. Still struggling in many realms — such as social interactions and focus in the classroom — he attends a special high school for children with autism and related challenges. He is far more connected to his classmates than he once was, and he reaches out much more, though rarely in typical ways. Ezra counts among his friends a couple of classmates with whom his encounters consist mostly of exchanging trivia about “The Simpsons” and Pixar movies. A dog lover, he commits dog encyclopedias to memory and likes to stop people with unusual breeds at the local dog park to lecture them about their pets.

He is also increasingly self-aware, understanding that the wiring of his brain makes him different from others, but no worse. Ezra still makes a habit of asking new acquaintances their birthdays and identifying a movie that came out that day. When they look at him, wide-eyed and delighted, he always points to his head. “Yeah!” he says with glee, “I have a very good memory!”

Fields-Meyer is a Los Angeles author and journalist. This essay is adapted from his new memoir, “Following Ezra: What One Father Learned About Gumby, Otters, Autism, and Love From His Extraordinary Son” (New American Library).