‘SpongeBob’s’ Krusty Krab is opening — in the West Bank


Overhead costs that don’t translate to landlocked Krusty Krabs: replacing windows when SpongeBob and Patrick inevitably drive a Krabby Patty-mobile through them. (Copyright Paramount Pictures and Viacom International Inc.)

You might have thought you would never be able to eat at the Krusty Krab, the fictive place of employment of one SpongeBob SquarePants and one Squidward Tentacles, because it is imaginary.

And even if “SpongeBob SquarePants” were somehow real, complete with talking, emoting sea sponge, and a squirrel friend who lives in a giant undersea bubble — save for vacations to her home state of Texas, of course — we humans would still have some serious logistical trouble reaching Eugene Krabs’s legendary moneymaking enterprise because, again, it’s on the ocean floor. One would think.

Well, one would be wrong, because a Krusty Krab is coming, folks — just for humans. A company called Salta Burgers is constructing a real life Krusty Krab in the West Bank city of Ramallah.

Sure, now that we think about it, Ramallah seems like it would be on a Buzzfeed list of “Places on Earth You Would Least Expect to Find a Krusty Krab restaurant” right after Baghdad, Sana’a, and Kabul — but construction is well underway, so that’s pretty much irrelevant now. The inside is practically complete:

 

On a more sobering note, fans and prospective customers left messages on the company’s Facebook page expressing hope that recent bombing doesn’t damage the building. The restaurant left a message on July 17 saying the opening date would be announced “shortly.”

According to the Hollywood Reporter, the Ramallah location isn’t the first Krusty Krab. There was one in Costa Rica that has since shuttered.

There are so many questions: Will the employees dress as the characters? Will there be franchise opportunities? What exactly comprises a Krabby Patty, anyhow? Will it offer gluten-free buns at a 200 percent markup? Will

All aboard the Krabby Patty Express. (AP Photo/Nickelodeon)
All aboard the Krabby Patty Express. (Nickelodeon via AP)

Nickelodeon sic its intellectual property lawyers on Salta Burgers and shut the whole operation down before anyone even has a chance to find out if the place will also offer kelp shakes?

For now, perhaps it’s just best to hope that the landlocked Krusty Krab follows more labor laws than its undersea inspiration. Remember when Mr. Krabs — an apparent stranger to the 40-hour work week — decided to add a graveyard shift staffed by none other than his daytime employees, Messrs. SquarePants and Tentacles?

“Isn’t this great Squidward? Just you and me together for hours and hours and hours! And then the sun’ll come up, and it’ll be tomorrow, and we’ll still be working! It’ll be just like a sleepover! Only we’ll be sweaty and covered with grease!”

— SpongeBob SquarePants

No word on whether the area will also be zoned for pineapple-based residences, or whether anyone has stepped up to build a competing (if doomed to fail) Chum Bucket further down the road.

h/t Hollywood Reporter

Soraya Nadia McDonald covers arts, entertainment and culture for the Washington Post with a focus on race and gender issues.
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