Help Wanted!

June 17

Last week I asked the elites to step up and address three of the world’s pressing problems. As a follow-up to that I then asked the oceans tides to stay put and the sun not to set. I got uniform results.

The three problems I asked for elite help on were Mass Species Extinction, Antibiotic-resistant Bacteria, and Climate Change. They are three huge crises that we are in the beginning stages of, and that the normal political processes are ill-suited to deal with. Thus, a job tailor-made for the elites to take the lead on. Elites both intellectual and financial.

Progress report? Well the elites have been a bit sluggish off the starting blocks since I fired the starting pistol. They more resembled Monty Python’s philosophers’ soccer match. And then it hit me, like a soccer ball in the back of the head! It IS the philosophy! Or rather, “philosophy.” Yes, the elites not only have no social, financial or practical interest in solving these particular problems, they have encushioned themselves  in a “philosophy” that assures them that the problems can’t exist! Yes, you guessed it: AynRandianism! (Known technically as Obnoxitivism).

Because look at the list of problems! All caused by the free market! Can’t be! Antibiotic overuse? OVERUSE?? What does that word even mean?? If somebody wants to feed antibiotics to their chickens and it’s profitable, END OF DISCUSSION! Coal burning? Show me the profit/loss numbers, and END OF DISCUSSION! Species?? They were out-competed! END OF DISCUSSION!

Maybe to my list of critical global menaces, I should add AynRandianism.

Tom Toles is the editorial cartoonist for The Post and writes the Tom Toles blog.
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Tom Toles · June 16