In the wake of the D.W.I. arrest of Browns wide receiver Josh Gordon, this Onion article gets it about right:

Ravens Warn Rookies To Save Some Extra Money For Bail

BALTIMORE—Reminding them that it’s something even the league’s highest paid superstars must do, Baltimore Ravens head coach John Harbaugh reportedly took time Monday to advise the team’s incoming class of rookies to set aside savings for future bail payments. “It’s imperative that you guys start putting aside some money here and there—even if it’s only a few hundred dollars each month in a savings account—for when you’re sitting in a county jail at 4 a.m. and need to come up with a surety bond,” said Harbaugh, reminding the incoming players that their financial planning should also cover any potential legal fees for subsequent court hearings…

In all seriousness, it’s unclear why professional sports teams don’t take more measures to prevent all the drunk-driving-related incidents that frequently land their players in jail and out of the game.

Cleveland Browns wide receiver Josh Gordon (13). (AP Photo/Tony Dejak)
Cleveland Browns wide receiver Josh Gordon (13). (AP Photo/Tony Dejak)

As one friend suggested to me recently, at-risk players could be required to either hire a driver or use a team-provided one during thehours of, say, 8 p.m. to 6 a.m. Players may not want a babysitter clause in their contracts, but teams could insist on them in the name of protecting their investments (not to mention public safety). A full-time chauffeur is what, $40,000 a year? That’s peanuts compared to a $5.3 million contract.

You wouldn’t need to require this for all players — just the big-name ones with past substance and/or disciplinary problems. Like Gordon.

Catherine Rampell is an opinion columnist at The Washington Post.