Hax Philes: The horror of the honeymoon registry

The March 28 chat asked:

What does one do when the couple’s only registry is a “honeymoon registry,” i.e., they only want cash for their honeymoon? I find this idea distasteful. Should I give in and give cash? Find a nice gift somewhere else? Not give a gift? FWIW, I am traveling across the country at significant expense to attend this particular wedding.

And here’s the cage match in the making …

Response 1:

I have to ask (to clarify, no, I didn’t do a honeymoon registry) – what’s the big deal? Is it the cash part? If so, lots of cultures give cash for weddings. Is it the asking part? I mean, a registry is already asking – they’re just asking for something cash instead of material goods. I’m completely against demanding/requiring/expecting gifts, but I feel like we’ve developed this automatic reflex to things that even have a whiff of cash to them. How is that any less tacky than asking for candlesticks? If you don’t want to get a gift, then don’t! No requirement. And if you have a great off-registry idea, then do it! But the idea of a registry is to tell people what they need (since guests often demand to know, trust me). So if they don’t need a toaster or candlesticks, but this is their chance to have a really great vacation …. why does that matter?

Response 2:

No no no; please don’t jump on the wedding extortion bandwagon. 1) a gift is not required. 2) A gift should be something YOU think the couple would enjoy. 3) requesting money as the only gift the couple will accept lacks class and taste. Why not give a lovely album (that you can afford) with a card that says “to keep your special mementos from your honeymoon. Safe travels!”

Have at it. How do you feel about the honeymoon registry as a concept? About giving to one if you disagree with it on principle?

» See all Hax Philes discussions    

Carolyn Hax started her advice column in 1997, after five years as a copy editor and news editor in Style and none as a therapist. The column includes cartoons by "relationship cartoonist" Nick Galifianakis -- Carolyn's ex-husband -- and appears in over 200 newspapers.
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