Hax Philes: Waiting to become lovable

From the May 30 chat:

How can get away from this idea that I am unlovable until I lose weight? I know I’m nice, doing loads of cool stuff, give good email, etc. Yet I won’t even flirt or consider boys as possibilities because I need to lose 20 lbs. It feels, logically, ridiculous and sad. I can’t shake it. Any help??

My opinion, to get things started: I think the answer is in the “sympathy for others in the same position.” You’re probably harder on yourself than others would be, and than you would be on someone just like you. Cultivating the forgiveness you show others will ultimately help you. I also think that it helps to make sure  some of that “cool stuff” you do is unabashedly physical, like dancing or biking or building things. Putting your body to work tends to improve your opinion of it significantly.

What other thoughts would you offer her?

» See all Hax Philes discussions    

Carolyn Hax started her advice column in 1997, after five years as a copy editor and news editor in Style and none as a therapist. The column includes cartoons by "relationship cartoonist" Nick Galifianakis -- Carolyn's ex-husband -- and appears in over 200 newspapers.
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