Hillary Clinton’s new book isn’t poetry. But the Amazon reviews of it sure are.

Hillary Rodham Clinton's account of her time at the State Department, "Hard Choices," and Ed Klein's more tabloid-y account of her relationship with President Obama have been duking it out on the New York Times bestseller list. We have yet to learn which one will win.


Former secretary of state Hillary Rodham Clinton signs copies of her new book, "Hard Choices," at Waterstones bookshop on July 3 in London. (Peter Macdiarmid/Getty Images)

One place where nobody wins? In the customer reviews section of Amazon, where opinions of the two books are twice as polarized as the American electorate because, well, a certain type of person apparently writes these reviews. To wit: Ninety percent of the reviews of Clinton's book give it either one or five stars. And more than twice as many are one-star reviews.

All of this rage can't be left to rot unattended at the bottom of the Internet, so here is a lyrical appreciation of the people who cared enough to review these Clinton books -- as well as several other best-selling political books of recent years, for good measure.

Hard Choices (Clinton)

"The reviews are as polarized as our country I see. That is very sad to me."

"The $20.01 price reduction . . .  reminded me to, again, watch 2001 A Space Odyssey."

 

"I guess 245 were paid by George Soros to give loser in every thing in life 5 stars."

"I am surprised she didn't write this book behind bars."

 

"Any choice this women made has been a bad one."

"I think I'll go count typos just for fun."

 

"I was really hoping to find out who killed Vincent Foster."

"But then, she wouldn't know the truth if it bit her."

"I like the way that her signature looks on the book cover."

"If the press didn't lover, only the lesbians would"

 

Blood Feud: The Clintons vs. the Obamas (Edward Klein)

"I would like my money back!"

"In the real world, Klein's a total hack."

"This is absolutely mandatory reading material before the next election"

"Should be in the fiction section or Nazi section."

"When you've finished you can repurpose the book by ripping out the pages and nailing them to your outhouse wall"

"The most fascinating chapters regard the Svengalian influence of Valerie Jarrett who apparently rules over all"

 

"They put on such a happy face when they were together who knew how deep the hatred went?"

"I think it's time we need to go back to a Republican president."

 

"It is fortunate that American politics is not played by Game of Throne rules."

"Good grief, what a bunch of tools."

 

Going Rogue: An American Life (Sarah Palin)

"Russia from her house"

"the winters are long and harsh"

"life in Alaska"

 

No Apology: Believe in America (Mitt Romney)

"The book conveys Romney's love of data."

"We also learn about Romney, the man,"

Greatest businessman and job creator,"

for "a quasi-socialist healthcare plan"

 

"Mitt is not an entertaining writer . . .

It's as dry as the Temple in Salt Lake."

"By the way . . . Mitt's not much of a writer"

"you're disappointed to have stayed awake"

 

"I wasn't too sure about Romney, but

After reading this . . . wow, this man is"

"I haven't read much of it so I don't really have an opinion."

 

"This book and in particular its title move us in precisely the wrong direction"

"this may now be moot since he lost the election"

 

Dreams From My Father (President Obama)

"How does he know what his fathers dreams were,

he only saw him twice."

 

This Is Herman Cain!: My Journey to the White House (you know who)

"How can he say his journey to the White House

if he doesn't even know if he will be elected?"

Jaime Fuller reports on national politics for "The Fix" and Post Politics. She worked previously as an associate editor at the American Prospect, a political magazine based in Washington, D.C.

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