I’m driving angry.
I want to tell the guy in front of me: You want to support the troops? Get them the hell out of the line of fire. Or, if you think this war is so necessary, get over there yourself. If you’re too old, pull your kids or grandkids out of college and send them.
I’m driving sad.
You want to support our troops? Give the man some space when he gets home. Give the woman a job. Don’t say how you would have been there if you could have and reel off excuses why you weren’t. He may be quieter than you’re used to and kind of keep to himself. She might be missing an arm; he could be in a wheelchair, knowing he’ll never again chase his kids down a beach. Both may drink a bit. She may smoke pot, dress wild and date around. She might play music loud. He could go to the movies for hours and come home and cry for no reason you can see. Don’t lecture them. Don’t tell them to forget about the war — they can’t. Don’t try to tell her how she’s escaping reality. She’s had all the reality she can stomach. He may carry what you call an attitude. She might have a low tolerance for shenanigans and a quirky sense of humor. If you touch her when she doesn’t want to be touched, she could very well turn around and bust you in your chops.
If you’ve never hunted humans, if you’ve never been hunted, if you haven’t been shot at on a regular basis, just try to appreciate what this person has been through. Then get down on your knees and thank your lucky stars it wasn’t you.
I’m driving lost.
It’s Vietnam, 1968, Quang Nam province. I work up a spit of bleeding gums, saliva and bug juice and spit into cow-cropped dry grass. Rolling my shoulders, keeping the radio man in sight, I wonder about the skeletons we passed an hour ago. No way to tell who they were or how it happened. Three sets of bones, picked and bleached, partly clothed in faded, rain-flattened tatters. Outside four fighting holes, two of the skeletons lie mostly intact, arms reaching, legs cocked as if trying to crawl back to their open graves. The third had no skull. Bones lie everywhere in the parched, knee-high, wheat-colored grass.
Concentrating on the ground, on where to put my feet, I breathe in shallow drafts and scan the hot, windless valley. Alone under my helmet, wet under my flak jacket, the sweat rolls like marbles down my legs. Single-file I follow Valdez, the radio man. Where Valdez steps, I step. I feel more than see the forward progress of Koster, the point man. Then Frenchy, Davis, Stillman, Billy Mac. Hearing Barberra behind me I’m aware of Duke and Ski like a snake knows its tail.