March 21, 2013

In her March 18 letter to the editor [“Let’s stop the work vs. home fight”], Patricia Danver looked toward the day when women’s work-home balance is free from outside judgment. However, the real “mommy wars” are internal fights women have with ourselves. When we truly own the choices we make, the war that Ms. Danverdescribed will end.

I rocked the art craft during play group today. You wowed them with your analysis in the board room. I navigated through a 5-year-old’s imaginary world today. You discussed matters of importance with colleagues. You can’t have what I have; I can’t have what you have. We made our choices.

Sally Quinn came to this conclusion herself in her March 15 Style article [“Once more into the work-vs.-home fray”]. After admitting that Sheryl Sandberg’s book “Lean In” made her feel inadequate, Ms. Quinn wrote that she owns the decisions she made while caring for her son.

The feminist movement and our fortunate financial circumstances have afforded us choices at home and at work. Let’s stop fighting the internal voices that tell us we should be able to “do it all” because that is simply not a choice. 

Annie Harold, Arlington