“Not only does your cardiovascular endurance have to be there but you have two plays that you have to call in the huddle, you have to move up to the line very quickly to execute the two-minute offense and I really didn’t feel Donovan, relative to not being able to get any cardiovascular endurance and run the two-minute offense the last four or five weeks, that I would put him into a situation that would just injure him,” Shanny said at time.
With Blatche and the like, maybe we don’t need coaches here as much as we need Chris Powell, the happy-pills trainer for “Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition,” who turns 500-pound obese behemoths into 200-pound lean machines. Or — heraldic trumpets please — an athlete who actually does take his conditioning seriously.
Lorenzo Alexander came into the NFL at 315 burly pounds. He wanted to be a defensive lineman. When they told him they needed him to be a linebacker, he shed some 70 pounds. The special-teams player for the Redskins now walks around about 240-245 pounds of mostly muscle.
“I began cycling, then I tried some Pilates,” said Alexander, who actually opened a Pilates studio in Ashburn with teammate Kedric Golston. “I got away from carbs and sugar. It’s about motivation.”
I ask what Haynesworth ate at his training table when they were teammates. “It wasn’t salad,” he said, chuckling.
When told he could invite Blatche to his Pilates studio and become “The Man Who Got Andray Blatche In Shape,” Alexander added: “I can’t deal with those type of guys. Why? Because guys that talented just bug those of us not blessed with those kind of gifts. You’re throwing your blessing away. I can’t train a guy like that because you tell him to do it, he’s not going to do it.”
“Even people on the ‘Biggest Loser,’ at some point they realize, ‘It’s on me.’ Until that happens, you got no shot at getting anyone in shape.”
Blatche recently tweeted that he was heading to work out at roughly 3:45 a.m. “It’s the best time for me to do something,” Blatche told The Post’s Gene Wang regarding working out during the overnight hours. “I’m up. I’m a night person, and I’m always awake, so that’s something that helps me get things off my mind.”
I have a better idea: Do what the Corinthians soccer club in Brazil did to former star Adriano earlier this year. They locked his overweight derriere in a room at the team hotel, ordering him to go on a strict diet until he got back in shape.
Said physical trainer Fabio Mahseredjian: “We locked him here because this way we can have more control of what he eats, of how he rests. You can only lose weight if you stop eating.”
The club finally released Adriano earlier this month.
Brazilian stars Ronaldinho and Ronaldo have also struggled with their weight, which is why there are no parades in Rio either these days.
Until Blatche gets back in shape, until everyone reports to training camp in every sport here with the combined body fat of a hamster, the national anthem should be replaced by old-school rap, something that truly expresses commitment:
“Fat Boys are back, Fat Boys are back . . . Huh-huh-huh-huh.”
For Mike Wise’s previous columns, go to washingtonpost.com/wise.