ARLINGTON, Tex.
Never say that the gods of baseball don’t have a sense of humor. And never doubt that they will pick the worst possible moment to play their malicious joke on the most appropriate victim for their tragic-comedy.
No manager of his time has been smarter, more obsessed with tactics and more of a control freak than Tony La Russa. But with the World Series tied at two games apiece and Game 5 tied at 2, La Russa’s whole world of order fell apart. Then, afterwards, as he tried to explain the virtually inexplicable manner in which a series of Cardinals-La Russa screwups had led to a 4-2 Texas victory, it was virtually impossible to tell which story was true, which a friendly fib to protect someone under him and what was still just chaos in the Cardinals.
And you thought the fog of war never came to the World Series. Nothing will ever top this. La Russa’s unintentional punch line was that, in light of the noisy crowd and the imperfect telephone connection, “this is not unusual.” Well, I’ve only covered 37 Series and there has never been anything even one-tenth this butchered and bollixed.
First, here are the basics of the battlefield. La Russa took out his starter Chris Carpenter after 101 pitches. A second-guessable mistake? Maybe. Carpenter often throws more than 110 pitches and he can rest until spring. But give ’em a pass on that one. La Russa waved in righty Octavio Dotel. His second pitch produced a ringing Michael Young double off the right-center field wall. After a strikeout and an intentional walk, La Russa waved in Marc Rzepczynski to face lefty David Murphy. So far, we’re still in a sane universe.
Murphy hit a potential double-play ball back to the box. If Marc Whatever-his-name-is doesn’t touch it, the ball probably goes to a middle infielder for a double play. If the pitcher snags it, same thing: DP. But the ball bounced off Rzepczynski for an infield hit.
Seriously, the guy in the middle of this mess has to be named Rzepczynski. Now, everybody will have to learn how to spell it for 100 years.
So, the bases are loaded, it’s 2-2 with one out and the entire Series could easily be at stake. Who’s at bat? The hottest Ranger, righty Mike Napoli, who greeted the first pitch from a La Russa reliever (Mitchell Boggs) with a three-run game-icing homer in Game 4.
Therefore, only one thing is certain — a right-hander, probably Jason Motte, who hits 100 mph, is presumably coming in to face him.
Except Motte was nowhere to be seen. La Russa had been distraught when the scratch hit went off Rzepczynski. Maybe he was distracted. Maybe he lost track. Or maybe the tangled tale he told later was letter perfect. But to everyone’s amazement, the lefty stayed in the game to face Napoli — who crushed a two-run double off the Snapple sign in right center for the winning hit.
In all likelihood, the one telling image of this Series will be Napoli facing the left-hander with an unspellable name while the Cardinal brain trust is in a state of complete miscommunication chaos.
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