He starts telling about this time he was walking past a California Pizza Kitchen.
"And outside I see about five baby strollers and I'm like, 'Oh, my God.' That makes me crazy. I don't ever want to get old. That's my worst nightmare."
Tony the bachelor, who's also sitting at the table, explains how he knows Moo is having an anxiety attack. His "face gets red like a tomato and he has to lay down," Tony says.
What is the guido without the bloom of youth -- without his bachelorhood, his boundless bravado, his beauty?
At the shore house one evening, Moo remarks that someone who was looking at photos of him on NJGuido told him that the last year's worth of partying seemed to have aged him.
"Do you think I look older than I was?" he asks a friend, in what seems a brief moment of vulnerability.
To which the friend replies, as the true guido must, "I don't pay attention to you."
As the sun sinks, guidos prepare for partying. Some nap. Some shower. The whole crew walks to Temptations to wait 20 minutes to pay $20 and get stamped so that later, they won't have to wait in an even longer line. When they stand outside the club, guys drive by pumping loud music through open windows, and a voice from somewhere keeps yelling, " 'Ssup, girl!"
Then the guidos head back to the house and drink. While the mainstay of daylight hours is Bud Light, Amstel Light and Corona, evenings are all about the shots. The guys down Stoli vodka, licorice-flavored Jaegermeister and Goldschlager, a cinnamon schnapps whose novelty is its floating 24-karat gold flakes. Dancing starts in the kitchen. The guys put on hats they keep above the fridge: a green, oversize foam hat with a huge brim and a shiny plastic captain's hat that might once have belonged to the Village People.
Then they get serious. They start considering outfits.
Close to 10, Moo stands shirtless in his room, grabbing tops out of his drawer and pulling pants out of his closet. He keeps seven pairs of jeans at the shore house, all folded on hangers. He's asking his girlfriend for advice.
"Does this work?" Moo asks.
"Absolutely not, it doesn't even match," says Jana. "I just think you should wear the gray T-shirt."
"I wanna wear the green one."
"Well, then, you can't wear these pants, it doesn't match."
Moo gives up and goes to take a shower. Jana says, "He takes longer than I take." Out in the main apartment, the music is loud, and Construction Carline is shouting, "WHO WANTS SOME SHOTS OF JAEGER?"
Carline already has his outfit set for the club: his construction helmet (actually a tree-trimmer's helmet with ear guards) and a red cape. Tonight, he'll be calling himself Tempts Man.
After the shower, Moo puts one kind of moisturizer on his face. Then he rubs a different moisturizer, which smells like cocoa butter, on his chest and arms, adding more and more until he's beige. This is necessary. "When you sweat, it brings back the cocoa butter smell," Moo says. He sprays on deodorant, then heads back into the bedroom, where he ponders jeans with Jana.
"These are nice," she says. "You wanna wear these with the green shirt?"
"I can't wear these with green."
"Why don't you wear these?"
© 2003 The Washington Post Company