Dear Abby:
While "Needs Closure" feels that her grandfather's cremation is the reason she has had a difficult time letting go. I suspect it is the manner in which he died. Suicide is a traumatic loss -- sudden, unexpected, often violent. That girl is now a survivor of suicide. One does not "get over" a suicide. The effects may stabilize, but the loss is forever felt.
I speak from experience. Five years ago, my beautiful little sister committed suicide at 19. I have read many books for suicide survivors and belong to an online support group for sibling survivors. One great resource for her could be SOLOS -- Survivors of Loved Ones' Suicides. The Web site is www.solos.org. She can also write to the group for information at P.O. Box 592, Dumfries, VA 22026-0592.
Still Grieving in Washington
Please accept my sympathy for your loss, as well as my gratitude for suggesting this resource.
Dear Abby:
Your advice was right on the money. I was away when my best friend dropped dead of a heart attack. Since I had no chance to say goodbye, I wrote him a letter telling him what his friendship had meant to me. At first, I planned to "send it" to him by burning it in the fireplace. But it is now 2004, and I still write letters to him. What started as a way to bring closure became the beginning of a wonderful journal.
J. in Oceanside, Ore.
Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.comor P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069.
©2004, Universal Press Syndicate
