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Starting Lineup

By Dan Steinberg and Desmond Bieler
Washington Post Staff Writers
Monday, January 17, 2005; Page D02

Lance Armstrong came to Silver Spring last week, touting the Discovery Channel Pro Cycling Team and repeating the news that he will serve as an on-air personality across Discovery's networks. We'll take this as a sign that said networks are in the market for a few big names; indeed, tonight's premiere of "Who Gets the Dog" might as well be a look at Dennis Erickson's latest job search. Some further guest-appearance suggestions:

"Overhaulin," Bud Selig: Gets agreement on tougher steroid policy but receives criticism for overlooking amphetamine abuse. Selig responded by saying, "Anyone who thinks baseball players are on speed has never actually sat through a baseball game."

_____ Monday Morning_____
 Australia's Stuart Appleby
A look back at the weekend and a look ahead at the coming week's action with a fresh new edge.

Norman Chad's Couch Slouch
Starting Lineup
The Chat: Actor and ex-athlete Rob Brown from "Coach Carter"
7 Days
The Review: What's better: ESPN College Hoops 2K5 vs. Electronic Arts' March Madness 2005?

_____ The Quote _____
"They're like a bag of prawns on a hot Sunday. They don't travel well."

-- Australia's Stuart Appleby, on why American golfers don't play well overseas.

_____ The Monday Morning Poll _____
Here we go again. The Philadelphia Eagles, for the fourth consecutive time, will play for the NFC championship on Sunday, this time against Atlanta. Will the Eagles make like the Red Sox and end this jinx with a victory?

  View results

"American Hot Rod," Damon Stoudamire: Kudos for setting a Portland record with 54 points, but somehow we just don't find establishing a Trail Blazers high all that remarkable.

"Brilliant Minds," Stephen G. Breyer and Antonin Scalia: Supreme Court justices tangle during a televised debate that left onlookers amazed. We were simply stunned that a public argument involving well-known judges didn't attract Sir Sidney and his "personal watercraft."

"What Not to Wear," Prince Harry: Next time he's invited to a Colonial-themed costume party, he should probably just stick with a Pops Mensah-Bonsu jersey.

"Get Packing," Doug Brien: Misses two late field goals as Jets lose in OT. Afterward, teammates thoughtfully reminded Brien that he wasn't this year's only playoff goat by having Eric Barton nail him with a forearm shiver.

"Faking It," Ashlee Simpson: Now claims that, because of a lack of ear monitors, she was unable to hear herself sing during the Orange Bowl. If only we had been so lucky.

"American Casino," The Pittsburgh Penguins: Team plans to bid for a parlor of slot machines, which will henceforth be known as one-toothed bandits.

"Simply Smashing," The Atlanta Falcons: Gain 327 rushing yards with only 70 passing while steamrolling the Rams, a result that caused Nebraska officials to smugly express vindication for switching to an NFL-style offense.

"Party Planner," Kid Rock: Noted Bush supporter not invited to inaugural festivities, after conservative groups pointed put the deeply offensive nature of his recent attempts at country music.

"Trading Spaces," Javier Vazquez: Big Unit deal sends Vazquez to the Diamondbacks, who will go with a lesser-known but possibly more effective Hispanic option instead of an older, grungy white dude. Call it the WHFS strategy.

"Strange Days," Gilbert Arenas: Says Wizards' nail-biting games are "probably aging" those who watch them. As an example, Arenas cited injured teammate Kwame Brown, who he said was "acting at least 15" these days.

"In a Fix," Randy Moss: We may have just witnessed the end of Moss in a Vikings uniform. Again.

Benched: The Junkies (briefly), The Matador (hopefully), Michelle Wie, Carlos Delgado and the O's, Sammy Sosa and the Nats, Michael Olowokandi and Nene.

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