John Kelly's Washington Live

John Kelly and unidentified revelers. (For The Washington Post)

John Kelly writes five times a week about the joys and annoyances of living in Washington. He aims to show readers the Washington (and Silver Spring, Alexandria, Manassas, Bowie ...) that they know and take them places they don't know. He wants to make them see familiar things in unfamiliar ways and unfamiliar things in familiar ways. ("We may occasionally end up seeing unfamiliar things in unfamiliar ways," John says, "but such are the risks of the job.") His columns take a cockeyed view of the place the rest of the planet knows as the Capital of the Free World but that we all call home. John rides the Metro for fun and once kidnapped an Irishman to see what made him tick.

Fridays at 1 p.m. ET John is online to chat about his columns and mull over anything that's on your mind.

A transcript follows.

This week's columns:
Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer's Game? (Post, April 1)
A Game of Inches and Iambic Feet (Post, March 31)
How Not to Get Picked Out of a Crowd (Post, March 30)
Giving a Voice to Reflux (Post, March 29)
Answer Man: Immortalized on a Sidewalk (Post, March 28)

Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.

_____________

John Kelly: Hello sports fans. Thank you for stopping by today's chat, when you could be out enjoying this absolutely wonderful day, proof that springtime in Washington is sublime. Yes, we're supposed to have floods tomorrow, but let's enjoy this while we can.

Speaking of enjoyment, I hope you enjoyed the baseball-themed poems from readers the last two days. I have a few more runners-up that I'll be sprinking throughout the chat today. Feel free to submit your own.

To recap the week in "John Kelly's Washington" (and welcome to it):
Monday: What is "aggressive driving" and why doesn't Maryland care if you drive "gently" anymore?
Tuesday: Ashley Simpson's "reflux" and the annoyance of "systems" and "mission-critical."
Wednesday: Checking in with an octagenerian Senators batboy, and the woman who loves him.
Thursday: Part One of our poetrypalooza.
Today: More poesy and whimsy.

_______________________

Herndon, Va.: Earlier this week, while driving home on the Greenway, I had an encounter that is now a near daily occurrence for me. While in the left lane going with the flow of traffic so I can get on Rt. 7 West, a guy in a late model silver Mustang driving excessively fast pulled right behind me and got within ONE FOOT of my rear bumper. He then decided to voice his displeasure at being forced to go with the flow of traffic by taking BOTH hands off the wheel and making a "Why are you bothering me?" gesture. I could not move over because a guy in a pickup was matching my speed. I could not speed up because my car does not accelerate well and was already at its maximum safe operating speed. I could not slow down otherwise this guy would be in my back seat. When the truck to my right finally sped up enough for me to move over, the Mustang shot into the right lane, almost clipping my right rear bumper, shoots past me, and shoots in front of me, coming within a foot of my right front bumper. Again, he voiced his displeasure at being inconvenienced my telling me with hand gestures to move over. Within seconds of this, what does he do? He tailgates an SUV, does the same sudden merge right and cuts that SUV off and continues to tailgate as many folks as he could. What did he achieve from all of this weaving? When the flow slowed down at the merge with 7 West, he was all of three cars in front of me. Now, it is not like I was going 50 in a 65 - I was going with the flow of traffic - nor was I being vindictive to him. I would have moved over except I was blocked.

I need to reiterate to the "get in the right lane, slowpoke" crowd: the speed limit is THE LAW. It's not a recommendation or a suggestion, it is the law and it's applicable to everyone. Some folks argue that these laws were created during the Energy Crisis of the 1970's as a gas savings measure when gas mileage was not so good, and today's cars don't handle as well at such slow speeds. So that gives you the right to speed? NO. The limits are the current law of the land. Don't like them? That's fine - lobby your local, state and federal officials to get the laws changed, get referendums on the ballots, start a 527 organization and launch ad campaigns, do whatever it takes. Until then, it IS the law - OBEY IT.

I am sick of laying down for these road thugs. Driving is a privilege, NOT a right, and this guy more than adequately demonstrated his complete inability to handle the responsibility of operating a vehicle and should be punished accordingly. I have this guy's license plate, a decent description of the driver, and make and model of the car.

Is there any recourse I can take against this guy after the fact?

John Kelly: This is the sort of thing that makes taking public transportation look good. The daily sturm and drang of Washington traffic. I don't know if there's anything you can do specifically about him. If he's a regular commuter like you and you've seen him doing this sort of thing before you might call the highway patrol's non-emergency number and say something like, "Look, there's this Mustang that is literally an accident waiting to happen." If you do, tell me what they tell you.

As for your other points: Answer Man on Monday was about aggressive driving. Among the responses I got was one from a reader who said that drivers who "brake check" the cars behind them -- that is, tap the brakes to dissuade tailgaters -- should face jail time. That seemed a little extreme to me. Nothing excuses the behavior of Mr. Mustang, and the fact that it didn't get him anywhere (three lousy car lengths!) speaks volumes. However, the signs do say "slower traffic keep right," not "those doing the speed limit keep left; slower cars keep right." Our lane protocal is a mess in this country.

_______________________

Washington, D.C.: John -- you have a contest to see who in the Washington area looks most like you. I think I've got just the guy!

John Kelly: Do I want to even hear where this is going?

_______________________

Alexandria, Va.: Hi, John. We're the couple who couldn't decide on a name for our baby. A few weeks ago we saw a movie, Because of Winn Dixie, and fell in love with the 10 year old heroine, India Opal. We didn't much care for India, but we chose Opal for the middle name. Adrienne -unisex -- sounds like Adrian] Opal was born March 22. We're calling her Opal but she can change that if she wants. We never did get a name for a boy, although we're told there's a movie out about a darling little boy named Frankie (which could also be a unisex name). While we love little Opal to pieces, we're not planning on having #2 for a good long while yet.

John Kelly: Opal! That's a lovely name. It's unusual without being weird. And you can bet there won't be too many other Opals in her class at school. I see Opal as seeming a little bookish when she grows up -- she wears glasses, for example -- which makes it all the more surprising that she's actually quite the little spitfire. Congratulations. And all because of a movie. Good thing you didn't see "The Ring Two" or something.

_______________________

John Kelly: Another poem:

The O's and the Nationals,
Diamonds in the rough.
If they both play well,
The choice will be tough.
--Sid Secular, Silver Spring

_______________________

Your Lovely Daughter: Are you planning on springing some large, witty, and most likely funny April's Fool Day joke on Your Lovely Family when you get home? You shouldn't. We'll be expecting it. But really, are you?

John Kelly: You mean you didn't find it? I thought the smell would have been overwhelming by now. Look at the back of the closet underneath the basement stairs. You might have to move some empty suitcases out of the way. And bring a flashlight.

_______________________

Miami, Fla.: Hey, John, old friend and former Washingtonian asks: Is the Thai Derm in Silver Spring still open for business? How about Dona Flor and LaBella?

Having been away from D.C. far too long, I'd love to know what's not-to-be-missed at the Smithsonian Museums. Anything new and exciting at the Zoo?

How about the music scene? Is the 9:30 Club still happening? What radio stations are alternative these days?

Thanks!

John Kelly: There are not alternative stations anymore. WHFS is gone, but it hasn't been alternative for years. People swear by WRNR but only 30 people in Crownsville can actually receive it. I think the Thai Derm is still around, at least it was last winter. The name always bothered me, since I associated "derm" with skin, and I don't like thinking about skin when I'm eating, unless it's potato skins -- or pork rinds. We have pandas at the zoo again and, for some reason, farm animals.

_______________________

Washington, D.C.: Hello. I'm submitting early in the hopes that you can post this early in the chat and someone can explain a "metro behavior" I find perplexing and highly annoying. I have encountered many people on the metro and on buses who will simply move their legs to the side when I need to get up and leave and I'm on the inside seat. Is it too difficult for these people to get up and let me out?? I am admittedly a small woman, so maybe these people think they are providing me with sufficient room to get out, but that's just not the case. It is never a comfortable situation, and they usually end up with my tush in their face.

Does anyone have an explanation???
Thanks!

John Kelly: And here's why some people would rather drive. An explanation? How about that they're rude and lazy? That's the only one I can think of. If you're so infirm that you can't hop out of a seat to let someone out, then maybe you should just stay home in the iron lung rather than try to take the Metro.

I'm willing to cut them some slack if they're sitting in those first seats, where you've got more room to get out. Other thoughts?

_______________________

John Kelly: I kind of liked this haiku:

No pyrotechnics?
You mean the ballgame itself
Has to entertain?
--Dan Gordon, Arlington

_______________________

Silver Spring, Md.: In some states you can be ticketed for impeding the flow of traffic in the left lane even if you are driving the speed limit.

John Kelly: Really? I bet that's kind of tricky. You're breaking one law by not breaking another. Back when I delivered photos for a photo lab there was a co-driver who was so angry that he'd been ticketed by a cop for speeding, after this fellow had just been following the cop. That is, he was going no faster than the cop -- was behind him, in fact -- and therefore should not have been penalized for going 70 mph. After all, the cop was going that fast. The judge would hear none of it.

_______________________

Your Lovely Daughter(#2): You'll be SPRINKING the poems throughout the chat? Really, dad. Don't you have some copy editor breathing over your shoulder, deducting from your pay when you make a mistake?

John Kelly: Don't you have homework? Been in the basement yet? Wait, maybe it's the attic. Pull the stairs down and go over in the corner. Watch out for spiders.

_______________________

Arlington, Va.: John,
I need your opinion fast. What do you do when someone edits your work and COMPLETELY makes a mockery out of what you have written.
My name is attached to this and if others read it they will think that I am an idiot.
What do I do?

John Kelly: Yikes. How bad is it? Reporters complain about that sort of thing all the time. If the facts of what you've written have been altered, you should point that out, because you don't want to get burned. If it's more a matter of style -- you just don't like the way it sounds anymore -- maybe you could ask that your name be taken off it.

_______________________

Washington, D.C.: With all the publicity and comments about baseball returning to Washington, I haven't seen anything written about Arch McDonald, who was the play-by-play announcer for the Senators for more than 22 years. Did I overlook it somewhere?

John Kelly: No, I don't think so. I just did a quick search of our archives and didn't turn anything up. I bet someone here will get around to Arch eventually, given our near insatiable hunger for Washington baseball-related stories.

_______________________

Alexandria, Va.: You are SO Funny! You are so quick and witty on these talks. And your articles are quirky and fun (tho it must be hard to come up with new subjects five times a week). I realize you must be busy, but could you please do an hour talk each day to brighten up my lunch hour?

John Kelly: Aren't you nice. And obviously very intelligent.

The problem isn't coming up with ideas, it's coming up with time to actually do all the ideas, or even having enough quality time to explore one idea. Like, for the last year I've wanted to eat at all the restaurants that appeared in the Health Code Violations listings, just AFTER they'd been reopened. I just haven't had time to get to it. (I'd also like to bring Tom Sietsema with me, but then I worry: What if he ate something that killed his sense of taste? He could never work again.)

_______________________

Silver Spring, Md.: Thai Derm is definitely open, as well as numerous new restaurants since S.S. has been overhauled and looks fabulous.

John Kelly: Shhhh. Let's keep the new Silver Sprung out little secret, shall we? A few months ago I was having dinner at one of those new restaurants with My Lovely Wife (and Our Annoying Daughters) when I spied a co-worker from The Post at another table. "Say, Howie Kurtz" (for it was he) "what are you doing here? Don't you live in Bethesda of Chevy Chase or somewhere?" And he replied: "Silver Spring is Bethesda with parking!"

Our new motto!

_______________________

Falls Church, Va.: This may be an urban legend or something, but I heard about a guy who protested speed limits in Toronto by getting him and several friends to drive in every lane exactly at the speed limit during rush hour. They blocked traffic for miles (kilometres?). They were arrested for blocking traffic, but because they were going the speed limit, the judge threw it out.

Not that I'm recommending anyone do that here.

John Kelly: And isn't that a form of protest employed by disgruntled truckers? They get four abreast on the Beltway and hold it at 55 mph. Of course, we dream of driving 55 during rush hour.

_______________________

John Kelly: And this was kind of fun, too:

The Orioles, the New York Yankees,
I don't give a hoot for.
I'm just so happy once again
To have a team to root for!
Mae Scanlon, Washington

_______________________

Silver Spring, Md.: Leaf Guy. I think God is getting tired of smiting me, the fun must be wearing off by now, so watch your basement tonight, OK?

John Kelly: Well he seems to be in the process of smiting all sorts of people lately. That's right, Frank Perdue died yesterday.

_______________________

Followup on Mr. Mustang: For the record, I was going with the flow of traffic, that is, the same speed as everyone else. Plus, at the Leesburg end of the Greenway, left lane turns into the exit ramp to Rt 7 west, where I want to be.

I'm sorry, but there is NO excuse for his behavior at all ...

John Kelly: I wasn't trying to excuse his obviously rude and possibly dangerous behavior, just trying to suggest that everyone going the speed limit isn't necessarily the solution. Some people will invariably go faster than the speed limit; others will go slower. You mentioned that your car was pretty much at its safe speed limit, with no more ability to accelerate. That sounds like a problem.

_______________________

RE: Brake Tapping: Brake tapping was actually taught by the DMV as an acceptable way to tell the driver behind you he/she is driving too close. Given this was 17 years ago and before "Aggressive Driving" was a label for dangerous drivers.

What I really like is when someone is tailgating you, you turn on your blinker to get over, begin to make the lane change, and the impatient tailgater moves over ASAP to get around you.

John Kelly: I do it myself occasionally, but I wonder if it does any good. Twenty or 30 years ago I think people were politer on the road. A brake check may have been construed the way it was intended: Hey, just to let you know, you might be a little too close. Now it's more like waving a red flag in front of a bull: Okay buddy, see how you like...THIS! And the end result is often the tailgater whipping around and passing on the right, as we've discussed this afternoon.

_______________________

High Tech Nexxus, Va.: Hi John, I just wanted to thank you for your column on new company names and the overuse of mission critical, solutions and systems.

I really, really, really wished you had written that last week, before I incorporated my company and ordered all kinds of corporate logowear.

Before I go and change our name, are you planning on printing any more words that are overused in the tech-industry or should I just play my luck at Boggle like my brother at Xidessgp?

John Kelly: Reader Mike Milligan of Columbia e-mailed me this week and said, "I had the thought that maybe I should create a company providing 'mission-critical luxury system solutions.' What do you think?"

I told him he'd probably make a fortune.

_______________________

washingtonpost.com: Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer's Game? (Post, April 1)

_______________________

Bethesda, Md.: John, I'm not trying to pick a fight or turn you into Dr. Gridlock, but the left lane is supposed to be the FASTEST moving lane, regardless of what speed the person wants to go.

Yes, it is the law, and they are risking a ticket or reckless driving! BUT if "aggressive driving" is passing someone on the right who is going the speed limit on the Beltway and refusing to get over, what other choice do you have?

Thanks!

washingtonpost.com: Answer Man: The Image of a Bad Driver (Post, March 28)

John Kelly: This case is complicated by the fact that the exit this person wanted was on the left. He/she had to get over there.

And aggressive driving is doing three things out of a list of like seven. Sort of like the combination menu at a Chinese restaurant. I think with failure to use turn signals you get egg roll.

_______________________

Frank Purdue: I'm so sad. I've always had an irrational crush on him.

John Kelly: My condolences, but you know, it's much better than having a rational crush on him.

_______________________

metro behavior: Here's a possible explanation on why those on the outside merely move their legs instead of getting up completely -- often people start getting up to leave before the train comes to a complete stop. The other person may want to avoid getting jerked around, especially if there are standees and it's hard to find a spot to hold on.

John Kelly: There are those people who go through all the preparatory motions of getting off--folding up their newspaper, sticking it in their briefcase, sort of scootching (sp?) their butt cheeks around--and then DON'T get off. That is annoying. Give us a clear signal, folks.

What I've witnessed though, among those lazy aisle seatfolk, is just this bored, irritated look on their faces when you actually start to get off. They kind of roll their eyes then pivot their legs over. I suppose you could knee them in the thigh as you get out.

_______________________

washingtonpost.com: A Game of Inches and Iambic Feet (Post, March 31)

_______________________

Georgetown, Washington, D.C.: I see the Washington Monument is back open.

How much longer does that godawful construction fence have to stay?

washingtonpost.com: Washington Monument Reopens to Public

John Kelly: I just called the Park Service and they said they don't have a date yet for when the monstrosity is coming down. They didn't use the word "monstrosity."

_______________________

Herndon, Va.: Mr. K: The posting by the irate driver who was tailgated, then cut off, reminded me of the madness in the HOV lanes on the Dulles Toll Road. Sure, you should be in the left lane only when passing or keeping up with other traffic (if the speed limit is 55 and the traffic is moving at 60, 65 or whatever, you stay out of the lane). However, on the Toll Road, the HOV lane is far left, and you can be going 10 mph above the limit and have someone on your tail. You can't move over, because it's bumper to bumper there, and, if you don't want to speed up, it's a mess. The law, by the way, just says you should move over, and, I assume, attaching a spray gun on the rear of my car to shoot paint on the tailing car is illegal.

John Kelly: It's just a single HOV lane there? That reminds me of Skyline Drive. MLW and I were there a few years back, in my spiffy 1960s convertible, and the car in front of us was doing the speed limit: 40 mph. This was fine for an hour or so, but we did want to get back home before winter. We bailed after a while.

_______________________

Takoma Park, Md.: John,

What do you think of Takoma Park, Md.? Just recently moved there and love it. Wish it had a restaurant or two more in Old Town, but that will come. Word is the developer who just built the condos on the Metro on the D.C. side, just purchased some buildings in Old Town to refurbish. That's all that Old Town, Takoma, needs is a little TLC to some of its outdated buildings.

Thanks,

Go Nats

John Kelly: I love Takoma Park. And everyone I know who lives there loves it too. We sort of looked into moving there, but I didn't know if I had what it takes to be a Takoma Parker. For example, you're not allowed to bring nuclear materials into Takoma Park, and while I've never yet needed any, I don't like the idea of them telling me what I can or can't have in the trunk of my car. What if I had a legitimate reason to possess a neutron bomb?

_______________________

washingtonpost.com: Mixing Love and Baseball (Post, March 30)

_______________________

To the Left Lane Driver: I am not at all excusing the actions of the Mustang Driver. However, YOU WERE JUST AS MUCH AT FAULT! Virginia law CLEARLY states that all traffic MUST keep right, and use the left lane only for passing or immediate exiting. That IS the law, just like the speed limit is. So you technically should have moved over, and should not have been riding the left lane. Don't spend your time worrying about other people (they'll get caught sooner or later)... spend more time worrying that YOU are following the laws you profess to love so dear.

John Kelly: Now let's not all pile on this person. The worry might have been that if he moved over to the right, how was he ever going to get back to the left again to exit? It's not as if drivers are so polite that when they see a turn signal they immediately slow down to let you in.

_______________________

Laurel, Md.: I'm not sure if you have any Metro folks lurking on your chats, but I had an interesting experience yesterday that I'd like to see if anyone else has had.

During last night's rush hour, I was riding the Green line towards Greenbelt. We had several stops (Georgia Avenue, Howard U) where the train would stop on the platform and the doors would not open, while the driver kept inching forward (sometimes this lasted as long as two minutes). This continued for a couple stops. Then when we pulled in to Prince Georges Plaza station, the driver announced that he would not be stopping at the next station College Park because he was "behind schedule" and would only be going to Greenbelt, the end of the line.

I can understand if there were mechanical problems with the doors, or if there was a problem with the train, but I've never heard any driver say that he wouldn't be making a stop because they are behind schedule. Is there really a Metro schedule? I don't think it is necessarily like Amtrak, where the train is scheduled to leave at 7:35 on the dot. I've been on PLENTY of Metro trains that were delayed for one reason or another and never had to skip stops. Is this a rogue driver or a new policy?

John Kelly: I've posed this question to my contacts at Metro but haven't heard back yet.

_______________________

Fairfax, Va.: As a daughter, I love your response to your daughter's harrasment - "don't you have homework?" I am a college student, and my dad and I have an on-going minesweeper competition. I have held the title for a few months now, and have broken my record several times. Whenever I email my dad with my new score to gloat, my dad emails my brother and I and says that I must not be in college any more, or at the least that my college education must be useless since I apparently have no homework. It's the father's eternal question -- "Don't you have homework?", especially when the kids are harassing him about something.

John Kelly: I just know that when I start harassing my daughters about something--boyfriends, cleaning their room--they're going to say, "Don't you have yardwork?"

_______________________

Springfield, Va.: I can't wait for a cop to ticket me for going the speed limit in the left lane. I'd be interviewed by the Post, every TV station in D.C., and probably make the tonight show. Please Mr. State Policeman - make my day!

John Kelly: You don't drive a silver Mustang on the Greenway, do you?

_______________________

work-14-hour-a-day, Washington, D.C.: Can I vent? I think the TV-network deal stinks. MLB stinks. Bud S stinks. Peter A now OWNS 90 percent of D.C. This is sick. And I'm sick. I can't stomach the fact that everytime I turn on a Nationals game 90 percent of profit goes to PA's pocket. Maybe I won't watch it, then.

Now, when and which airport do the Nationals arrive?

John Kelly: It does make you wonder just what it is that Peter Angelos has on the other baseball honchos. Incriminating photos involving goats and Crisco? Yes, the man is lawsuit-crazed buy why are they so afraid of him?

_______________________

Managerville: Don't forget to synergize your systems solutions.

John Kelly: Noted. I'm jotting that down right next to my paradigm shift. (It's an off-the-shoulder sort of thing with a lacy hem.)

_______________________

washingtonpost.com: Giving a Voice to Reflux (Post, March 29)

_______________________

Aggressive Driving: In the response to the "road thug" post, if one witnesses an agressive driver in Fairfax County (or unbuckled child), the Fairfax Police have a Web site that you can use to report the incident. They then send a letter to the offender, which might or might not convince them of the error of their ways.

Fairfax Country, Va., Traffic Safety Watch Report

John Kelly: That's great. Thanks for finding that. Now can you find out what airport the Nationals arrive at?

_______________________

Clifton, Va.: The law in Va. which takes precedence over the speed limit per case law says "Slower traffic must get out of the way when signaled to by another driver by the flash of the headlights or another gesture." You can be ticketed. Many have. If you car is unsafe -- i.e. can't accelerate properely, buy something else or stay off the roads, FOOL!

John Kelly: Does it really say "another gesture"? That seems a poor choice of words.

I can't believe you all are piling up on this poor driver...

_______________________

Re: Left Lane -- FASTEST: "What other choice do you have?"

Uhm ... go the speed limit; leave your house earlier; turn on the classical radio station and relax; try public transportation until you rid yourself of your anger; play "travel games" like 'I Spy'; or spend the time learning Latin with some books on CD.

"Vade in pace"

John Kelly: That's right. You will get there eventually.

_______________________

New York, N.Y.: In response to Herndon, Va. -- agressive driving. The same thing happened to my parents on one of their many Va. to N.Y. trips. The only twist was that there were TWO cars racing and swerving lane to lane. My dad saw them coming up fast on the car in the rear view mirror and said to my mom "hold on honey, I think we are going to get hit." The two cars missed my parents car by a foot, one going around him on the left and the other on the right.
My Dad was mad so he called the state troopers. They said they just got another complaint about these two cars and that they were sending a unit to the area. Well about five miles up the road my dad saw that the trooper had pulled over one of the two cars. My dad (being the retired federal agent that he is) pulled over as well and told the trooper that car almost killed them and that he was mad ... The trooper asked my dad to first calm down and then if he would testify in court and my dad said yes.
The driver got reckless driving and my dad got called to court to testify a few weeks later. The driver didn't show to court, but they suspended his license and my dad felt a little satisfied.

Just wanted to share.

John Kelly: A happy ending! I love that.

_______________________

RE: Springfield: It's people like you that add to the road rage in this area. Get off your high horse.

John Kelly: High horse = Mustang?

_______________________

Mustang Driver: It might have been me in the Mustang. As a sports car owner, I typically drive at least 75 on the Greenway. The left lane hoggers -- even if they are done 70 -- need to get out of my way, it's the law. And I'll tailgate if I have to, especially if the hogger has a "My kid is an honor student" sticker on their car. Like I care.

John Kelly: What if it says "My show dog is an honor student"?

_______________________

Washington, D.C.: In order to appease Angelos, MLB said the Nats must fly into BWI since Angelos owns 90 percent of that too.

John Kelly: And I'll bet he's shipping all the asbestos he won in those lawsuits over the home dugout at RFK.

_______________________

Re: Tailgaters: I've tried brake tapping and it had the effect you described, just making the tailgater madder. I've also turned on my window washer (if they're too close, they get sprayed too), but I had one guy pass me, slow down in front of me and give me a taste of my own medicine.

The best thing is get over as soon as you can and call the police and report the tailgater. If nothing else, by the time you're done talking with a police officer, you're going to calm down. No sense starting a cycle of aggressive driving that just makes the roads less safe for everyone else.

John Kelly: See, these things just have a tendency to escalate until you end up as a story in the Metro section, which, believe me, is not something you want to be. Unless you've won the science fair or something.

_______________________

Reston, Va.: I'll stick up for the driver ... if Va. didn't have so many left exits and left turns off of major roads, this wouldn't be such a problem. Am I supposed to not exit where I need to because someone is tailgating me?

John Kelly: Thank you. It does sound like a poor road design.

_______________________

Fairfax, Va.: Hey, I took an entire class which was focused on paradigm shifts in the narratives of society (it's an honors class - go figure, with a subject like that).

John Kelly: "The narratives of society"? Does that mean, like, books? That's what we called them when I was in school anyway.

_______________________

Alexandria, Va.: John, you caught on to one good point ... if the Mustang complainer's car was at its "safe maximum speed" in a typical rush hour environment, then there's definitely a problem there. All cars should have at least a little excess power available and be able to handle safely at those speeds. Otherwise, you're a risk to yourself and others.

John Kelly: The speedometers all go to at least 120 mph. Don't the cars?

_______________________

Rockville, Md.: When I was living down there, four Louisiana State Police cars once traveled four abrest (including the shoulders) at five miles under the speed limit on I-10 from the Mississippi River bridge (Huey P. Long, like every other bridge in the state) all the way to the Texas state line to protest the apparently otherwise unstoppable speeding problem along that route. The truckers were livid!

John Kelly: They need some of those aircraft that we use around here.

_______________________

Washington, D.C.: I worked with someone who'd been in a horrific accident. She was waiting to turn left on a two-lane highway, and the car behind her, dragging a boat or a trailer, impatiently swooped around her to the right. His boat swung out, hitting her and sending her into oncoming traffic. The guy who hit her from the other lane was decapitated and she was severely injured. Please, people, don't drive recklessly.

John Kelly: Don't drive recklessly. That's a good sentiment to take into our weekend.

_______________________

Arlington, Va.: It's time for the six month trashing of Metro by the tourists, who insist on eating and drinking on the trains. You seem to have a lot more weight than the rest of us, so could you implore Metro to make MORE announcements about eating and drinking?

John Kelly: I also asked Metro about this and will report back next week. In the meantime, if you're a tourist: Don't eat on the Metro. And get up completely to let me out.

_______________________

Herndon again: IT WAS AN EXIT LANE!; I did not want to go to Maryland!; I wanted to go to Winchester!; And I was going 75 MPH!;

What is WRONG with you people?

John Kelly: What's wrong with us? We're sitting at our computers on a gorgeous spring afternoon.

_______________________

Fairfax, Va.: No, no, no: narratives are ways in which we structure society, e.g. institutions such as government, religion, culture, etc. What did they teach you people in the old days in college?

John Kelly: They taught us to call things like government, religion and culture "government," "religion" and "culture."

_______________________

FYI -- From the Va DMV Manual: Aggressive Driving

This dangerous driving behavior is defined by Virginia law as the intent to harass, intimidate, injure or obstruct another person while committing one or more traffic offenses such as failure to stop or yield the right-of-way, evasion of a traffic control device or failure to give way to an overtaking vehicle.

When they're behind the wheel of their vehicles, these high-risk drivers take out their frustrations on other motorists. Their frustration level runs high while their concern for fellow motorists runs low. They run stop signs and red lights, speed, tailgate, weave in and out of traffic, pass on the right (including on the shoulder and unpaved portions of the road), make improper and unsafe lane changes, make hand and facial gestures, scream, honk and flash their lights.

Protect yourself. If you see an aggressive driver, stay out of the way. Don't challenge the aggressive driver by speeding up or trying to out-maneuver him. Avoid eye contact and ignore his gestures and shouting.

Remember, if you are convicted of aggressive driving, your license could be suspended for ten days or for as long as six months.

John Kelly: Thank you. Of course, aggressive drivers don't read this chat, so we're kind of preaching to the choir here.

_______________________

Washington, D.C.: John, (forgive the informality), if you have any contacts with either the Maryland or Virginia state police, maybe you could convince them to join you for these chats and help mediate some of the disputes like the one today over the speed limit laws vs the slow (even if above the speed limit) traffic laws.

John Kelly: A very good idea and maybe something to do next time we touch on this subject.

_______________________

Re: Aggressive Driver: My boss, a wise man and sage adviser, once told me that he never gets bent out of shape about the horribly aggressive drivers who occasionally harass him. In a way, he feels sorry for them because eventually they will run into (perhaps literally) another aggressive driver who will provide him with a comeuppance.

It really helped me to see that the best thing to do is to try to get out of their way as fast as possible (which the author did) and then, afterwards, let it bother you as little as possible. Easier said than done, I know. But it's worth a try.

John Kelly: So let's all give it a try this weekend.

Thanks everyone for joining me today. And thanks to Katie McLeod and Meredith Bragg, the washingtonpost.com staffers who moderated today's chat while my assistant, Julie, is on vacation. (The Turks and Caicos!)

We'll have a fresh crop of columns next week. Need to reach me? I'm at kellyj@washpost.com. I'll see you at Sunday's exhibition game at RFK. And we never did find out who I look like....

_______________________