Sure, the mating season for giant pandas is terrifyingly brief, but when Tian Tian and Mei Xiang embarked on a reckless flirtation last month, the optimism at the National Zoo was palpable, and infectious. Tian Tian, ever the male, was clumsy yet enthusiastic, while Mei Xiang, demonstrating a robust post-feminist streak, met his advances with a high-pitched wail whose meaning was unmistakable. Spring, while not yet sprung, was just around the corner, and that special elixir that is the province of young lovers everywhere seemed poised to send the pair into ursine ecstasy.
And then nothing happened.
(Illustration by Isabelle Dervaux)
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Well, that's not entirely true. There was a lot of crude foreplay visible to the trained eye, and it's possible that more went on behind closed doors at the Panda House. Still, after two days of misadventures that would have been instantly recognizable to the best-selling authors of "He's Just Not That Into You" or, for that matter, the best-selling author of "Be Honest -- You're Not That Into Him Either," zoo officials had had enough, anesthetizing the pair and consummating their relationship without the consent of either.
The entire episode struck fear in the hearts of all of us, and it's not hard to see why. The pandas' ill-fated liaison seemed to imply something about Washingtonians we'd long suspected but could hardly bring ourselves to admit: When it comes to romance, we have no idea what we're doing.
Nor have we managed to fool the rest of the country. In a 2004 Travel+Leisure magazine survey ranking America's 25 most romantic cities, our fellow citizens put Washington at No. 25. Our rep, deserved or not, is as a town of power-mad, workaholic singles whose ham-fisted hook-ups make Tian Tian and Mei Xiang look like Samson and Delilah. Paris on the Potomac we may be, but Paris on the Potomac is not, well, Paris.
Should this be cause for panic? Not according to many scientists and even more pseudoscientists. Our present malaise is temporary, completely understandable and known by the technical term of rustiness -- a byproduct of short winter days and the very bad hats they often force upon us. Perhaps all that's needed -- as boxer and kitchen-top-grill magnate George Foreman puts it in his seminal text on the subject ("George Foreman's Guide to Life"): "What I've learned to do is, let every day be like the first day you fell in love."
In that spirit of rediscovery, then, we present 32 great spring dates. Whether your interests run to gardens or gastronomy, biking or bars, the cultural or the conventional, you're sure to find something to jump-start your libido, exorcise your inner Tian Tian and make the most of Washington's most glorious season.
THE ART OF LOVE
Have you been out of the game so long you've forgotten what love even looks like? Not to fear. It's exquisitely visible at the National Gallery of Art. Just glide past all the portraits of lonely women drinking, go up the orange-tree-lined spiral stairs and wind your way to a painting called "Marcelle Lender Dancing the Bolero in 'Chilperic' " in the "Toulouse-Lautrec and Montmartre" exhibit (through June 12). Actually, it's more a portrait of obsession than love, according to the exhibit's program. The subject of one of Lautrec's most famous paintings, Madame Lender apparently endured the artist's repeated attendance at her performances only begrudgingly, having little regard for either Toulouse-Lautrec ("the frightful man," she called him) or his art ("You can have it").
If requited love is more your speed -- even if it does end in double suicide -- you're doubly in luck this spring. Not one but two pairs of star-crossed lovers will cross paths this month when the Washington Ballet's "Romeo and Juliet" (April 13-17) opens just days before the St. Petersburg Ballet Theatre mounts its own take on Prokofiev's thrilling score (April 17). No word on which will generate more heat, but the smart money is on the Washington Ballet. Artistic Director Septime Webre promises to up the ante on the already dysfunctional Montague and Capulet families, positing a love relationship between Lady Capulet and Tybalt, who just happens to be her nephew.
Russian piano sensation Evgeny Kissin won't be playing his celebrated rendition of Rachmaninoff's Second Piano Concerto, but his brief encounter (Wednesday) with Strathmore should nevertheless set hearts aflutter at the new Bethesda concert hall. Kissin -- with a name like that, need we say more? -- will bring his storied virtuosity to a program that includes several Chopin polonaises. And while his performance of "Fantasie Impromptu" may well chase rainbows away, lovers won't be able to resist it.
If there's anything more idyllic than the great Act 1 finale of Puccini's "La Boheme," when penniless Rodolfo and flower-seller Mimi find unlikely love on a cold winter night -- well, there just isn't anything more idyllic than that. As in the case of much opera, things soon turn tubercular and tragic, but before they do, audiences at the Maryland Opera Studio at the Clarice Smith Performing Arts Center (April 16-24) will swoon for some of the most heart-swelling melodies ever written.
Puccini's Parisians sing in Italian, of course, but for some, French will always be the language of love, particularly when put to good use by Edith Piaf and Josephine Baker, two of France's most popular entertainers of the last century. It was Piaf's "La Vie en Rose," and sometimes her far from rosy private life, that made "the little sparrow" the patron saint of torchy chanteuses everywhere. Expect passion, singing and professorial exegesis in equal measure when the National Museum of Natural History's "From Josephine to Edith" (no relation to "From Justin to Kelly") arrives April 22, part of the Paris on the Potomac series.
And two days later, hopeless romantics will once again take time out to honor the man who -- for better or ill -- set the impossibly high standard that has been making things hopeless for would-be paramours ever since: William Shakespeare (can he really be 441?), whose birthday is always cause for celebration at the Folger Shakespeare Library (April 24).
"LA BOHEME" -- April 16, 20 and 22 at 7:30; April 24 at 3. Maryland Opera Studio, Clarice Smith Performing Arts Center, Route 193 and Stadium Drive, College Park. 301-405-2787. www.claricesmithcenter.umd.edu.
