I say, "I'm sorry," when what I really mean is "I'm sorry [that I'm in trouble]."
So I'm here to say "I'm sorry," and you can fill in the rest.
I'm sorry [I got caught].
I'm sorry [Steinbrenner's making me do this].
I'm sorry [I can't punch one of you in the face].
I'm sorry [that you think steroids are cheating, you lazy self-righteous civilians. Ever seen a ball coming at your head so fast it looks like a sun spot?]
I thank you all for coming today, and I'm sorry. I would like to leave you with one last thing. It's a small poem, written for me by my spiritual advisor, Mr. David Von Drehle:
S is for the steroids I allegedly injected
O means only I can take the blame
R and R is what I took when detected
Now Y can't you just let me play the game?