John Kelly's Washington Live

Free-for-all Discussion

Post columnist John Kelly (The Washington Post)

John Kelly writes five times a week about the joys and annoyances of living in Washington. He aims to show readers the Washington (and Silver Spring, Alexandria, Manassas, Bowie ...) that they know and take them places they don't know. He wants to make them see familiar things in unfamiliar ways and unfamiliar things in familiar ways. ("We may occasionally end up seeing unfamiliar things in unfamiliar ways," John says, "but such are the risks of the job.") His columns take a cockeyed view of the place the rest of the planet knows as the Capital of the Free World but that we all call home. John rides the Metro for fun and once kidnapped an Irishman to see what made him tick.

Fridays at 1 p.m. ET John's online to chat about his columns and mull over anything that's on your mind. This week's columns:
One New Team and No End of Suggestions , (Post, Oct. 15)
A Familiar Ring to It, (Post, Oct. 14)
You Can Lead a Dog to Water . . ., (Post, Oct. 13 )
Anything for a Ride in the Bubble, (Post, Oct.12)
Answer Man: Addressing the Numbers, (Post, Oct. 11)

Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.

_____________

John Kelly: Hello there. Your task today is to tell me what sort of socially embarrassing things you do. I don't mean things like pass gas in public, but things that are embarrassing only if others know you are doing them. What prompts this request is my column from Tuesday, in which I related the lengths to which I will go to just sit by myself on the Metro and read a magazine. I call this my private bubble, and the column is about how some of us will do everything but feign a heart attack to keep from running into a nodding acquaintance on the train or bus. I got a lot of reaction from readers, who confessed to doing the same sort of thing. What ELSE do you do?

Other columns this week were about how houses get their addresses, how my dog Charlie learned to swim, more lost-ring stories, and reader suggestions on what our new baseball team should be named. And awaaaaaay we go.

_______________________

Arlington, Va.: Okay, so how does one pronounce Clarendon? When I first moved here a year ago, I was told the first "n" is silent, and not to expose myself as a rube by pronouncing it the way it is spelled. Now that I have trained myself to do this, people look at me strangely when I do. So I'm counting on you, which is it?

John Kelly: "Claredon"? Like the allergy pill? I think I say it like "Clairndin," but I love pronouncing all the letters in everything. And having never lived in Northern Virginia, I wouldn't pretend to be an expert on the ways of the Commonwealth. Anyone else here wanna set Arlington straight?

_______________________

Crisis, Washington, D.C. : Help! Family coming in today - promised them pumpkin farm and apple picking tomorrow and can't find anywhere close by to go. I thought there was a family-friendly place in VA, off of Rt. 66, but can't find it - you have children, have you gone anywhere within a reasonable driving distance to experience apple picking, fresh cider, fall farm stuff, etc? Thank you!

John Kelly: You should never, ever, throw away your Weekend section. You must keep them until they pile up all over the house and the fire marshall intervenes. If you had done so, you would have seen this list of corn mazes and pumpkin patches. Any other suggestions out there about this particular place?

_______________________

washingtonpost.com: List of corn mazes and pumpkin patches.

John Kelly: Here tis.

_______________________

Washington, D.C. : John,

I have to tell you the most amazing thing I saw on the Metro this week. I was waiting to get on the first car of the train as the person standing next to me on the platform had a coffee drink. When the train came to a stop, the conductor, yes conductor, stuck his head out the window to get the coffee drinker's attention. I overheard him say, "You shouldn't take that on the train," but did not wait to hear the rest of the conversation.

Anyway, the conductor allowed the person on the train, but the coffee drinker stood by the front doors (where the conductor could see him) the entire trip. I guess I was impressed that (a) the conductor noticed, (b) no one was accosted, (c) the coffee drinker will likely think twice before bringing on another beverage, assuming he is a reasonable person, and (d) the Metro employee acted professionally and reasonably.

Yes, one could argue that he should not have been allowed on the train. But I am still more impressed that both people handled the situation well, and in my opinion no harm was done.

John Kelly: A stirring tale. As long as that coffee was covered, it's allowed on the train, a Metro spokesman told me. What you're not allowed to do is take a sip from it. So, on the one hand, the driver was wrong to say the drink was verboten, but it does appear that both parties were trying to defuse the situation, the driver by making it clear that consuming a beverage on the train is forbidden, the passenger by showing the driver that he wasn't going to do that. It's amazing how well things work when all parties act like polite, mature grown-ups.

_______________________

Potomac, Md.: Sorry, but there are conflicting superstitions out there. For more than 35 years, I've heard from literally hundreds of people--including an article or two that mentioned this--that finding money IS GOOD LUCK. Naturally, the superstition is that if you find money, that is a gift from the gods, and it is meant as a good sign, a good thing, a positive thing, and that you have been given some free good fortune. Associated with this is the refrain "Find a penny, pick it up/The rest of the day, you'll have good luck." As for finding paper money, well, duh, of course that's considered good luck!

John Kelly: Well what about that old rhyme "Find a penny, leave it there/Otherwise you'll lose your hair"?

No, I'm with you. But at least one reader grwe up hearing the opposite. It's like what they say about winning the lottery: It only ends up making your life a living hell. I'm willing to take that chance.

_______________________

Smeechalina: Doesn't it bug you when you spend hours and hours trying to fix your internet connection and then your daughter fixes it in one second by pushing to plugs together more?

John Kelly: Shouldn't you be practicing your clarinet?

_______________________

John Kelly: [[Sorry. That was a personal message to someone I happen to know, who, if she knows what's good for her, will stop pestering her father while he's working and do her homework or clean her room.]]

_______________________

Over the Edge: I consider myself a nice person. I hold doors for people, give people my seat on metro even if they only look like they have had bad day, spend a lot of time volunteering in the community. I know I am not the only one. So what turns me and many people like me into self-absorbed, self-righteous morons on Metro? I have had it with the crowd of people in front of the door or who simply block the door and not let people out. Moving to the middle of the train is not difficult. If people would move to let people out at stops, then there isn't a problem. I have nicely asked people to move and they think it's better to be rude and obnoxious. Well...those of you who take pride in that sort of stuff, beware. There is a group of us trying something new. Rather than to be nice about it, we're being rude right back. We know words more than 1 syllable too so you may need to start carrying a dictionary. And...what's more, until you and your friends move into the train, we're going to stand and block the doors from closing. That means you won't be going anywhere until you stop being selfish. Metro is PUBLIC transportation not your personal transportation. That means other people get to use it too. What will this accomplish...not a whole lot. But being nice hasn't accomplished anything either.

John Kelly: We may be witness to the birth of a social protest movement not seen since the days of the Freedom Riders. The Rude Riders? I'm intrigued by this notion of multisyllabic insults. Can you give me an example of the withering putdowns you're going to use to get people to move away from the doors? "I say, sirrah, remove thee from thine stationary perch and ambulate into the central portion of our metallic conveyance"?

_______________________

Public Service Announcement, Washington, D.C. : OK. I know riding metro is rough sometimes, and there is plenty of reason to sigh in disgust or sheer exhaustion. But, please, do not blow big, huge breaths out in a confined space like metro! I don't know how many times I've had some big man hugely exhale and blow breath right into my face leaving me nowhere to turn and having to just breathe it in - YUCK!

John Kelly: My advice: wear an aqualung.

_______________________

Gagtown, Orange Line: On several occasions, I have been on an overly crowded metro car in very close proximity to a fellow commuter with very foul body odor. (Not the same commuter each time, different ones). Some of these people smell so bad it's all I can do not to vomit before getting off at my stop!; A few questions: Is there a polite way to let these people know how offensive they smell, at the hope of sparing tomorrow's commuters? Shall I carry trial sized deodorant and hand them out? How can they not SMELL themselves? I know when I need to shower or reapply my deodorant!;

John Kelly: An aqualung with an activated charcoal filter.

But seriously, I don't know what you can do about people who insist on breathing near you. It's going to be a real problem if this year's flu season is especially bad. Last year I did a story on the 1914 flu epidemic and how they urged people not to crowd the streetcars and spread the disease. As for stinky people, I don't know if there's ever a good way to tell someone they smell. My wife ran into this once, with an intern at her old company. I think she was detailed to tell him should shower more or launder his clothes more frequently or both. I can't remember how she did it. Advice?

_______________________

Castle Shannon, Pa.: John, here's a weird one for you. I took today to run some errands and one of them was going to the bank. I didn't have my car with me and the line was long inside so I went to the drive-up window where there was no line. They said I needed a car to get service from that window and made me go inside. What's with this? It's not as if I could rob the place since they have bullet-proof windows.

John Kelly: I've had that happen before. They say it's dangerous for you to be standing at the drive up window, that you might get smushed by a car. Technically you're not supposed to use drive-up ATMS on foot either.

_______________________

Washington, D.C. : Calling the team the "Marionberries" won't necessarily guarantee they stay - they could move to Portland, Oregon. One of Oregon's great delicacies, no joke, is a luscious blackberry-like fruit called the marionberry. (And I believe the berry variety is older than the mayor...)
When we moved from Oregon to DC, my first reaction to the then-mayor's name was, "You're kidding - you mean like the pie?"

John Kelly: The readers who sent in suggestions all had cogent arguments for why their names were the best. (Although I think the "Washington Failing Schools" wouldn't look that good on a shirt.) I found myself liking the Dukes (as in Ellington) and the Diamonds (as in the original shape of the District and the shape of baseball's emerald chessboard). I know there's a lot of sentiment out there for the Senators, but I don't like that one. New team, new start, I say.

_______________________

washingtonpost.com: www.marionberries.com

_______________________

Public places: There are two horrible things that happen in public....a wedgie and static cling. Either cause much consternation for the victim and tons of laughs for the casual observers....I guess the worst possible scenario would be having both at the same time!;!;

John Kelly: Static cling is worse in the winter, right? We can expect the cling season to be upon us soon. If you see someone like that, should you help them? Tell them they're skirt is up their backside? It's sort of like how do you tell someone he smells? The other day I saw a woman whose tag on her blouse was all flipped over. It looked awful, like a napkin hanging off her neck. I wanted to reach over and flip it back, but I would've seemed like some creep. Even telling her seemed to forward, too personal. I didn't do anything.

_______________________

Fairfax, Va.: For Crisis, Washington. We go to Stribling Orchard every year. It is right off I 66 at the Strasburg exit. Apple picking, cute little bakery/store, and pumpkins out the wazoo.

John Kelly: "Pumpkins out the wazoo." An image I'll not get out of my mind anytime soon. The Russian embassy is right around the corner from The Post. They have a pumpkin out front, but it's the sorriest, most pathetic gourd you've ever seen. It's big, but misshapen, and on its side, not its bottom. The Russkies seem to have the right spirit, but just don't know how to execute. I really should ring the bell on the gate and offer to help them out.

_______________________

Arlington, Va.: Re: Clarendon, that person was clearly trying to get one over on you or is just one of those people who thing they know it all but don't. The n is not silent - I don't know anyone who says it that way and I live there. Although I do know a few people who say McLean "Mcleen", like sizzlean, but they are habitual mispronouncers anyway.

John Kelly: That's what I thought.

_______________________

Drive-Up ATMS: "Technically you're not supposed to use drive-up ATMS on foot either." So what's the Braille on them for? The blind have to drive to the ATM in order to use it?

John Kelly: Hmmm. Good question. Any blind readers out there care to answer that?

[[I think they just install the same ATMs in both places: on sidewalks and in drive-thrus.]]

_______________________

Georgetown, Washington, D.C.: Years ago when I was living in Northern Virginia, it was "Clair-n-don" - everyone I knew including my second grade teacher pronounced it that way.

John Kelly: So you leave out the "eh" but not the "n"?

_______________________

Arlington Va.: Lifelong NoVa resident. First N in Clarendon silent? Someone got you buddy. It is pronounced CLARE-EN-DUN.

John Kelly: More support. I'll be revisiting my local pronunciation column soon. I received a lot of flak for printing the letter from a reader who decried the pronunciation "WaRshington," saying the R is an honored local dialect.

_______________________

Washington,D.C.: My submission for the baseball team name is The Georges -- The Washington Georges. You could do lots of gorgeous stuff with that.

John Kelly: I thought the Washington Johnsons, after Walter Johnson, was kind of cool.

_______________________

Hey Smeechalina: It is "two plugs" not "to plugs."

Welcome to the big leagues. Now you see how much fun your father has everyday.

John Kelly: Sadly her father finds himself getting dumber and dumber everyday. Soon I'll be using "to" for "two" (not to mention "too," too). And readers LOVE pointing it out when I make a grammatical mistake, like they've found me with my hand in the till. Am I not human? When you cut me do I not bleed?

_______________________

Washington, D.C. (Submitting early) No real question- just wanted to thank you for some great columns, especially Monday's on the region's address system. Who knew? I rarely read Bob Levey's column, but I try to catch yours regularly. Maybe it's a generational thing -- I grew up in Montgomery Co. in the 70s and 80s, and I appreciate the references to that not-so-long ago but seemingly far away era. Ugh - nostalgia in my early 30's.

washingtonpost.com: Answer Man: Addressing the Numbers, (Post, Oct. 11)

John Kelly: In the future nostalgia will move on a quicker and quicker cycle. VH-1 is already working on the documentary "We Love 2002."

_______________________

Upstate NY: Speaking of money superstitions, have you ever heard the one about if the penny (or other coin) is lying tails up you should leave it because it'll bring bad luck to pick it up? I just heard that one last weekend from a cousin and was surprised (mostly because she's the last person you'd think would believe in silly superstitions).

John Kelly: I just heard this one today in an e-mail from a reader. "Bob N." wrote:

I'm a product of The Great Depession, and consequently am an avid "penny-picker-upper."

Walking down a sidewalk in Winchester, I saw a man approaching, stop,
bend over, look at a coin, and continue walking. Picking it up I
remarked that it was a perfectly good penny, and why didn't he grab it?
"It was tails, and that means bad luck." Of course I snagged it,
considering found money good luck.

_______________________

Namega, ME: Social embarrassment? Here you go: I have the same name as your dog. Not only does this not bother me, I also think it would be a great name for the baseball team: The Washington Charlies. The mascot can be a guy in a suit that looks just like your dog, and anyone named Charlie gets in free.

John Kelly: I had a funny e-mail from a friend in Connecticut who pointed out that her son is named Charlie and she's tired of going to the park and having people shout for their dogs named Charlie. Her daughter's name is Sophie, which is the name of the Rottweiler that my Charlie, the dog, loves to chase around during his morning walks. People are going to have to start naming their kids Rex, Fido and Princess, since no one names their dogs that anymore.

_______________________

washingtonpost.com: For Metro, Time to Ride the Gravy Train (Post, Sept. 30)
Thar's Gold in Them Thar Tunnels (Post, Oct. 8)

_______________________

Arlington, Va.: Whoa John, I see a lot of metro rider rage in the questions coming in. While I agree that there are some disheartening people (verbal or b.o.), venting aggression isn't really appreciated either. Maybe Metro should publish a Metro riders etiquette guide -- possibly number one being when you enter the train move towards the middle of the car so that others behind you will have some space.

Secondly, what's up with all the crazy speeding drivers that have no regard for other people?!; My friend parked along a street in D.C. and right when she was stepping out, a car came flying by and hit her car door. Her leg was barely missed!;

John Kelly: I think part of the rage comes from Metro's problems themselves. When the trains are slow, or we're stuck between stations, we get like the kids in "Lord of the Flies." We start to turn on one another. I agree that we should all just try to get along. Maybe I will take a stab at a riders' guide. Thanks for the idea. As for crazy drivers, I blame the high schools for no longer teaching drivers ed.

_______________________

Downtown, Washington, D.C.: What's happening on the mall today? I hear voices over loudspeakers up here in my perch at the IRS building.

John Kelly: Anyone? If you're near the Mall run outside and take a look then get back to us.

_______________________

Arlington, Va.: Lifelong NoVA resident again, 40+. I have hesitated on the WaRshington thing, because what I have to say isn't that nice. Growing up in Alexandria, we considered those who pronounced Washington with an R to be from the wrong side of the tracks. It was, and still is to me, a lower class, white trash sort of thing. Shame on me for saying it out loud. I almost included this in my post about how to pronounce Clarendon.

John Kelly: Great. So now I'M going to have to say that in the pages of The Post.

_______________________

Anonymous: Why not add dining cars to Metro?
-We can quit pretending there's an enforced rule against food and drink in the trains (the earlier mentioned conductor nothwithstanding).
-People taking hours to get homer after a Redskins (or Expos?) game wo't go hungry.
-It would generate revenue.

John Kelly: I had the same thought myself. Here's a column where I offer all sorts of great $$$-raising ideas, along with another where readers did the same.

_______________________

Albany, NY: I was perusing the Historic Washington Post Online for information on the Grays. Aside from the fact that Negro League Baseball was hardly ever mentioned, I was wondering why the team is usually called the "Homestead Grays"? If the new club is going to use this old name, it might make sense to know from where it came.

John Kelly: Ya know, I don't know why they had "Homestead" as part of their name. I sense an Answer Man column coming on.

_______________________

New Team Name: Let's call them the Federal Falafel's. Or The Loofah's.

John Kelly: Would the pitcher's mound be a no-spin zone?

_______________________

Silver Spring, Md.: To the person who wants to hold the door, make a scene, and use big words, NOBODY appreciate that kind of behavior. If the train is crowded, TOO BAD FOR YOU. As a sensible human being I understand that sometimes the train is crowded and I cannot get on, this also normally means the next train will be coming quickly and will be rather empty. What I HATE is people being loud and annoying, so I hope you don't ride my train and 'act a fool' because I will verbally assualt you until you flood a metro tunnel with your tears. VIVA LA RESISTANCE.....

John Kelly: My goodness. Things are going to get awfully interesting on the trains when these two forces meet. I won't need to read a magazine to kill time. It looks like there'll be a floorshow. All together people: take a deep breath. You'll be home soon enough.

_______________________

Checking the Mall for you: A bunch of workers, mainly blue-collar and service industry types, are protesting various issues this weekend on the Mall.

John Kelly: Thank you! Now can you check on what I'm having for dinner tonight?

_______________________

Crystal City, Va.: Pumpkin patch farm request:
I suggest Great Country Farms.. out in Aldie, VA (refer to page 46A of your Weekend Section)
Not only to they have all you can eat ackles (that's apples!), but a 60 foot slide (wheee),
Pig (oink, oink) races, kettle corn, country store (that's has pricey stuff), and a pumpkin-chompin' P-Rex for the kids. There are hayrides out to the pumpkin patch.. and they have pumpkins out to -yeng-yang!!
Enjoy!

John Kelly: Another pumpkin recommendation. Do you duty.

_______________________

Tenleytown, Washington, D.C.: John: You need to read your own paper. The Reverend Ken Hutcherson is leading a Mayday for Marriage rally on the mall.

washingtonpost.com: Evangelical Leaders Appeal to Followers to Go to Polls (Post, Oct. 15)

John Kelly: I read everything but Page A6 today. Really. Quiz me on something else.

_______________________

Washington, D.C.: Speaking of embarressing, I once saw a blind person on the Metro with 2 different colored sneakers on, one black, one white. I wanted to say something but didn't, and I'm ashamed of myself. How does a visually impaired person keep their different pairs of shoes straight? I know I couldn't. I still felt really bad, though.

John Kelly: And you're sure they weren't going for some sort of look?

_______________________

Silver Spring, Md.: Here's some social embarassment for ya. In college I had what doctors think might have been a seizure. I blacked out, fell out of my chair, and urinated myself. I was in a lecture hall with 250 people. The kicker, the class was human sexuality. Side note, the doctors never told me what was wrong with me so this could happen again at any time. What prize do I win??

John Kelly: Prize? How about the Revelatory Post of the Day Award? And remind me not to sit next to you on the Metro.

_______________________

Alexandria, Va.: The Homestead Grays split time between DC and Pittsburgh. The name came about because they originally got started in 1910 in a town in Pennsylvania called Homestead, where the colored mill workers started the team as a recreational outlet. (This info is from the Baseball Almanac online.)

John Kelly: Thank you. You guys are so good.

_______________________

Washington, DC: John, the Russian embassy is on Wisconsin Avenue in Glover Park. What the heck embassy are you talking about?

John Kelly: Well it used to be the Russian Embassy, before they built the new one, which, you'll recall, was held up because we found bugs in OUR embassy in Moscow (while tunneling under THEIR embassy in Glover Park). I think the one near The Post is some annex to the big, newer one. Any Russians monitoring this chat?

_______________________

Arlington, Va.: On the street thing, Spring Hill Lake in Greenbelt seems to have all of its streets named Edmonston something, street, drive, terrace. How people find their way around in that area is incomprehensible.

John Kelly: There's a neighborhood in Rockville that has streets named after WWII battles. The houses were obviously intended for returning GIs and that always struck me as odd. If you just got back from fighting for your life in the Pacific, would you want to live on Iwo Jima Court?

_______________________

Washington, D.C.: Periodically, there is an announcement on the Metrobus to the effect that one should report suspicious packages, etc. "to the proper authorities." Just who are the "proper authorities?" The bus driver, the guard in the kiosk if one can find him or her, the police, the FBI? Just out of curiosity, Are there "Improper authorities?" Come to think of it, I can think of some.

John Kelly: It does seem that in the interests of time they could leave out the word "proper" and just say "authorities." The driver or any Transit Police officer would do.

_______________________

Silver Spring, MD: I could go for a team named the Diamonds. I don't even think it would confused with the Arizona Diamondbacks, as some might fear. heck there are White and Red Sox in MLB.

John Kelly: Ah, I'd forgotten about the Diamondbacks.

_______________________

Arlington, Va.: Yesterdy, I was on an Orange line toward Vienna and when I got on there was a woman in a wheelchair blocking the center door on the other side. Although her chair was electronic, she just sat there, not moving it back and forth depending upon which door was open, and people getting on had to squeeze by her. When I got off, I walked to another door. I don't know what the protocol would be in a case like this, but I felt creepy even worrying about it.

John Kelly: Well, we don't know her side of the story, and I hadn't really intended this chat to become "let's bash the disabled." If she'd been able to move, she should have, but maybe she couldn't.

_______________________

Re: Smeecharina: John,

My "to" v. "two" post was intended to jokingly (sarcasm is slightly difficult in written form, no?) deride those people who are always harping on everybody for grammar mistakes.

John Kelly: Schmeechalina will be glad to hear that.

_______________________

Near Union Station, DC: I witnessed an actual Metrorail police officer eating a bag of popcorn at Union Station one day and told him he wasn't supposed to do that. He and this co-officer said that they could because they weren't beyond the fare gates!; Didn't matter that they were only about six feet from said gates, apparently. Anyway, I complained to the captain who oversees that office as well as Metro PR and the matter got due attention. Surprisingly, the officers admitted to the eating!; How are we supposed to counsel our fellow riders if the cops can't even get their act together, and with unknowing tourists abounding at such large stations? Unbelievable!;!;

John Kelly: This is something I hear every week: Transit Police officers eating in the station. I don't know how prevalent it really is, but chatters routinely bring it up. It's disheartening, if true. But the story the other day about how poorly Metro handles service after a Redskins game was also pretty depressing.

_______________________

Washington, re: crazy drivers: I am a life-long and enthusiastic pedestrian who does not own a car. For the past few months, however, due to an unexpected medical condition, I have been driving my boyfriend's car all across town on a regular basis. While I do encounter many crazy drivers, what has been a real eye-opener to me has been the number of crazy pedestrians--most prominently, people who step off the curb against the light, get out of their car, or otherwise interject themselves unexpectedly into the street WITHOUT LOOKING TO SEE IF A CAR IS COMING. So, before joining in the lament over the number of crazy drivers (which is large) I would ask the earlier poster, did your friend look to see if any cars were coming before opening her door and stepping out into the street? People opening car doors can be one of the most difficult things to anticipate when you're behind the wheel, in part because you have to spend a lot of time paying attention to the other crazy DRIVERS on the road, in addition to possible pedestrians.

John Kelly: Good point. And an amazing number of pedestrians get hit by cars in our area for precisely the reasons you outline.

_______________________

Silver Spring, Md.: This "Revelatory Post of the Day Award", is it given out at some sort of banquet, possibly with a Mexican themed menu?? Could answer man tell me why Burritos are so delicious?

John Kelly: Maybe we should have a John Kelly's Washington Banquet. I could ask the people behind the Sunday Source's fun reader club for tips. I guess we'd have to all ride the Metro to get there. Actually eating ON the Metro would send the wrong message.

_______________________

Washington, D.C.: I once came to work with two different shoes on (one brown, one black) because I was standing on my bathroom sink, trying to decide which one looked better with my tweed pants. I was distracted by the dog, then saw that I was late, and only noticed it when I was on the metro.

John Kelly: Depending on your personality, that was probably seen as either an endearing quirk or yet more evidence of a seriously troubled psyche.

_______________________

Metro Stop Pronunciation: There's one conductor on the Orange line who pronounces it "Clar-ING-don" it drives me crazy, along with the breathers and the smelly people.

John Kelly: Another question for me to ask Metro: Is there some sort of train driver finishing school, a la "Pygmalion," where proper pronunciation is taught?

_______________________

Eastern Market, Washington, D.C.: I have trouble with the sudden jerks on the subway when it stops and starts at stations. They actually give me panic attackes so if I am sitting, I need to lean forward. I know I look like an idiot when I do this, but my heart races if I don't.

John Kelly: Your secret's safe with us and there's no shame in indulging the little survival mechanisms that get us through the day. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone else, go for it. Now, if you had to spread out on two seats, shout at the top of your lungs and eat fried clams to calm yourself, then there might be a problem.

_______________________

John Kelly: That's all the time we have today. Thanks for joining in. I'll see you in the paper on Monday (or on your computer screen if you're one of THOSE sorts of readers). Good luck with the pumpkins and the pronunciation, and if there's anything I should know about, drop me a line at kellyj@washpost.com. Peace out.

_______________________