I'm 43 years old. I work at home as a freelance writer. I have two school-age kids, a husband and a dog. I work out on the treadmill or exercise bike every day and do yoga once a week. I love pizza, the beach and 19th-century novels.
And, oh, yes: I pee my pants nearly every day.
My kids are all too familiar with my last-minute (often past-minute) sprints to the bathroom. They've seen me clutch myself, Michael Jackson style, as I try to staunch the flow. They know well the panicky, wild-eyed grimace that means I'm in urgent need of a potty when there's nary a one nearby.
But until I decided to write this article, they were among the very few who knew my little secret. I've never discussed it with a doctor. Until recently, I'd never even told my husband. The only people I'd talked to about my problem were a few fellow moms, who, in conspiratorial conversations laced with exasperated chuckles, I'd happened to discover were in the same (leaky) boat.
Like the friend who confided that she's never gone a day without wearing a panty-liner since her first baby was born. (That baby's a sophomore in college now.) Or others who report being constantly on guard against sneezing, lifting heavy boxes, even sudden snorts of laughter. And those are the lucky ones: At least they have some clue as to what triggers their trickles. Many women -- including me -- find themselves leaking out of the blue. Yet none of the women I've spoken with has sought medical help.
That, I've learned, is pretty much the norm.
"It's all hush-hush" says William Steers, chairman of urology at the University of Virginia School of Medicine and the National Institutes of Health's clinical trial steering committee on urinary incontinence treatment. "Women have an enormously difficult time mentioning word one about this. For such a common, common problem, it is absolutely silent."
Of course, Steers -- who serves as a consultant to several drug companies including Pfizer and Eli Lilly, both of which have developed incontinence medications -- may have a stake in wanting more public talk about the subject. But so do I.
The silence -- mine and that of the estimated 40 million other women who wet their pants -- is arguably silly. Because, according to experts, most cases of urinary incontinence can be treated -- or even cured -- with medications, behavior modification or surgery. New treatments, including Botox injections and targeted antidepressants, are under study, and more are coming.
To access them, these experts claim, all we need do is get out of the closet and into the doctor's office -- and stop assuming this is a normal part of life.
