Democracy Rocks, But in a Very Low Key

D.J. Spooky prepares to tear it up at Black Cat. (Christian Witkin)

It's always a bad sign at a victory celebration when people sit silently staring at a television screen, chewing their nails. At Democrat-friendly election night parties in Washington, it was difficult to, well, party. "Nobody knows if they’re going to win. Nobody wants to throw a party for a bunch of losers," observed Hans Riemer, Rock the Vote's Washington director, as he watched returns at the 9:30 club.

Around town, people were drinking and dancing trying to fete the miracle of democracy, but nobody really knew anything. Geoff Dawson, owner of Buffalo Billiards, presided over a capacity crowd of 800, of both political persuasions, last night: "It was a packed house and it felt like it was about half full," he told us. "There are a lot of really nervous people waiting for some good news, and good news is not coming through." The same seemed true at the Cada Vez club, scene of the Congressional Black Caucus's subdued election-watch party. The sound was bass-heavy, the mood anxious as the partisan crowd erupted in prolonged applause whenever Kerry snagged a state.

Some Dem partygoers still staked their hopes on a youthquake for Kerry. At the 9:30, Bob Mould, formerly of the Minneapolis pop-punk band Husker Du, now a D.C. resident, did a turntable set of house music and indie rock and predicted that Kid Power would ultimately matter. "What drew the line was seeing how my people, the homosexuals, are being treated. Kerry is more forward-thinking," he told us. "And I think the kids are more forward-thinking."

At the Black Cat, D.J. Spooky (who grew up in Washington as Paul Miller) waited to do his multimedia set in an upbeat frame of mind. "There's a good energy in the room so far," he told us while the outcome remained murky. "There's a very expectant mood that Bush is going to lose." Maybe, maybe not.

Outside Club 1223, site of a competing Rock the Vote party, models in long, black satin dresses stood on a red carpet posing for pictures, just in case anyone wanted to pretend they were celebrities. Inside the swanky club, dance beats pounded and people endeavored to have fun, no matter what the polls said. Some of the young and hip were paying little heed to election results popping up on TV screens. "What's the date again?" one male attendee asked. Then again, it was an open bar.

Vote Fore! President Tiger?

Finally, a unity candidate? The dust is still settling on the '04 race, and already politicos are clamoring: Tiger Woods for president! In a "swing-vote special," the latest Travel + Leisure Golf magazine talks to political analysts including Jack Kemp, Joe Trippi, Dick Morris and Frank Luntz on the golfing god's political possibilities. Though Woods is only 28 and has a few years to go before he's eligible to run, "he could do it. He'd be it. He'd be the revolution," declares Trippi, the initial orchestrator of Howard Dean's presidential bid.

Says Kemp, a former pro quarterback, Republican congressman and veep candidate: "He's got natural appeal, a great smile and a very effective personality. Also, he transcends the many differences in our heterogeneous society."

Though not overtly political, Woods has some slight connections to political power: The father of his wife, Elin Nordegren, covers the White House for Swedish TV, and her mother is a member of the Swedish cabinet. "My guess is that Tiger would stand a better chance of actually being elected as a Republican," opines Morris, the former Clinton White House adviser turned Fox News contributor. Claims GOP pollster Luntz: "He would capture the country."

Don't Send 'Em Walking, Let Your Bumper Stickers Keep Talking

• So you want to recycle your presidential-election bumper stickers? Statistics prof Lisa Schaefer has a solution, at least for Democrats. Using anagram-generating software, she has turned the slogan "Kerry Edwards/A Stronger America/JohnKerry.com" into: "darK dry sEwer/Error Gets a Maniac/hornyJerK.com." But what does it all mean?

"The first line represents the source of election lawyers," Schaefer, a 34-year-old visiting assistant professor at American University, told us yesterday. "The second line represents what will happen if there's an error in counting the votes again. And the third line is the reputation of many politicians." Cute. So you're a . . . ? "I'm neither a Democrat nor a Republican," she replied. "In fact, I voted for a Dem and a Republican this morning -- but I won't say which one." Best to just let the bumper sticker do the talking.

The Daily Blowhard

"She's a fascist party doll!"

-- Comedian-actor Richard Belzer, about conservative pundit Ann Coulter.

"Is that Richard Belzer on the panel? I thought it was Osama Bin Laden."

-- Coulter, responding to Belzer's remark on Bill Maher's "Real Time" show on HBO.

SQUIBS

Chris Johns, the new editor of National Geographic magazine. (Courtesy of National Geographic)

• The National Geographic Society yesterday named Chris Johns, a veteran photographer, as the editor-in-chief of its 9 million circulation magazine, succeeding Bill Allen, 63, who's retiring at the end of the year. Johns, 53, rises from associate editor to become only the ninth full-time editor in the society's 116-year history. "What I'd like to do is build on the foundation that Bill Allen's established: make the magazine smarter, faster, more engaging, more relevant," he told us yesterday. As for the announcement coming on Election Day, when barely any journalist might pay heed, Johns joked: "I just wanted to take myself out of the running for any Cabinet positions in either party."

• You may recall how the sexy cinematic team of Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson partied it up and wowed the ladies of Washington while filming "The Wedding Crashers" here over the summer. Wilson, for one, has fond memories: "I'll tell you, D.C. is a great city! I don't know what the ratio of girls to guys is up there, but it's pretty slanted in our favor," he tells Giant, a new entertainment mag for young men. "It was like fishing with dynamite."

• Official results aside, John Kerry did win by an ice cream landslide. So said the results of the DC Coast, TenPenh and Ceiba restaurants' ice cream survey that began Sept. 1. An astounding 64.4 percent of customers chose Kerry-related flavors.

• Crossing over: Another big-name musician is getting into the football franchise biz. Country star Tim McGraw, who plays a former high-school footballer in the movie "Friday Night Lights," has become part owner of the Arena Football League's Nashville Kats. Rocker Jon Bon Jovi is part owner of the Philadelphia Soul AFL team, and according to the Associated Press, McGraw joked he'd do anything to help promote his own new team -- even if it means getting on the field with Bon Jovi. "If he gets out there, I'll get out there because I know I can cream him," McGraw said.

• Leading indicators: In his last regular column, published in Newsday yesterday, legendary columnist Jimmy Breslin said he was so sure John Kerry would triumph that he didn't plan to stay up to watch the returns: "So I go to bed with total confidence," wrote the 74-year-old scribe. "And I leave today as the only one in America who from the start was sure John Kerry would win by a large margin."

With Anne Schroeder