Drug-Expensive Zone

Malaprop said, "The ones who always complain about prices are senior citizens."

Gladstern agreed. "They complain about everything. Even my mother called me a serial pill gouger the other day."

"Don't senior citizens understand how capitalism works?" Shortstop asked.

"We have to make it much clearer. I suggest a commercial showing white rats playing in their cages. A man in a white jacket says, 'Each rat costs us two dollars, but we don't mind spending the money if it will help our researchers find a new pill to cure athlete's foot.' "

"It should fly," Dormer said. "We could also do another TV ad. It would show an elderly couple with white hair surfing in Hawaii. As they come out of the water holding a surfboard the husband says, 'Thanks to Whizbottom I feel like a new man.' His wife winks and says: 'He is a new man. Jerry has found the perfect pill for the perfect wave.' Then a voice-over will say, 'Warning, Whizbottom may cause nausea, high blood pressure, tingling in your feet, shortness of breath, dizziness and should not be taken when driving a bulldozer.' Then the couple dives back into the ocean."

Malaprop said, "If we are really sincere, we can win back the hearts and minds of our customers. But we have to double our public relations budget."

Shortstop asked, "Can we afford it?"

Malaprop replied, "We can if we double the price of our drugs."

© 2004 Tribune Media Services, Inc.