Week 565: More Honorable Mentions

We had more good suggested anthems than we had room for in the paper for Week 565 of The Style Invitational. Here are some more Honorable Mentions:

To "If I Only Had a Brain":

When the king imposed a tariff, he didn't even care if

It was more than we could pay.

Then the crates of tea were tossed into the harbor there in Boston,

Which is why we're here today.

When at first we faced the British, we felt a little skittish

And longed to run away.

But we fought hard and beat 'em, and we won the nation's freedom.

That is why we're here today.

(Barb Sarshik, McLean)

To the "Green Acres" theme song:

A-merica's the place to be,

We don't want no monarchy!

As for princes, we'll take none,

We'll just elect another president's son.

(Russell Beland, Springfield)

To "Ding, Dong, the Witch Is Dead":

Ding dong, We beat the Brits,

Which old Brits?

The sissy Brits!

(Claire Tuley, Fairfax Station)

To "Every Breath You Take":

Every breath we take, every move we make,

Every bond we break, every book we take,

They'll be watching us.

Every single day, every word we say,

Every place we stay,

'Specially if you're gay,

They'll be watching us.

(Joseph Romm, Washington)

To "YMCA":

Young man, now we're being attacked.

I said young man, you know it's a fact.

I said young man, with the Patriot Act

We can make you be unhappy . . .

It's fun to live in the U. S. of A.

It's fun to live in the U. S. of A.

We have stress techniques to harass and annoy.

We will jail every traitor boy.

(Barb Sarshik, McLean)

To "Jingle Bells":

America, America,

It's such a crazy place

Super-size my curly fries

Or get out of my face,

America, America,

We truly are obese,

More cheese on my burger, please,

One nation under grease.

(Josh Borken, Bloomington, Minn.)

To "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General":

We came from England, France, Ukraine, Belize, Nepal, Ruthenia,

From Norway, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Belarus, Armenia,

From Paraguay, Brazil, Japan, Taiwan, Siam, Algeria,

From Niger, Chad, Benin, Tunisia, Togo and Siberia.

(Dean N. Alterman, Portland, Ore.)

To "Another Brick in the Wall":

We don't need no League of Nations, no

We don't need no Security Council veto

Hey, Europe, leave U.S. alone.

(Russell Beland)

To "The Stars and Stripes Forever":

The U.S. of A. is all right,

We have lots of contented consumers,

There's passable water to drink,

And the mail's really not too slow,

Our grocery store's open all night,

And my HMO's thinking 'bout my tumors,

We don't have to bother to think,

And on Election Day I'll vote on Karl Rove's say-so.

(Bill Spencer, Exeter, N.H.)

To the chorus of "You Raise Me Up":

I have a house, and kids who are in college.

I have a car, plus more than I can say.

I thank the banks, for giving me the lev'rage,

You raised me up, to more than I can pay.

(Dave Prevar, Annapolis)

To "Home on the Range":

Oh, give me a land where the mansions are grand

And the 95-octane abounds,

Where the cars are so wide they fit six side to side

Even though we're all 300 pounds.

(Dan Seidman, Watertown, Mass.)

To "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall":

Ninety-nine bombs bursting up in the air,

Ninety-nine bombs in the air.

Rockets' red glare, our flag is still there,

Ninety-eight bombs bursting up in the air . . .

(Frank Mullen III, Aledo, Ill.)

To "You're the Top":

We're the cop! We're the western marshal.

We're the cop! We're the law, impartial . . .

The world's a fearful place, a basket case, a flop.

So who cares if we just shot 'em, we're the cop!

(Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

To "America" ("My Country 'Tis of Thee"):

Our record sucks on race

Pollution's in our face

And we're obese.

We like huge SUVs,

We always aim to please,

Though we do the antitheses,

Like shoot for peace.

(Jane Auerbach, Los Angeles)

To "409":

Well, we beat the British and we beat their best,

Glorious, glorious U.S.A.

The Monroe Doctrine took care of the rest,

Glorious, glorious U.S.A.

So now we have our very own U.S.A.

Glorious, glorious, glorious U.S., U.S.A., glorious U.S. . . . U.S.A. . . . glorious U.S.

Our three-branch, bicameral, democratic U.S.A.

(Russell Beland)

To "You Can't Take That Away From Me":

The words that Lincoln wrote

In 1863,

The way we get to vote.

No, no! They can't take that away from me.

The right to know the news,

The right to disagree,

To pray the way we choose,

No, no! They can't take that away from me.

(Barb Sarshik, McLean)

To "Mambo No. 5":

A little bit of lovely spacious skies,

A little bit of amber waves of grain,

A little bit of purple mountain range,

A little bit above the fruited plain . . .

(Gene Brown , Concord, Calif.)

To "Do the Hokey Pokey":

We have the will to win,

We kick the British out,

We take some more states in

And we earn ourselves some clout.

We say it's okey-dokey

That we push the world around.

That's what we're all about!

(Eric Murphy, Chicago)

To "The Way You Look Tonight":

Someday when you're feeling low

In Guantanamo,

You will come to know

That we don't love you

'Cause the way you look's not right.

(Barb Sarshik and Leah Pike, McLean)

To the "Blue Danube" Waltz:

I love this land (America!)

It's ever so grand (America!)

I'll never bail out (America!)

Although I may pout (America!)

Just try it and see (America!)

I'm sure you'll agree (America!)

The ruling elite take a seat, and we cannot get them out.

(Bill Spencer)

To (duh) "Over There":

Over there, over there,

You don't like the U.S.A., we don't care.

You don't have to tell us, we know you're jealous

And unlike the French we change our underwear . . .

(Peter Metrinko, Plymouth, Minn.)

To "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover":

. . . We'd like to help you in your struggle to be free.

There must be fifty ways to cross our border:

You just slip into Maine, Jane.

Hide in the van, Stan.

You don't need to be shy, Di.

Just listen to me.

Hop on the truck, Chuck.

Pay a grand to the man and

Just get to L.A., Ray

And get yourself free.

(Chris Doyle)

To the theme from "The Flintstones":

U.S.! We're the U.S.!

With our famed Stone Age mentality.

Hating is our bedrock

As is raging inequality.

(Phil Frankenfeld, Washington)

To "If I Were a Rich Man":

How I love my country

I would never think to move away to any other land

For it's true that English is the one

Language that I understand.

(Dean N. Alterman)

To "I Get a Kick Out of You":

We get no thrill from champagne.

Chic Frenchy wine sends no chill up our spine.

So then why do aristocrats joke

When we get a kick out of Coke?

We never eat quiche Lorraine,

Beef bourguignon makes us want to poupon.

And the world always overreacts

When we want to snack on Big Macs.

(Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)