Two clouds -- one chemical, one unnatural -- hang over baseball as this season begins. Of course, I speak of anabolic steroids and Red Sox Nation.
Now, you can legislate against performance-enhancing substances, but you can't legislate against obnoxious New England fans (unless some type of standardized birth control is introduced to the greater Boston metropolitan area).
| _____ Monday Morning _____
A look back at the weekend and a look ahead at the coming week's action with a fresh new edge.
• Norman Chad's Couch Slouch
• Starting Lineup
• The Chat: "The Daily Show" correspondent Rob Corddry
• 7 Days
_____ The Quote _____
"There's a big difference in trying to work your way around a gravel pit and work your way past a Starbucks."
-- Travis Gregg, an open-wheel Infiniti Pro Series driver, on the difference between a street course and a road course. _____ Monday Morning Poll _____
Note: This is an unscientific survey of washingtonpost.com readers.
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Here is the steroid situation, up to the minute:
Jason Giambi is the face of steroids but will not say the "s" word.
Mark McGwire will not say anything, including the "s" word, if it involves discussing the past.
Sammy Sosa will not say the "s" word in English but will gladly tell you, "Beisbol hacido muy, muy buena para mi."
And Barry Bonds is so exhausted, if he were reciting the alphabet, he'd be too tired to get to "s."
Meanwhile, Jose Canseco is roaming the countryside (and cable TV), finding human growth hormones under every rock, and Bud Selig is returning calls on a rotary phone while spit-polishing his Neville Chamberlain bobblehead doll.
Our grandparents enjoyed the summer of '41, we enjoyed the summer of '98. Or, as it turns out, they got the boys of summer, we got Rodents of Unusual Size.
And Barry, Barry, Barry -- what were you thinking with this woman?
Kimberly Bell, who had a nine-year relationship with Bonds and plans to write a book, recently testified before a federal grand jury investigating steroids. If what she says is true, Bonds broke two basic rules of marriage:
1. Don't cheat on your wife.
2. If you do cheat on your wife, don't leave a trail of voice mail on the third party's answering machine.
(Hey, I've done a lot of things wrong in my failed marriages and I know I'll do the same things wrong in my future marriages, but I never wandered near infidelity. Like I'm going to attract potential mistress activity from the sofa, anyway.)
