Body and Soul
THE EXPANDING GIRTH OF THE LIPOSUCTION MARKET (I) "Pumpkin," a 12.1-pound Chihuahua, returned to the Boca Greens Animal Hospital in Boca Raton for a checkup after liposuction surgery. Her new weight was reported at 11.4 pounds. The staff stressed, however, that surgery is never a substitute for regular exercise and a modest number of treats.
-- Palm Beach Post, June 22
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GREAT MOMENTS IN RELIGION 2004 (I) The Columbus (Ohio) City Council approved a building permit for the Faith Christian Center of Plains Township to construct a new commercial complex centered on an indoor skateboard park, with restaurant, arcade and pro shop. It will be named Godz Xtreme Power Park.
-- Columbus Dispatch, May 11
LEADING ECONOMIC INDICATOR Overworked Catholic clergy in the United States, Canada and Europe are outsourcing prayer requests from parishioners to Catholic clergy in India. Priests in India said the requests are typically accompanied by $5 or $10, which is more than they are offered for domestic prayers.
-- New York Times, June 13
GREAT MOMENTS IN RELIGION 2004 (II) Archaeologists excitedly announced that they had discovered, in ruins on the Wittenberg, Germany, property of 16th-century philosopher Martin Luther, the actual stone toilet on which he often sat while composing the manifesto that launched the Reformation. (Luther suffered from severe, chronic constipation, to which he frequently alluded.)
-- Daily Telegraph (London), Oct. 22
EPISODES IN INCOMPLETE THINKING (I) A 23-year-old man in Hartland, Maine, was hospitalized after an attempted suicide by crucifixion. He had built a wooden cross, placed it on the floor and nailed one hand to it. According to the arresting officer, "When he realized that he was unable to nail his other hand to the board, he called 911."
-- Bangor Daily News, March 15
Guv'mint at Work
WHAT LEADERSHIP CRISIS? Rep. Major Owens, Democrat from Brooklyn, proudly circulated the script for his new play, "The Viagra Monologues," intended as a male rejoinder to Eve Ensler's prominent work, "The Vagina Monologues." Owens's work includes such memorable lines as "Monogamy is for chumps" and "Boyhood self-esteem dies/Gawking at the other guy's size."
-- New York Post, March 21, 22
DEMOCRACY IN ACTION In a recall election, Ken Blodgett, president of the Ochoco West Sanitary District Board (Crook County, Ore.), was voted out, 39-29. One of the main issues: Blodgett's decision to stop payment on a $14.03 invoice for office supplies, which he said lacked proper authorization.
And the Saunders County (Neb.) Board of Supervisors voted twice not to reimburse Register of Deeds Don Clark for the cost of a sandwich he ate while out of town on business. After Clark filed a lawsuit seeking reimbursement for the $4.80 meal (plus attorney fees), the board had to hire an outside lawyer to deal with the matter.
-- Bend (Ore.) Bulletin, March 1; Omaha World-Herald, March 10;
Wahoo (Neb.) Newspaper, March 11
THE LAWS OF IRONY ARE STRICTLY ENFORCED Elections officials notified Katherine Harris, who was the state's top election official during Florida's 2000 presidential voting mess and is now a Republican member of Congress, that the absentee ballot she cast in a March 2004 local election in Longboat Key did not get counted because she forgot to sign it.
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, May 8
Chuck Shepherd writes the weekly syndicated column, "News of the Weird," which appears locally in Washington City Paper. His e-mail address is weirdnews@earthlink.net.
