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The Bench Press

By Art Buchwald
Tuesday, April 5, 2005; Page C04

William Shakespeare became a celebrity when he said, "Kill all the lawyers."

A conservative friend of mine, Sam Sampson, went one step further and said, "Let's kill all the judges."

I whistled. "Does this mean you want to pull the rug out from under the judicial system?"

"Yes. If they don't want to interpret the Constitution as we know it, then I say off with their robes."

"But if you're for the 'right to life,' you're not supposed to kill anybody."

"There can always be exceptions."

"Judges are human like everybody else," I said.

"Not necessarily. There are human judges and nonhuman judges."

"How can you tell the difference?"

Sampson said, "All you have to do is read their decisions and watch their body language."

"How would you know?"

"You may not know, but our people do."

"Meaning those who believe in the right god?"

"I'm not going to name names."

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