John Kelly's Washington Live

Post columnist John Kelly (The Washington Post)

John Kelly writes five times a week about the joys and annoyances of living in Washington. He aims to show readers the Washington (and Silver Spring, Alexandria, Manassas, Bowie ...) that they know and take them places they don't know. He wants to make them see familiar things in unfamiliar ways and unfamiliar things in familiar ways. ("We may occasionally end up seeing unfamiliar things in unfamiliar ways," John says, "but such are the risks of the job.") His columns take a cockeyed view of the place the rest of the planet knows as the Capital of the Free World but that we all call home. John rides the Metro for fun and once kidnapped an Irishman to see what made him tick.

Fridays at 1 p.m. ET John is online to chat about his columns and mull over anything that's on your mind. This week's columns:
We Work Hard for the Money (Post, Feb. 18)
Taken to Tough Tasks (Post, Feb. 17)
Metro's End of the Line for the Lost (Post, Feb. 16)
The Man Who Keeps the Hill Ticking (Post, Feb. 15)
Answer Man: Highway Lights and Landings (Post, Feb. 14) Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.

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John Kelly: So, we meet again. Like two poles of a magnet, we're drawn closer. I'm glad you could make it. We'll be starting soon. Me? Well I just got here myself. I was out doing some "reporting" and haven't even had time for lunch. So let's just jump right into this, shall we?

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Arlington, Va.: On the Metro Lost and Found, I remember a long while ago, some former boss lost something on the bus and sent me up to the bus barn at 14th and Colorado to rescue it. More recently, I found somebody's DayTimer on the Red line and turned it in to the kiosk attendant at the station where I got off. It makes me wonder if I should have tried to contact the loser myself. Then, I would have known if object and owner were reunited.

John Kelly: Sure, contact people directly. But Metro does make a pretty good attempt to find the losers. If something has a name on it, as a DayTimer presumably does, they will make that call. The trouble, they told me, is that lots of stuff doesn't have names on it, and that people don't always know that they lost it on the Metro, and so they don't even bother to check with Metro Lost & Found. I've left several umbrellas there, but never anything important, knock on wood. A woman called me yesterday to say that she had left a lipstick on the Metro and did I think they would have it. I don't know if I would turn in a lipstick. And I don't know if I would use a lipstick after it had ridden around without me on the Metro. (Well, I know I wouldn't.) She said it was an expensive lipstick, $25.

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Rockville, Md.: It's gross and it's general and not very specific, and not really out of line for the job at hand, but if you've ever had to clean up a public bathroom--like we did back in high school at an old Rustler's, because we were lowly bus boys and cleaning up the bathroom was part of the job--then you've performed what is surely one of the most unsavory task in all of work. It's embarassing in the sense that, well, it's cleaning up a public bathroom. And the manager had the guys clean up the women's bathroom sometimes, which was also embarassing. Cleaning up bathrooms, usually done at the end of your shift, is just not fun.

John Kelly: Did you work at Rustler's?!? I did too, briefly. And yes it was unpleasant. There's no good time to clean a bathroom, unless it's just after someone else has cleaned it. What's ironic--and by "ironic" I mean "cosmically unfair"--is that I now clean the bathrooms in our house. I don't know how it happened but one day My Lovely Wife just stopped.

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Anonymous: I've just finished my copy of the new "newspaper" in town. It wasn't half bad. What are your thoughts?
Does D.C. get a new baseball team AND a newspaper war?

John Kelly: I think it can only get better.

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Arlington, Va.: John,

My wife wanted to go to NY this weekend to see some exhibit, but I couldn't get Monday off work. Do you have any suggestions of something "exiting" I can do on Saturday evening in this area to make up for it? I know you're not the going out people, but you do live here and have a wife. Thank you.

John Kelly: "But you do live here and have a wife."

And this qualifies me to do what, exactly? Hmmmm, something exciting....Go to a fancy restaurant and skip out on the bill. I recommend climbing out the window of the bathroomm. (Note: Make sure to pick a restaurant where the bathrooms have windows.) As for what my wife and I are going to do, we're actually hoping to see "Sideways" Saturday night. Not very exciting, but then we're boring people. Other suggestions for this fellow?

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Potomac, Md.: Hi, John. Great columns this week--really fun, entertaining stuff that delved into local life.

Here's a question (and sorry if we missed the answer in the column): What, exactly, does Metro do with all of those Lost and Found items after a certain period of time if no one ever claims them? Is that stuff available to folks for free or to buy cheap? They can't just throw out all of that stuff.

John Kelly: I knew someone was going to ask me that and Metro has not gotten back to me with an answer. I mentioned in my column that every three months electronic items are auctioned off. Because they don't want Lost & Found employees bidding on those items, they aren't even informed when the auctions are. (I guess the fear is that the employees might be tempted to hold onto something valuable.) If Metro gets back to me before the end of the chat, I'll let you know.

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Charles Town, W.Va.: One of the best times of my life was during my one semester at American U. in the fall of 1949. I would take a bus downtown and go to the Capitol Theatre to see the stage show and whichever Big Band was appearing. Is there somewhere I can find information about that period of downtown DC, including names of theatres and night clubs? I think the Blue Mirror was a jazz club and the Gayety was a place where no decent boy would go!!! Now you can see just as much at a Wal-Mart!! Thanks .

John Kelly: It's funny you should mention that. I recently received a copy of a book called "Something Will Come Along," by Malcolm Lawrence. The subtitle is "Witty Memoirs of a Foreign Service Officer With Nine Children." I haven't read it yet, so I don't know how witty it is. And I don't know how it differs from a memoir of a foreign service officer with eight children, or 10. But Lawrence was a swing drummer and it has sections on the clubs and musicians of those days. You might look for a copy on Amazon.

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Aurora, Ill.: Greetings,
I'm convinced! I'll subscribe to the Post. Do you think it can be delivered to my house by 5:30 am so I can read it on the train? I can flex a bit and pick up my copy at the train station at Route 59 if that is easier.

John Kelly: Hey, you're the one who chose to live in Aurora, Ill., just to be close to your job/loved one/place of worship/methodone clinic/bookie. I give you a dispensation to read The Post online. But you have to purchase one book per year by a Post writer and subscribe to Newsweek.

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Gaithersburg, Md.: Hey, Answer Man,
Thanks for answering my question about the Eisenhower interstate highway system (emergency air landing strips). Isn't it amazing how urban legends can grow legs! Take a germ of an idea from the Autobahn, transfer it to the U.S., and voila!, you have a "fact" that gets repeated enough times, even in print, until a substantial portion of the public is convinced that it is true. This is why I like the cable TV show "Mythbusters". They debunk many urban myths. Very entertaining and informative.

John Kelly: Thanks for sending Answer Man that question. Keep them coming. If he runs out of questions he'll have to get a real job.

I do especially like stories that basically tell you that everything you think you know is wrong. Like someone said that there's a story floating around the Web that the top of the Washington Monument is engraved with the Latin words for "Praise God." That one turns out to be true, actually.

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Washington, D.C.: My first job out of college was a crazy stint with an international communications firm in Manhattan. One of our very high profile law firm clients demanded a ridiculous turnaround time on a project, and my boss stayed all weekend to deliver it. Deliver it he did - by currier. Not realizing that in with the papers was a note he had written to our production department saying what a pr-c- the client was and many other choice words. My former boss is now selling tea in Wisconsin. (And is much happier, I have to say.)

John Kelly: This is why all notes should be written in Leonardo da Vinci's special backwards code. This sort of thing can even happen digitally. There was a story in The Post recently about an attorney at a telecom law firm who electronically filed some comments to the FCC. Included with it was some internal discussion about the various FCC commissioners. I should start soliciting these sorts of colossal work screw ups, except they make such uncomfortable reading.

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Germantown, Md.: What was your first day at the Post like? Did they have an initiation process or hazing for you to go through? John Kelly: It was extremely tiring. I was 26 and I had just spent two years as a freelance writer. As a freelancer, my working hours were...flexible. So was my hygiene. Going to work at The Post (going to work anywhere, I guess) was like being thrown into an ice cold pool. I'd come home exhausted. My first job was as deputy editor of the Weekend section and I remember resenting the writers who got to have their names in the paper after I'd cleaned up their prose. (Not the staff writers, mind, more the freelancers like myself.) There was no overt hazing. No one sent me on a snipe hunt or tied my shoelaces together in the Post cafeteria. New people in the softer sections were sort of invisible to the powerful higher ups here, not even worth hazing.

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Washington, D.C.: Are they planning to take the seats out of Metro trains to create more space for passengers?

The yellow line I get in the morning and in the evening is standing room only when I get on. So much that the train must stop three times due to passengers leaning on the train doors.

John Kelly: A decision hasn't been made yet. I assume they're going to try to strike some sort of middle ground.

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washingtonpost.com: Metro Considers Removal Of Seats (Post, Jan.7, 2005) John Kelly: Here's a story...

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East End, D.C.: WETA-FM's change to news-talk. Discuss.

John Kelly: I have never felt the need for more talk on DC radio. I think there's about the right amount now. And when WAMU and WETA have the exact same shows, it seems a bit of a waste. I mean, I like knowing that I can hear "Car Talk" at two different times of day, but talk radio for me is strictly background noise while I'm driving. I never tune into it at home. So the change won't affect me too much. I did like that show "From the Top," because, though I know nothing classical music, I like hearing about talented kids. What do you guys think?

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Silver Spring, Md.: I'm curious to hear what others think of this plan to raise the Dulles Toll Road fare to pay for a Metrorail extension. I consider myself an objective observer. I don't live or work anywhere near there. And I'm a big Metro booster; I believe a bigger, better system will benefit us all (including drivers). But it strikes me as unfair to single out this group of citizens to bear the burden of paying for this project. What do you think?

John Kelly: I think it's a great way to raise the money. I presume the people who travel the Dulles Toll Road, even if they don't use Metro, could benefit from the subway reaching out there. It could lessen the traffic. And I have no problem with paying a little bit for the greater good. One analogy that a reader brought up with me is public schools. Our taxes pay for that, even if we don't have kids. And when childless folks complain about it, and want a tax break, I say, "Okay, so why is it better to be surrounded by dumb people than help fund the schools?"

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Arlington, Va.: RE: Rider Rep on Metro...

Hasn't anyone recognized the obvious that if current Metro Board members actually rode the Metro on a regular basis, we wouldn't need a rider rep??? It's a bit sick, isn't it; we need a person on the Board who rides Metro since no one else does.

John Kelly: There is a certain irony. For a real first-person view they should hold the board meetings ON BOARD Metro.

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Vienna, Va.: I haven't received any obscene or otherwise obnoxious phone calls yet. Do people usually read your column in the morning or at night?

John Kelly: You're gonna have to help me out here. What does my column, and the approximate reading time of same, have to do with obscene phone calls?

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Silver Spring, Md.: Have you received your new blue recycling cart from Montgomery County yet? Ours arrived yesterday, and it's HUGE. I thought it was a large trash can at first, but it turns out it's for recycling paper only.
It's nice, but I doubt most folks have that much mixed paper to recycle every week.

John Kelly: I love those big blue carts. My old neighborhood used them, but when we moved to a different part of Montgomery County we were given a shrimpy bucket, barely bigger than a regular recycling bin. We recycle a lot of paper: The Post (of course), the Sunday NY Times, the Gazette, the Examiner (occasionally; they seem to have trouble delivering it), all those magazines....Plus we print out all e-mails twice. It makes for a lot of paper. I hope we get those big rolling bins soon.

[[I'm joking about the e-mail thing....]]

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John Kelly: Because I know that My Lovely Wife will read this chat later today, I must, for my own safety, expand a bit on the bathroom cleaning thing. There are historic reasons for me cleaning the bathroom. I started when she was pregnant, and I was concerned that the fumes from cleaning products would adversely affect the fetus. (Fat lot of good that did me. My kids are still kinda weird.) Then a couple years after our kids were born she developed a bulging disc in her back that needed surgery. I didn't want her squatting and leaning over a tub. So that's how I ended up doing it. Still, would it kill her to iron a shirt for me every now and then?

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Anonymous: Didn't you once do an answer man column on why the buildings in DC are short? I can't find it in the answer man archives. Any hints such as about when it was published so I could find it? I need to prove someone wrong who claims it is because of National Airport.

John Kelly: Prove away...

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washingtonpost.com: Answer Man: Wary of Heights (Post, Dec. 6, 2004) John Kelly: Here it is.

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Anonymous: Re. Worst Jobs: I'll one up the busboy who complained about cleaning the bathrooms...as a lifeguard at a community pool we had to clean the bathrooms too. Bathrooms at restaurants are bad, bathrooms at community pools are like the one in the bathroom scene in Trainspotting. I still get the willies 15 years later thinking about those bathrooms and the things people do/don't do....

John Kelly: And what's really scary is that those same people who make a charnel house out of the bathroom jump right back into the swimming pool.

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Washington, D.C.: Hi! John,
Somehow I figured you'r be interested in this or have an opinion. Have you seen an ad running on local TV for Herb Gordon's auto dealership that says, "From Baltimore to Washington..."? The only problem is that the picture they show for Baltimore is clearly downtown Boston. The first time I saw it, I thought it must be my eyes, but then I've seen it again and again. Is this wishful thinking on Baltimore's part or is someone just not paying attention out there.
And most importantly, doesn't the client approve those things? So I'm supposed to be motivated to buy a car from someone who can't recognize one of the cities they claim to serve. What do you think?

John Kelly: I'll have to keep an eye out for this ad. I don't recall it. If it truly is Boston, that's pretty bad. They don't show Warsaw for Washington, do they?

I have a column next week on an ad for Geico that a reader called me about. Stay tuned.

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Washington, D.C.: My wife once tried the ploy of not cleaning the bathrooms in order to get me to do it. I am proud to say that her ploy failed miserably. It seems that years of having other single men as roommates made me immune from even noticing that a bathroom is dirty.

John Kelly: My college roommate, Pat, and I had a truly disgusting apartment on Langley Park. Some day I will right a book about it, and about the Tupperware of Rice-a-Roni that became an emblem of those days. I think that in the six years we lived there we cleaned it about six times. And every time after we cleaned it we said, "Hey, this apartment looks pretty good clean. We should have a party to show it off!" And then it would be trashed again. I also had a set of sheets that ended up looking like the Shroud of Turin. (And yet I still insist that my girls clean their rooms.)

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Washington, D.C.: Along the lines of reading the paper... do you tip your delivery person? I felt it was appropriate back in the day when a neighborhood kid went door to door collecting money, but now I only get a Sunday paper and it is just thrown out a car window onto my driveway, lawn, or wherever it happens to land. What happened to the paper on your doorstep? Your thoughts?

John Kelly: We tip our carrier at the holidays, when they give you that subtle envelope with their address on it. We have always had good carriers, who get the paper there early, in any weather. I don't mind slipping them 10 or 20 bucks once a year. Better question: Should you tip your columnist?

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Metro, D.C.: My nephew lost a sweatshirt jacket on the metro on inauguration day. But the website only has broad categories for lost items. I called it a jacket and then described it. The answer came back Immediately (!) that they did not have it. Did they even look in other categories? Did anyone actually read the description? Is there any hope? It had the name of his favorite band on it and he wants it back.

John Kelly: I can't tell you what they did exactly in your case. They do have a listing for "jacket" and for "sweater." And as you say there's a section where you can describe the item. I think they do read the description. Maybe someone saw it and said, "Hey, free sweater!"

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Arlington, Va.: John -- I have always wondered, why isn't the Post available at major airports around the country/ I always see the NY Times, etc., but never the Post. How difficult would it be to send some copies to O'Hare or other major hubs? I would definitely buy a Post, but instead I get stuck with something else. What's the deal?

John Kelly: The Graham family is adamant that The Post is a local paper. Of course because the Federal government is here, our "local" has national implications. But they've never been interested in setting up a major nationwide distribution. I think that some copies are available out of town. I know that when I lived in Cambridge, Mass., after 1:30 p.m. I could get that day's Post at the newsstand right at Harvard Square. And my mom in Cary, N.C., can get the Sunday Post at a Barnes and Noble there. But, you're right, it's not as easy to get as the Times.

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Washington, D.C.: When I was an intern here in Washington a few years ago, I thought I recalled my co-workers gathering and sending all of their 'leftover' foreign currency to an address listed by a Washington Post columnist, who would organize its donation to charity (I thought to the Children's Hospital, but perhaps I'm wrong). I mentioned it to my current boss and office manager, who was interested, but she couldn't get any information when she called the Post.

Do you have any information about such a program, or have I incorrectly remember this?

We appreciate your time and efforts for such a worthy cause.

John Kelly: Yes, a Rockville precious metals firm called Asset Strategies Intl, (the people to see for all your krugerrand needs) converts foreign money into US funds for our campaigns. Just package it securely and mail it to me at 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, DC 20071.

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Friendship Heights, D.C.: Hi John. All this Metro talk got me thinking about a guy I used to see on the train on random occassions when I was in college a few years ago. He was always dressed in a nice shirt and slacks, with tie and carrying a briefcase. Totally "normal," right? Except on his shoulders- where his head should be- was a box the size of a toaster covered in aluminum foil with fake wires or somesuch sticking out. There was a small "viewing" spot so he could see, but the whole thing was really shoddy and looked like a child's version of a homemade televsion set. I don't take the metro much anymore, but I wonder if anyone has seen him or remembers him from years ago. I was intrigued, and promise I was polite and didn't stare(!)

John Kelly: I've seen a lot of weird people on the Metro but I don't remember ever seeing him. Anyone else recall TV man? Today he'd be arrested on suspicion of terrorism.

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John Kelly: Because My Lovely Wife will be reading a transcript of this chat later, I should point out that I don't expect her to iron my shirts. I wrinkle them, so why should she iron them? And ironing them is also therapeutic.

Also, for the record, my children are not weird, or not weirder than normally weird children.

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Arlington, Va.: Forget removing the seats -- Metrorail should remove the walls from its cars. That way people could hang on to the sides, as with a trolley car. It would be a huge hit with the tourists; in San Francisco they line up around the block to do just that.

John Kelly: I've gone on record as supporting the notion that the doors be removed completely. Hey, if you're running for the train and think you can leap on and have enough room to keep from getting squished by the tunnel walls, go for it.

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Alexandria, Va.: Were you getting a prostrate exam when your picture was taken? You look like a deer caught in the headlights!!

John Kelly: Actually, I had just heard that the NHL season had been cancelled.

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Washington, D.C.: Hiya John
How has the cancellation of the NHL season affected you personally? Do you need to be talked down off the ledge?

John Kelly: See above.

(This is an example of how I can manipulate the flow of the chat by picking and choosing which questions to answer when. The truth is the cancellation of the NHL season has not affected me at all. I have heard that hockey is a great game to watch live, but I've never been. And I guess I won't start this year.)

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Washington, D.C.: What is in that pipe that runs over the Calvert Street bridge between Woodley Park and Adams Morgan? And when are they going to take it off of the darn bridge? Seriously, it's ugly.

John Kelly: My assistant, Julie Feldmeier, made a few quick calls and reports that the pipe is part of a Water Main Rehabilitator Project. It's temporary and will be there until Spring 2006. Why don't you send that question, along with your name, to answerman@washpost.com, and I'll get some more info and answer it in print.

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Arlington, Va.: John, one of the ads running with this chat is for a foot fungus treatment, and it features an animation of a diseased toenail being pried up off the toe. It's horribly cringe-worthy and vomit-inducing. Tearing off a rotted toenail might be the sort of thing that goes on in a Rustler's restroom, but I don't want to see it on the Post's site.

John Kelly: Yes, I've seen that ad. It suggests that toenail fungus is caused by little demons. But hey, as long as the advertiser's check clears, it's okay with me.

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North Dakota: I had a summer job in a truck body shop. One day a refrigerated meat truck came in for some work. It still had meat hooks hanging from the ceiling of the trailer and big gobs of fat and beef parts on the floor. They sent me in there with a steam gun the size of a bazooka to clean it out. The combination of steam and grease rendered the inside of the truck about as slick as an ice rink. All the other guys stood at the back end of the truck and watched me wave the spray gun around and fall down.

I finished college, and now I work in an air-conditioned room full of computers. So ha ha.

John Kelly: Yeah, but you live in North Dakota.

(Sorry, that was mean. One of the grossest stories I ever did involved spending a day with a driver for Valley Proteins, a rendering plant that picks up used fry oil from fast food restaurants. It also renders other things. Rendering does not smell good.)

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College Park, MD: Did you know your rectangle-ish glasses are called EMO in young-adult slang?

This means emotional-confessional, as in a style of unplugged garage-punk accoustic.

Thought I'd share, after some twenty-something students told me that my new glasses were "Cool and somewhat emo."

(I was 45 in January.)

John Kelly: I was emo before emo was...well, whatever emo is now.

I'm obviously going to have to for a new look, so hideous is my visage these days.

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Washington, D.C.: I'll be happier with the "paper war" when I no longer have to dodge a "paper gauntlet" to get on Metro. So whose bright idea was it to make sure that no commuter can ever get on the train in the morning without at least two papers shoved in their face?

John Kelly: The smart thing to do is to get one free paper on Monday (the Express, for example) and carry it all week. Whenever anyone shoves a paper at you, hold it up and say, "No thanks. Got one already!"

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Gaithersburg, Md.: John,

There's nothing like live hockey. Don't bother waiting for the NHL to come back to life, there's plenty of good hockey that goes on in the Metro DC area. I would recommend checking out some of the Maryland High School games. Their gearing up for the playoffs right now, and there should be some good hockey going on. Let me know if you need any recommendations.

John Kelly: Thanks for the tip. I've skated a few times (in my emo-ish figure skates) at the Ice House (?) in Laurel. I know they have hockey there. I'll have to check out a game.

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Anonymous: Regarding TV man: He was, until recently, in charge of the FCC.

John Kelly: I guess we'll have someone wearing a satellite dish next.

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Silver Spring, Md.: Hey, Answer Man!
Mystery sighting when driving up Rock Creek Parkway from the Kennedy Center towards Woodley Park. On the right side of the roadway, after the Mass Ave exit and before going under the Mass Ave bridge there are a couple of large, wooden doors that seem to lead into the hillside. What are they?

John Kelly: I'm not sure, but did you happen to see Dick Cheney go in there? Send that question, along with name and bank account number, to answerman@washpost.com.

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Anonymous: Re. Looking for something exciting to do....: Take a drive to Marriot Ranch in Hume, VA---about 15 miles on roads off I-66---and go horseback riding amongst longhorn cattle, then drive a mile down the road to do wine tasting at two vineyards, which may also, uh, anesthetize any sore unmentionable spots on your body. The ranch is on the Web and I've gone many times. Hume/Marshall also has cozy town restaurants for lunch after.

John Kelly: And if you don't know how to ride, it will be really exciting!

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Bethesda, Md: John, couldn't agree w/ you more re: WETA's change to all-talk. There's enough talk (of all sorts) in DC as is!; I'm 29 yrs old and I listened to WETA not just for NPR but also for the classical music!; (I realize I may be a bit of anomaly...) WETA will definitely be getting less in donations from me!;

John Kelly: They probably figure they can lose some percentage, if they're going to gain more.

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Manassas, Va.: Hi John,

It is encouraging to see that the folks in Prince George's County are finally taking a stand against rising crime and incompetent elected officials. By acquitting the police officer accused of police brutality (allegedly occurring against the armed carjacker) the Jury has sent a strong message to the voters and politicians of Prince George's County.

The seige on Prince George's County by the criminal element will no longer be tolerated.

If the citizens can get rid of people like Jack Johnson and Glen Ivey and replace them with elected officials that are policeman friendly and will take a tough stand on crime, it would be a blessing.

I can see the day in which Prince George's County will rise above all this and will once again become one of the premier County in the Washington metropolitan area.

John Kelly: A ringing endorsement for the new order. The jurors interviewed in our story indicated that they had no doubt that the officer acted appropriately. Who can say what we would have done if we'd been in that situation? And the suspect had just carjacked someone. Of course, it was only a few years ago that the PG police had to pay millions in compensation because their police dogs were chewing on innocent people as if they were rawhides.

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Gaithersburg, Md.: I'm not getting the Examiner at home! I wouldn't read it if I did, but I'm not sure if this means that they don't consider my neighborhood "upscale" enough to deserve a free paper. I'm insulted, in an odd way.

John Kelly: It's sort of like that old Groucho Marx line: I don't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member.

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Anonymous: Re. DC building heights: My dad said heights were limited so that nothing would be higher than the Capitol dome. That always made sense to me.

John Kelly: Your dad was wrong. He was right about everything else though.

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Virginia: So take your shirts to the cleaners (or they'll pick up and deliver.) Why are so many men so cheap when it comes to this? Your time (and your wife's)is more valuable than to spend it ironing shirts. Someone who isn't a writer for the Post really needs the money, so spread it around a little.

John Kelly: They don't come back smelling like formaldehyde, do they? And then I'd have to plan on dropping them off and picking them up, another complication to my day. Plus, I do like doing it myself. I get a great feeling of accomplishment. But your argument does have some merit. I wouldn't like it if people started writing their own columns.

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Silver Spring, Md.: Worst Job Duties...

Along the same line as the swimming pool, I worked at a local ice rink while I attended college (UMCP). Along with cleaning the rest room, there was the scraping the drunken fools off the ice, breaking up fights, scraping the occasional pool of blood or puke from the ice, and also treating the victims, who belonged to the lost blood on the ice. On one occasion that included having the small lost part given to me to pass along (packed on ice) to the EMTs! Shall I go on?

John Kelly: Hmmm. Going to see an amateur hockey game is losing its appeal.

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Bethesda, Md.: About cleaning bathrooms, I haven't cleaned one in over ten years. After I graduated from college, as soon as I was making any money, I hired a maid service, and I've used it ever since. I work very hard during the week, why should I spend my evenings and weekends in drudgery? Maid service is not that expensive and it's so worth it. Even when I quit my job and started my own business a few years ago, I figured that as long as I made enough money to pay the mortgage, put gas in the car, and pay the maids, I was doing good. Food - secondary in importance to the maids.

John Kelly: Dry cleaners! Maid service! You must think I'm made of money. What's next? A butler and a conservatory filled with rare orchids?

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Anonymous: Re: toenail ad: Now, whenever I tear a hangnail, I'm going to be reminded of your picture. And the cancellation of the NHL season. And beef fat.

John Kelly: Yeah, and they're using my picture in the remake of "Clockwork Orange" to keep people from doing the ultraviolence.

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Silver Spring, Md.: Work hazing is the best, when I worked in a restaraunt the going gag was to send new employees to the basement for something. Of course there was no basement. Another good one was when the new gilr asked how you get decaffeinated ice tea. I told her to take a cup of regular tea back to the kitchen, give it to Adam and have him run it through the decaffeinator. He almost urinated himself when she asked him how the decaffeinator worked....

John Kelly: That Adam! I hope he managed to make it to the bathroom, which someone like me would then clean.

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Anonymous: Re. Metro or no Metro, in NoVa?: Why is NoVA waiting for Metro to expand? Why doesn't it just set up its own light rail system and have it terminate near or across from a Metro stop, like VRE does?

John Kelly: I don't know the answer to that. Metro is taking a stab at its own light rail in Anacostia.

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Clifton, Va.: The new Wegman's is great. It combines the best of Whole Foods, Giant, Dean and Deluca and Balducci's all in one store with a very helpful staff. The Union Mill Giant will never see me as a customer again.

John Kelly: You're making me hungry and I haven't eaten lunch.

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Washington, D.C.: John, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your picture!; I think you look enthusiastic, earnest, friendly, hardworking . . . and many other positive adjectives.
(Why do people think it's OK to insult Live Online hosts? They wouldn't go up to some stranger in the street and say, "Hey, you look funny!;"---at least I hope not.)

John Kelly: Aren't you nice? But the damage has been done. I'm going to get a new picture. I can't take the abuse anymore. I don't know whether I need a picture that looks MORE like me, or LESS.

Thanks everyone for joining us today. Have an exciting weekend, no matter what you'll be up to. I'll see you in the paper next week. As always, you can reach me at kellyj@washpost.com.

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