John Kelly's Washington Live

John Kelly and unidentified revelers. (For The Washington Post)

John Kelly writes five times a week about the joys and annoyances of living in Washington. He aims to show readers the Washington (and Silver Spring, Alexandria, Manassas, Bowie ...) that they know and take them places they don't know. He wants to make them see familiar things in unfamiliar ways and unfamiliar things in familiar ways. ("We may occasionally end up seeing unfamiliar things in unfamiliar ways," John says, "but such are the risks of the job.") His columns take a cockeyed view of the place the rest of the planet knows as the Capital of the Free World but that we all call home. John rides the Metro for fun and once kidnapped an Irishman to see what made him tick.

Fridays at 1 p.m. ET John is online to chat about his columns and mull over anything that's on your mind.

This week's columns:
Coincidence Makes Small World Go 'Round (Post, March 18)
A Seat on Metro, a Stand for Manners (Post, March 17)
Coming Soon to a Black-and-White TV (Post, March 16)
A Big Crowd at the High End (Post, March 15)
Answer Man: Name That Agency (Post, March 14)

Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.

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John Kelly: Busy. Busy busy busybusybusy. That's what life is like these days. We rush hither and yon, helter and skelter, Heckyl and Jeckyl. Let us stop to taste the roses. Okay, so they don't taste too good, but you get my point. Let this hour we spend together be a time to relax. Yes, I am frantically pounding on my keyboard--answering questions, trying to form opinions, desperately trying to keep you entertained--but don't you think about that. Just breathe deep....

Okay, whaddwe have this week? Oh, that's right: Monday was about how Federal agencies change their names; Tuesday was about the overabundance of "luxury" (at least when it comes to apartment ads); Wednesday was another episode of everybody's favorite sitcom, "Oh Those Pandas!"; Thursday was a grab bag of sorts, with musings on when to move away from another passenger on the Metro; and today was about those little coincidences that make us stop and say, "small world, isn't it?" Or, if we're Walt Disney, say , "It's a small world after all."

All right, who's first?

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Frederick, Md.: John, did you indulge in the green beer yesterday? Speaking only for myself, I don't have time to put the green in the beer. I need the beer right away. But that's just me. Have you seen the Micky Mouses's yet at the Reagan Building? How many are there? They looked pretty cool on tv. Come on, spring!

John Kelly: No green beer for me. I poured myself a brace of Guinness at home and worked on my Latin homework. I haven't seen the Mickey Mice. I didn't even know they were here. I'll post a link to some info.

(That's brave of them allowing the statues, given how Washington has the reputation of being "Disneyland on the Potomac.")

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washingtonpost.com: http://residentassociates.org/otomar/mickey_mouse.aspJohn Kelly: Mickey Mouse droppings...

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Arlington, Va.: Hi, John - If you and the chatters are willing to resurrect for a minute the discussion of how homegrown Washington-area people refer to their city, I'd appreciate it. I need help figuring out if I'm ridiculous because I live in Arlington but refer to the entire city of D.C. as "downtown." Am I the only one who does this??? I was not born here, but I have spent many of my formative years in the D.C. area (mostly in Arlington, with short stints in D.C. proper and in Rockville), attending elementary through high school here, so I feel like I must've picked up this habit from other people and not made it up myself. For example, I may say to a friend, while sitting in an Arlington coffee shop, "do you want to get dinner downtown?" and then I might suggest a restaurant in Cleveland Park or something. I've noticed that seems to confuse people, both fellow Arlingtonians, and more understandably, out-of-towners - they either think I mean downtown Arlington (where would that be, anyway? Ballston? Shirlington? Rosslyn?), or they think I mean Penn Quarter or K Street or something. Am I wrong to refer to the whole of D.C. as Arlington's downtown? Okay, well, am I the only one who does this??

John Kelly: I think you're wrong. I don't know if you're the only one who does it. When I think of "downtown" DC, I think of the business area: the five or six blocks centered around 16th and K streets NW. Any place that has its own neighborhood name or nickname--Mount Pleasant, Hillcrest, Georgetown, Woodley Park, etc.--I don't consider downtown. And some suburban places do have downtowns: Rockville, for instance, and Silver Spring.

On the dc.gov Web site there's an interactive tour of "downtown" DC that reaches from the US Capitol to the Washington Monument, down to the Jefferson Monument, up to MCI Center and as far west at 17th Street. But that's aimed at tourists.

What do others think?

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Gaithersburg, Md.: Re: Coincidences

I met my girlfriend last October in the Metro DC region after moving from Metro Detroit. We came to discover that we had lived about 30 minutes apart our entire lives, both growing up in different cities near Detroit and both attending college (though different institutions) in Kalamazoo (how many people even know Kalamazoo is a real place?). We also learned that we had many family friends in common, had gone to many of the same concerts and sporting events, and had even attended parties and dances together in high school and college - but it took moving all the way to DC to actually meet.

John Kelly: Coincidence? I think not. Now, I wonder if those coincidences are the reason you got together. That is, if you had nothing in common would have become a couple? Or is it more likely that as you realized your paths had crossed in interesting ways, that made you more interesting to one another. If when you'd first met and said "I come from Detroit" and she'd said "I come from Calgary," would you have smiled blandly and then moved on to someone else?

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Arlington, Va.: Where the heck has Weingarten been? His loyal fan base of twenty-something women really misses him.

John Kelly: I've been wondering the same thing. I ran into him on the elevator the other day and said, "Where've you been?" And he said, "Fine." I really have to enunciate more clearly.

Once we'd cleared that up he told me where he'd been and it was very fascinating.

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Silver Spring, Md.: I just had a very pleasant experience at the Maryland MVA. Really. I just sold my car and needed to turn in the tags, and submit a form for refund of the second year's fees, and gathered from the MVA Web site that I had to go to a full-service location, but on closer investigation it appeared I could go to the Glenmont satellite office, much closer to my house than full-service locations in Gaithersburg or Laurel/Beltsville. I walked into the Glenmont office, found no line at the tag return window, and, after perhaps 5 minutes with a pleasant gentleman working there, was on my way home. I can't say all my dealings with the MVA are so easy, but this one was.

John Kelly: Congratulations MVA. I've had good experiences at that Glenmont place myself. There's seldom a very long line for routine things. Of course, I did once get a driver's license there that had my date of birth as the date they issued the license, meaning that for a few months--until I noticed it--I was officially only a few weeks old.

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Alexandria, Va.: I am looking for a homemade candy shop to buy Easter candy. Any ideas? I can't seem to find anywhere online. Thanks for your tips! John Kelly: Anyone? I'm drawing a blank. And when you say Easter candy, you mean candy to put in Easter baskets, right, as opposed to Easter-themed candy, right?

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West Central Florida: Verizion Wireless of West Central Florida:(Posting early, due to life emergenicies)

"Can you hear me now?" "Good!"

(I enjoy your chats)

John Kelly: We read you loud and clear. You missing any Mickey Mouse statues down there?

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Anonymous: Re. Today's Column: John, Do you know how the man on the plane knew that the woman lived in his old house? Addresses are not on passports! Did he remember selling the house to her and she simply didn't remember him?

John Kelly: He was not the person they bought the house from, but two or three owners previous. Isn't there a place at the back of your passport where you fill in your address and the address of next of kin? There used to be, and this was 20 years ago.

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Alexandria, Va.: Comments on this week's wonderful columns:
First: my fiance works at GAO and extends his thanks to you for writing about it. Everyone always thinks that he's an accountant.

Second: I've gotten up a couple of times to move away from people on the Metro. A few weeks ago a woman sat behind me who just reeked of nicotine and BO. She was nicely dressed, too. Before that, some guy got on with a suspicious looking package (this was pre-9/11) and kept muttering angrily to himself. I got off that train and waited for the next one.

With regards to random people connections: My fiance is now friends with a guy with whom he went to high school in Seattle, but they met out here. While at a party by this guy, I ran into a girl who had graduated from high school with my brother, in a teeny, tiny town in the middle of nowhere, MO. I had been friends with her older brother as well. This girl and my fiance's friend had met at church in DC. In college I used to run into people I knew in airports all of the time, and once while on vacation in Trinidad, at a mall food court!

John Kelly: The mall food court: the modern agora.

I'm lucky that I usually ride Metro at less-crowded times of day: between 9 and 10 a.m. and around 7 p.m. So smelly co-commuters haven't been too much of a problem. I'll have to ask Metro about that, though. I wonder if they have a policy on body odor.

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Ballston, Va.: I've had thoughts similar to yours about scooting over from a double-full to a double-empty Metro seat. If I'm in the aisle seat, I will scoot over to an empty if it can be done casually. I won't jump the instant it opens, particularly if it looks like someone else is about to sit there. Simply trading one seatmate for another seems insulting.

If I'm in the window seat, I almost never try to get out, unless my seatmeat is especially annoying for some reason. At that point, I might say "excuse me," get up, read the map at the door, nod meaningfully to myself as though I'd just settled some transit question in my mind, and then take the double empty.

Of course, if my seatmate has slumped all the way onto my shoulder, then I will usually just let him sleep.

John Kelly: I'm getting a lot more feedback on this than I anticipated. Often when I write about such things I worry that I'm the ONLY PERSON WHO THINKS IT. So it's gratifying to see that I struck a chord. Yes I am getting e-mails that say, "I can't believe you waste your time writing about something so trivial," but these opening statements are then followed by three paragraphs of "here's what I do." People have all sorts of ways of dealing with this predicament, proving once again that humans are infinitely adaptable. Still, you let him sleep on your shoulder?

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Northwest, D.C.: Does anyone have any idea how to get the Washington Examiner to stop leaving newspaper on my front steps. I don't read it! I don't want it! They are littering on my property! Isn't this illegal? It certainly is annoying. The sidewalks and street on my block are full of these things, so apparently everyone else feels the same way.

--NW DC Examiner Hater

John Kelly: I haven't canceled my spottilly-delivered "subscription" to the Examiner because I have to keep an eye on the competition, but I get this question a lot from readers. Anyone have any suggestions? I know that some people in our neighborhood association did have eventual success by sending repeated e-mails to customerservice@dcexaminer.com.

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Alexandria, Va.: Pandas are boring. Sure, they're rare, but have you ever seen a good commercial on TV that involved Pandas? No. Why? Because sock puppets are more fun.

The national zoo should sell the Pandas to the highest bidder (10 years ago that would have certainly been Michael Jackson), and use the money to buy more apes. Apes are smart, funny, cute, and generally more entertaining than any other animal in the zoo.

John Kelly: "More entertaining than any other animal at the zoo." Them's fighting words. I can watch the naked mole rats for hours. Now THAT'S an animal. I will agree about the pandas-are-boring thing, though. They are striking to look at and still take my breath away when I see them: so big, so white, so black, so cute. But once the shock of their unusual appearance wears off, they are kinda lame. They don't DO much.

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Annapolis, Md.: Hi--

Do you have a living will?

And, if someday, due to unfortunate circumstances, you are in a hospital bed in a vegetative state with no hope of recovery, do you wish to have your life support continued?

Just wondering....

John Kelly: I do have a living will. My Lovely Wife and I did them a couple years ago, along with our wills. We had neither of them before then. I'd always believed that the minute I completed my will I'd keel over. Then I almost keeled over without having a will so I figured, what the hey? I can't remember what my living will says. I either want the plug pulled or don't want it pulled. I should dig it out and check.

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Silver Spring, Md.: I must agree that it is a small world out there for me, though I have not on the trans-oceanic scale you showed in today's column. My wife grew up in the Kensington area, while I grew up in PG County. Now long after we were married her mother sold the house where my wife had grown up and moved to a smaller place not far away. The couple that bought the place and their family attend the same place of worship we all attend, so my wife has met the young girl who now inhabits her old room. It gets even better. The gentleman recently in passing told me he had seen my name in an alumni publication from the University of MD. Yes we in fact were in the same program, though he graduated a couple years before me.

This is just once story of many. Others include being referred to a doctor and it turns out we went to high school together...Another person I went to college with (same major again)...we now share the same profession, wholly unrelated to our schooling

John Kelly: So where do we get the idea that there are 6 billion people in the world? Can you name them? We constantly run into friends of friends, or old acquaintances. What if there really were only 6,000 instead of 6 billion, and we've just never figured it out? It'd be like a "Twilight Zone" episode.

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Northern Virginia: I quite liked your article about moving to a new seat on the Metro. The larger problem than that though is the fact that TOO many people will not give up the "prime real estate" of the seats for seniors and handicapped folks when someone needs it.
I am on crutches and have a cast thanks to a broken ankle. Thankfully I get on the Metro at Vienna and can get a seat but in the afternoon, I usually have to ask someone if they would allow me to sit down. (what ever happened to Chivalry?) During the past week there have been 2 occassions when I was forced to stand because NO ONE would give me a seat.
There are far too many problems with people who ride the Metro than wondering if they will be offended if you move to an empty seat.

John Kelly: Even when you ask people won't move? That is bad. I confess that if I'm in a seat toward the middle of the car, against a window, engrossed in a book, I seldom look up to see if someone needs my seat. If I'm on the outside or up in the front seats, I'm more likely to volunteer.

Maybe we should do an experiment: Send testers into crowded Metro cars posing as different special needs riders. Are people more likely to give their seat to an elderly person? a pregnant lady? Someone on crutches? An elderly, pregnant lady on crutches?

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Washington, D.C.: John -

What do you think of Chief Ramsey's new law enforcement strategy of targeting hip-hop clubs like Club U and Dream. Instead of putting more cops on the street, or fixing the 911 system, or preventing future crimes by agressively solving past crimes; in short, instead of doing all the things that a functional police department does, but that he has failed to implement in his almost decade on the job, he's trying this innovative strategy. I don't even like nightclubs, haven't beeen in one in years, but I still think the clubs are getting a bad rap at the hands of a chief who thinks that policing is more about public relations than law enforcement.

John Kelly: I haven't done much thinking about it, but I can see your point. Nightclub crime is bad, ANY sort of crime is bad, but closing nightclubs doesn't seem to address the kind of crime that really worries people: the kind of low-grade lawlessness that regularly flares up in places where you aren't prepared for it. Other thoughts?

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Washington, D.C.: The mickey mice are indeed disturbing. I came out of my office one evening, and there they were in the plaza of the Reagan Building, glimmering eerily in the twilight. I just assumed it meant that Disney had taken over the government.

John Kelly: I don't think I'd mind if Mickey took over. It's Goofy I'm worried about.

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Silver Spring, Md.: John, this is Bill. In response to the one viewer's question about addresses on passports, I just fished out the old (obviously expired) passport in question. On the inside left cover is the space for the holder to write his/her address. And there it was - our old Kensington address.

John Kelly: Yes, that's my memory of passports, too, at least the older, bigger ones. And were they green? The new(er) ones are smaller and blue.

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Washington, D.C.: John --

Have you ever considered theme music for your column? Something like this:

Answer Man, please do tell.
Tell the answers that we love so well.
Answer Man, gets it right,
Answer Man is out of sight.

Sung to the tune of "Ice Cream Man" by Jonathan Richman. A little music would really add a touch of class to the procedings.

John Kelly: As a matter of fact, I have. Back when I did a column about a local woman who wrote a song to honor Metro ("Meet Me at the Metro") I thought of having a John Kelly's Washington theme song contest. I wasn't thinking song so much as theme music. Or if it was a song, a big blowzy song like the James Bond movies used to have, with a big orchestration, like "Goldfinger." Or an instrumental like Booker T & the MGs "Green Onions." I thought local composers could enter and the tune could play on my Web page. But I never got around to it. Like so many good ideas of mine it fell by the wayside.

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Arlington, Va.: I do the same thing referring to "downtown" and so do all my friends who like me grew up in the VA suburbs. I think when we were young, 10-15 years ago, there really wasn't much to out in the burbs and "downtown" was a mysterious place where much fun could be had. I think also that there really aren't too many other "downtown" areas around here - just a big messy sprawl. The habit hasn't gone away even though I work "downtown" and am here regularly and know the difference.

John Kelly: I can see that. It does get to that DC/everyone else divide that we've discussed in the past. It no doubt irritates some DC natives that you call all of DC "downtown." I think I would've said, "We're gonna head to DC" rather than "We're gonna head downtown." But I'm a stickler for precision.

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Boyds, Md.: I've lived in the MD suburbs most of my life, with a short stint in Alexandria and an ill-advised 2 year stint in Chicago. I, too, refer to the entire city as "downtown" and I'm a born and raised Washingtonian despite my never having lived in the city. For me, to suggest otherwise is fighting words. I love my city, and I bristle when I read about the state of our public school system and the mercury in Cardozo or the principal with a faked PhD who, for whatever reason, hasn't been fired. I may have spent 25 years in Rockville, but I hate the Orioles and the Ravens. Washington is MY city, it's where I'm from, and the Nationals are MY baseball team.

John Kelly: Okay, okay, calm down. Does Boyds have a downtown? Does it get all excited when it hears you say "downtown" and then is it disappointed when it realizes you mean DC?

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Dale City, Va.: John,

Do you feel that the real estate market is either on the verge of having prices go down or a complete collapse?

I read Kenneth Harney's real estate article in the Post this week. He says that 25% of all purchases are being made for speculation. That prices are being artificially inflated. In my neighborhood, 12% of the properties changed hands last year and almost the same amount the year before. 4% is considered to be the "normal" turn over in a year.

John Kelly: I have no feelings on this, because I am totally unqualified to have a feeling. I'm just an indebted homeowner, with no special expertise. I guess it depends on the neighborhood. I'm a relative newcomer to my neighborhood, there for only 6 months or so. Since we've been there, two other houses have changed hands, but each had non-speculative sellers. That is, they had legitimate reasons to move (wanted bigger house), as did our seller (older widower, moving in with son). I am amazed that prices can keep rising rising rising.

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Alexandria, Va.: I'm a volunteer at the Nat'l Zoo, and I work with the Naked Mole Rats (along with other interesting animals that are way cooler than Pandas). If you're interested, I can get you a behind the scenes tour of the Small Mammal House. Maybe for a column on the less-known animals that locals love?

John Kelly: Oh I've been behind the scenes with the NMRs, thanks to David Kessler, the man behind the mole rats. I did a story for KidsPost. I actually held a naked mole rat briefly in the palm of my hand. Before he handed it to me, David said that occasionally they can use their massive interlocking teeth to bite right your skin, in which case you have to use a pair of pliers to get them off you.

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Anonymous: Another Small World Story: In 2001 I was taking the bar exam in Roanoke Virginia. During a break I started making small talk with a women seated near me. The conversation turned to where we had lived and we discovered that we had both lived in suburban Philadelphia. Turns out, when my family moved to Texas in 1987 her family bought the house. We had a good laugh about the rainbow stickers I had left on my bedroom windows. Her family still lives in the house.

John Kelly: That is so cool. I have one like that. About 15 years ago, after we'd bought our first house and moved into the neighborhood, the neighbors said, "Oh, you work at The Post? A person who used to live in your house used to work there." It turns out she was the Post's comptroller and her name is on my paycheck! I told her in the cafeteria one day that we lived in her old house and she said, "I'm so sorry about the shag carpeting and the 70s style kitchen." Luckily, the carpeting was gone by the time we bought the house. The kitchen was pretty bad, though.

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Arlington, Va.: I was born in Alexandria, and I'm now living in Arlington. I also use 'downtown' to refer to the whole city. And I am confused by what exactly downtown means in reference to a part of DC. Using the Post's online Entertainment Guide, if you are looking for restaurants one of the areas you can pick is Downtown. Hmmm. What are the boundaries?

John Kelly: I wouldn't go by the Post's online entertainment guide. The borders are probably blurred there. Downtown could be defined by what it's NOT, that is, it's not Foggy Bottom, it's not Shaw, it's not Brookland, it's not Anacostia. It's not any of the places that have their own name. I don't know what you'd call where The Post is--15th and L NW--if you didn't call it "downtown."

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Washington, D.C.: Hiya John
Did you get a chance to see the article about a 5-year-old kid getting arrested in Florida? Did I miss a week at school or something? How is this a good thing? Have all the humans in the U.S. been replaced with exact duplicates that are just misfiring a bit? What is going on? Help calibrate me. Here is the link just in case.

http://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/content/gen/ap/FL_Child_Arrested.html

John Kelly: Well it was Florida. That state is something else.

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Olney, Md.: Re: Examiner: I was wondering the same thing (about getting them to NOT send it.) During the freezing rain, I had frozen Examiners on my driveway. This morning, it was in the middle of the street- did not even make to the driveway. The paper always goes right in the recycling bin, the pink bag in the trash- always.

John Kelly: I have an even worse frozen bag story that should provide a little methadone for Weingarten fans in withdrawal: A few weeks ago, after some of our wintry mix had fallen, I noticed that some lazy member of our family had left a plastic newspaper bag of dog poop on our back steps. I went to lift it up and throw it out, but it was frozen to the steps and just ripped, leaving what looked like a frozen pudding sitting on the steps. I was dreading the spring thaw. Luckily My Lovely Wife went out later and cleaned it up. "You owe me one," she said.

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Anonymous: Coincidence: I was in Paris once at went to a restaurant with my boyfriend (I was living in Italy at the time and was not in close touch with my more distant relatives). Needless to say, I was more than shocked when my aunt was shown to the table next to mine! I had no idea she was in Paris and I had only gone for the weekend on a whim. Crazy!

John Kelly: The first Paris story...

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Rockville, Md.: Great columns this week!

My quick comments:

A few years ago, my parents went to Paris, and decided to attend mass on a random Sunday morning. The people they happened to squeeze into a pew next to were...our next door neighbors. Weird.

And, on the metro, I usually stay in the inside seat, unless someone is creepy, weird, smells, talks to him/herself, etc. Ok, maybe not usually. 50% of the time. I'm glad I'm not the only one that considers the options, though!

Downtown: I say "downtown" also. I grew up in Olney...we said "downtown" to mean DC, "into town" was Rockville, and "into the city" was a joke about going to the grocery store or blockbuster in Olney.

John Kelly: ...and the second one. Now, a scientist would say there's nothing unusual about this. You just never pay much attention to all the times you're NOT sitting next to someone you know, which vastly outnumber the times you ARE sitting next to someone you know.

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Anonymous: I think you're unfair to exclude Shaw from downtown. When I lived in Shaw, I would tell people I lived downtown, because nobody knew where Shaw was.

John Kelly: Fair enough, but what would you say when you were IN Shaw and you wanted to go to 16th and K? Would you say you were headed "downtown" or "more downtown"?

Of course, "downtown" does have an actual semi-geographic meaning. Heading south, as numbers decrease on addresses, is going DOWNtown, just as the Uptown theater is UPtown from Connecticut and M streets, for example. So even if you're only going a few blocks down, you can still be going downtown.

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Anonymous: My coincidence comes from a woman I knew from my soccer team. We were talking one evening and I mentioned that I had lived in China. She said her finace had as well. We kept talking and it turned out that his roommate from when he studied in China taught with me several years later. Small, small world.

John Kelly: Okay, this is starting to creep me out. How did that happen? Who arranged it? Tell me there's not some bored alien race sitting on a distant planet trying to freak us out.

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Washington, D.C.: Regarding your article about Metro etiquette, you omitted one scenario that is troubling to me and that is when the only opportunity to sit is with another rider. If you are a man why would you choose to rub elbows and thighs with another man? Am I crazy, I would rather sit by a one legged grandmother rather than do the transit rub with another dude.

John Kelly: Are you talking about an accidental transit rub or a purposeful one? Sometimes you can't help a little thigh rub. No harm, no foul. All things being equal, would I rather sit next to Wayne "Newman!" Knight or Nicole Kidman? Probably Nicole, but then she might think I was a weirdo.

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Aspen Hill, Md.: A week from Monday, I retire to Fortaleza, Brazil (my wife's home city). I'm going to miss DC. I'll miss the "Post," also. I can still keep up with the online version but the paper copy is something I'm used to. Papers down there are smaller, more expensive and-- get this-- all written in a foreign language. I'll be thinking of you all during the lovely Spring and Fall, and the horrible winters and summers. A nice place.

John Kelly: We'll miss you, Aspen Hill, but take some consolation that you'll be able to check in online. And how much you want to bet that one day you'll walk to Fortaleza's downtown (whatever that is) and run into...Gene Weingarten?

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Anonymous: Solution to Unwanted Washington Examiners: Make up one of those (usually political) yard signs that says "Do Not Deliver Washington Examiner Here!!"

John Kelly: Yeah that works so well for the cable bill.

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Rockville, Md.: I hope that METRO does not take out seats. We ride from the Rockville Station to Downtown, and most days we are able to get a seat, but not always. It depends on how long the train between trains. Rockville is the second stop. We've been commuting on METRO for 19 years. Although standing for 40 - 45 minutes is not a deal breaker, I wanted you to know that reading the paper is nearly impossible while standing, holding my bag and lunch, and myself, up. If we are guaranteed no seat, then I can guarantee we will not purchase a paper nor accept a free one. I'll read it on-line only at work, like I do now. If I drove I wouldn't be buying the paper, either, but I don't want to drive to work. Overall I do like the metro. Its a great source of entertainment, quiet time, reading, napping and aggravation. Case in point - 3/16 RED LINE FARRAGUT NORTH STATION 5:05pm - I asked the driver, who had her head out the window, "Is this a Shady Grove or Grove NOR?" and she looked at me like I was some kind of idiot or maybe not speaking her native tongue. The signage on the train is behind the third door and I had come down the station escalator that faces the front of the train. I jumped into the train, barely making it in. While pulling into DuPont Station she whispers "Red Line to Grove ESS nor" - I got off at DuPont and waited for the next Shady Grove. What did I do wrong?

John Kelly: Now that's a new twist: Come out against Metro removing seats, Kelly, or we'll never buy The Post again. Hey, I'd say you've had 19 years of being able to sit down!

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Annapolis, Md.: "It's Goofy I'm worried about."

Too late...

John Kelly: Okay, which Disney character would we LIKE to run the country? There's got to be one who'd do a pretty decent job. The Genie from "Aladdin"?

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Rosslyn, Va.: A few weeks ago you said you'd be doing a story on the pan handlers in DC. Have you done that article yet and I just missed it? If not- seriously check out the guy who sits in a chair you'd see at an office at the back entrance of the Rosslyn Metro (go up the stairs by the kiosk- not the escalator). Today I heard him say- if you give me money i'll go get booze. The pan handlers that sit along Fort Meyer Dr. behind the Rosslyn Metro are just annoying- they are there EVERY day. I find it hard to believe that they're just 'down on their luck.'

John Kelly: I haven't done my panhandling column yet. Is it bad of me to want to wait till the weather warms up? I'm feeling the cold more and more as I get older.

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Washington, D.C.: John,

A few weeks back someone complained about the
pronunciation of Cardozo High School.

"cardoza" is a perfectly acceptable way to say it. The
school is named after Francis L. Cardozo, the African-
American educator and politician from South Carolina in
the 1800's. His name was spelled both Cardoza and
Cardozo, depending on the source. And it was
accuractely pronounced with an 'ah' at the end.

From the school website:
School History
What is the significance of the school's name?
Francis Cardozo, 1836 - 1907, was the first African-
American to hold an administrative office in the state of
South Carolina, first as the Secretary of State (1868 to
1871) and then as Secretary of Treasury after teaching
Latin at Howard University. Mr. Cardozo returned to
Washington, DC in 1891 to fill the position of principal of
the M Street School. He earned the affectionate title of
"Pap" Cardozo to the students of Dunbar Senior High
School. He was educated as a free man in Charleston, S.C.
before he entered the University of Glasgow, Scotland,
where he was an honor student in Greek and Latin. He
studied theology for a year at the University of Edinburgh,
Scotland, and then attended the London Theological
Seminary. Mr. Cardozo returned to Charleston in 1865
with his newly married wife, Ms. Catherine Romena
Howell, to establish schools for educating former slaves
under the auspices of the Temple Congregational
Church's American Missionary Association.

It was a business school...hence the team name "Clerks"

thanks for the space to set the record straight.

John Kelly: Interesting. Thanks. I didn't know it was spelled both ways. I still don't know if I've EVER heard it pronounced -OH.

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Anonymous: To the person who had such a wonderful experience with the MVA: If you have time to send another e-mail including the same compliments, this one directly to the MVA, someone's career could get a well-deserved boost.

Easter Candy: The Amish market at Rts. 29 & 198 in MD. has homemade Easter chocolates. They're open tomorrow, then next Wednesday. I'm not sure about the schedule for the rest of the week - it's abbreviated because of Easter.

John Kelly: That's a good suggestion. We're so eager to fire off the other kinds of letters--complaints--that we don't often praise people who deserve it.

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Anonymous: John -

I'm with you on the "downtown" issue (i.e named places, like Capitol Hill, aren't part of downtown), although I tend to allow the designation to go up to Florida Avenue (which would take in Logan Circle and Dupont). However, my colleague who has lived in Burke for 24 years is on the same wavelength as your chatter: she insists that I live "downtown" even though I'm 2 blocks south of Portal Street NW. I mean, c'mon, how can ANYONE with a four-digit address starting with "79" be considered to live downtown?

John Kelly: I guess it's all in the eye of the beholder, as with much in life.

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Washington, D.C.: Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?????????

I just joined the chat and read your opening remarks. Now I have that horrible Disney tune running through my head! What's the best remedy for getting rid of it? (It's a small world after allllll)

John Kelly: "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family..."

There, is it out of your head now?

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Anonymous: Metro Seats: If I hear one more person whine about the possibility of Metro removing seats I will beat them with said removed seats. Sheesh. If Metro had gone to bench seating like they do in every other bloody transit system in the world, things would be so crowded now. People ride the tube in London, the subway in New York, the T in Boston for as long a commute as people in DC do on Metro and they all seem to survive quite nicely.

There will still be seats availble for those who genuinely need them and the rest, well buck up camper, you can handle it.

John Kelly: Are you pre-emptively confessing to a crime? If so, the Metro Transit Police will be at your door shortly. (I tend to agree with you.)

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Anonymous: RE: Boyds, Md.: If you love the city so much pay some taxes here.

Sheesh.

John Kelly: Hey, Boyd's said he/she is going to support the Nationals. Coming here to buy tickets, hats, hot dogs, etc. is just what the city (or DC/downtown/the District) is hoping for.

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Rockville, Md.: Dear Mr. Gripe Man:

I was in a pharmacy recently to check on a prescription. While the pharmacist was at the computer, a lady (?) came up beside me, put her intended purchase on the counter and started to fish around in her purse, putting keys, etc. on the counter. I turned to her and asked, "What are you doing?" "Oh, just getting my money ready."

While I do appreciate her fore-thought (as opposed to the person in front of you at the check out who waits until the bill is fully totalled-up before even looking for her wallet in her purse) I found this extremely rude; her stuff even blocked the sign-out sheet!

Your thoughts?

John Kelly: That is rude, especially since most pharmacies now have those signs that say, "Because of patient privacy laws please stand here while waiting for the next available cashier." What you should have done is fake a seizure, or, if you're capable, projectile vomiting. That'd teach her to stay back.

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Anonymous: Re. Repo Man Coincidences: Miller explains "coincidence": A lot of people don't realize what's going on. They view life as a bunch of unconnected incidents and things. They don't realize that there's this like, lattice of coincidence that lays on top of everything. I'll give you an example. Show you what I mean. Suppose you're thinking about a plate of shrimp. Suddenly, somebody'll say like, plate, or shrimp, or plate of shrimp. Out of the blue. No explanation. No point looking for one either. It's all part of the cosmic unconsciousness.

John Kelly: Wow, that's weird, because for lunch I had a plate of...turkey sandwich.

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Cleveland Park, Washington, D.C.: John -

You wrote: "I'll have to ask Metro about that, though. I wonder if they have a policy on body odor."

At least on Metrobus, the policy seems to be: Smell? What smell?

John Kelly: Here's my brainstorm: Soon Hecht's will be sold to MAcy's. A lot of those women who work at the HEcht's perfume counters will be out of work. Metro could hire them to spritz riders with eau de colgne, just like they do at the mall. Brilliant, no?

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Anonymous: How about a more romantic take on these coincidences? Love is a mysterious, some would say spiritual, phenomenon. It's one of those things we still know so little about, despite its importance and our vast knowledge in so many other fields. I personally believe coincidences are a sign of something/someone trying to tell us something.
(Whoa, sorry if I'm getting a little heavy here.)

John Kelly: Who can say? You may be right. But it's important not to rely too heavily on such coincidences in the face of reason. I mean, just because you run into someone on a Cypriot-registered tramp steamer who was also at the Marshall Crenshaw concert at the Warner Theatre doesn't mean you're meant for each other.

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Washington, D.C.: I too have had the Metro seat issue to deal with. Generally, I don't move, unless the person is really strange or smelly (or both).

The other big problem I think is raised by the pole leaners. These are the people who insist on leaning on the verticle poles with their entire bodies during rush hour. Being vertically challenged (like yourself), the overhead rails are of no use. So the pole leaners take up some very valuable real estate. Generally speaking, I try and nudge a hand behind their back to make it really uncomfortable until they realize what they're doing. But I think it would be best if they were treated like pregnant candy bar eaters.

John Kelly: Who you calling "vertically challenged"? Just because I use my bullwhip to wrap around the Metro grab bars, like Indiana Jones, doesn't mean I'm short.

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Arlington, Va.: many years ago (perhaps 35?) there was an experiment done in NYC on the subway. Three groups of college students rode the train and asked sitting people to give them their seats: the first group said they didn't feel well, the second group said they had homework to do, and the third group didn't give any explanation.

The results (I don't remember the exact number) were that a majority of people gave up their seats, with no statistical difference among the 3 groups.

John Kelly: I can see I'm going to have to unleash the John Kelly's Washington research staff onto this issue.

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Fairfax, Va.: Whatever happened to the snakehead fish? There were dire warnings they would take over the rivers where they were found.

John Kelly: I think the snakehead fish unexpectedly ran into a friend that it had known in the Yangtze river and decided to go back to China.

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Anonymous: Re. Rude checkout line: What's rude is HAVING to fish through the purse for things. You use the wallet more than anything else, why isn't it on top? And why does it take you more than 2 days to learn which clasp opens the money compartment and which one accesses the credit-card sleeves? And why don't you have the straps at the right length so you don't have to do that ridiculous one-leg stork thing to see what's in it?

John Kelly: Well spoken, however as someone who routinely "loses" stuff in his briefcase, I'm guilty of this myself. The other day I couldn't find my Post ID and had to get a temporary one. I looked in my briefcase twice and then today found it in there. It had been there all along. This happens all the time, whether I'm looking for my Palm Pilot, medicine, notebook, Jimmy Hoffa, whatever.

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Ballston, Va.: I was kidding about the "sleeping-on-my-shoulder" part. Although a secretary in my office told me about once falling asleep on a plane and slumping onto the old woman next to her. When she awoke she was mortified and apologized profusely, but the old woman just waved it off and said, "that's OK, dear; you looked like you needed your rest."

John Kelly: And then she muttered under breath, "And I needed your wallet, mwah-hah-hah-hah!"

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Arlington, Va.: You can call the Examiner at 800-531-1223 to have them stop delivering. I did, since I was wary of giving them my email address, and it stopped immediately, like they promised.

John Kelly: There you go. An article in City Paper last week did imply that they are taking complaints seriously.

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Bloomington, Ind.: Have you ever gotten a perfect game in computer solitaire? I mean, going thru the entire stack in one pass?

John Kelly: Who, me? I can't remember. Does anybody even play computer solitare anymore, I mean since they invented the Web?

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Langley Park, Md.: Hi, John. I live off University Blvd. halfway between 4 Corners and the Langley Park intersection of University and NH Aves. I do most of my shopping at the Langley Park Safeway, Giant, CVS, Toys R Us, and the small ethnic shops. I work odd hours and often shop after dark. Therefore I was completely stunned to read in the Post that no fewer than 6 of the PG Co. "most dangerous" apartment complexes are located within a stone's throw of that intersection. Am I naive? Unobservant? Should I move? Or at least quit shopping there? I'm a 40-something woman who lives alone in a single-family home.

John Kelly: That must have been a shock to you. Those are my old stomping grounds, though I haven't lived there in 20 years. If you are unobservant, you should probably start being hyper-observant. Maybe the crime is more confined to the apartments themselves, rather than your neighborhood or the places you shop. Which is no consolation to the people who live in the apartments.

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Washington, D.C.: Re. Songs: You are evil!!

John Kelly: Glad to help!

"Oh my little pretty one, my pretty one, when you gonna give me some time Sharona!"

Thanks for joining us today. We had lots of great stories, many of which I just couldn't get to. I'm at kellyj@washpost.com if you think there's something I'd be interested in. Have a great weekend and don't forget to save me a seat.

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