Moses Denson accompanied his wife and daughter to Expo to pick out lighting. "They kind of bring me along to look and make the final decision," he says, "but by the time that happens, they've prompted me so much they really made the final decision for me."
He doesn't mind. Denson, a former Washington Redskin, insists he cares about the interior of his Rockville home, "but not nearly as much as [my wife] does."
(Len Spoden - The Washington Post)
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Carole Sarbacher of Rockville dragged her husband, Lorin, to Expo as part of their kitchen remodeling project. He was patient, she says, up to a point. "He's not that interested in looking around," Sarbacher says. "I like to look around. I like to see what's out there, try to get the best price, really research it." Most times, she says, he tells her to go on her own and buy what she wants, that he'll like whatever she likes.
There are husbands who like redecorating, some who even take the initiative. But anecdotal evidence suggests these are the exceptions. Most become involved when the work is underway, possibly in self-defense.
"Let me tell you," says real estate lawyer and contrarian Larry Kirsch, 45, at Expo Design with his fiancee, Mona Rubin, 42, "I have friends who get taken dragging and screaming to these [places] by their wives, and all they're doing is crying about their pocketbook." But not Kirsch, who with Rubin is planning to redo the master bath in a Rockville home that's not even built yet. They have come to Expo Design this evening to look at household appliances. "I'm enjoying it," he asserts. "I'm secure in my manhood."
Could issues of sexual identity be a factor here?
"I'm not gay, by the way," says Tom Olson, a redecorating-minded Bethesda husband, challenging the "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" stereotype that it takes five gay guys to rescue a heterosexual schlub.
In fact, there are signs that both stereotypes -- that only gay men care about decorating and all straight men don't -- are giving way. "I think that men still are more ready to yield on decorating than are women, but that is changing," said couples counselor Caldwell. "As the sexes become more equalized, where women want to be more actively engaged in the world, men want to be more actively engaged in the home."
Listen to Marvell Mitchell, 49, a computer salesman who lives in the District, at Marlo Furniture in Laurel with his spouse: "If we disagree, she'll take a room, and I'll take a room: I do the den, she does the living room. I'm not a real fashion maven. If it were me, I'd keep the same thing all the time until it wears out."
Interviewed with their significant others, men tend to be more open about the whole subject of home improvement. But talk to husbands alone and a certain, well, trepidation creeps into the conversation.
"We've been looking at kitchen cabinets for two years," one weary husband said in what began as an on-the-record interview. "I agree with many of her choices, but I still have to go to Home Depot to look with her. So I bring 'War and Peace' to read."
The next day, the husband asked not to be named. "Probably nothing would happen, but why risk it?" he said.
Another man, to be identified here only as Larry the Dentist, showed up at his Bethany beach house a week after his wife's arrival to find it redecorated. "I said, 'There's stuff all over the windows. I had no idea this was going on. None.' She said, 'Oh yeah, I charged it.' It was $4,000 in window treatments."
When his wife asks about projects beforehand, Larry says he usually replies, " 'Do we have to do it now? Is it necessary?' There are little subtleties she uses. She'll say, 'It's really dark in this room. Don't you think the furniture looks dingy?' I say, 'No, it looks great.' "
