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Starting Lineup

By Dan Steinberg and Desmond Bieler
Washington Post Staff Writers
Monday, March 14, 2005; Page D2

All hail GW, the only area men's team to make it into the NCAA tournament. Even if better basketball was played this year by L7 than the A 10, the school's first league title still is quite a feat. And while the Colonials are doubtless boogying into the Big Dance to the beat of "Finally," there are plenty of other dance classics that have folks shakin' that thang:

"I Got You (I Feel Good)," Santana Moss: Newly acquired Redskin unveils "Got Moss!" hat. For the sake of accuracy, let's hope the Redskins don't sign someone named "Better."

"Turn the Beat Around," Fred Smoot: Credits his signing with the Vikings to Coach Mike Tice's realization that "defense wins." It also didn't hurt that Tice promised to cut him a deal on "primo seats" for the Usher concert.

"Forget Me Nots," Dan Rather: A charming pro with a quirky streak who was willing to defend those obviously questionable records. Sounds like a perfect candidate for the Virginia coaching job.

"Shame," The Terps: Found NCAA tourney hopes undone by an utter inability to solve Clemson. Well, at least this gives them more time to finally get to the bottom of the O.J. mystery.

"You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real)," Charlie Manuel: Philadelphia manager draws comparisons to Mr. Incredible. So the Phillies apparently have their second consecutive cartoonish skipper.

"The Hustle," Jose Canseco: Requests immunity before testifying at congressional hearing on steroids. In fact, Canseco said that he wants immunity so much, he'd be happy to take as many injections as necessary to acquire it.

"Gonna Make You Sweat," Curt Schilling: Promises to answer his congressional subpoena and appear on the Hill. Finally, someone figured out how to lure a genuine major league pitcher to Washington.

"You Spin Me Around," Bud Selig: The commissioner, on the other hand, pleads for "a sense of fairness" from Congress while admitting he might "sound a bit elevated." What a wonderful euphemism for "high."

"Take Your Time (Do it Right)," Sidney Ponson: Arrives late to O's camp after having trouble securing a visa. Apparently, his longtime membership with Diners Club wasn't much help.

"That's the Way I Like It," Britney Spears: Attributes her past weight gain to "just lounging around and eating and laying out." Although Ivan Rodriguez insists the more important question is how she happened to lose all that weight.

"I Will Survive," Wayne Gretzky: Hockey legend-turned-owner expresses willingness to use replacement players. The tough part will be replacing current TV viewers with NHL fans.

"Good Times," Bode Miller: Skier clinches first World Cup overall title after several near-misses, then likens triumph to that of the Red Sox. Mostly because he was dismayed to find Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore smooching at the bottom of the slope.

Benched: American worker productivity, Joe Lunardi, hokieshoyasterpscavs, the ACC in D.C., pajama bottoms, Tonya vs. the Transvestite.

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