Starting Lineup

112,668 people can't be wrong, right? The record crowd at the Preakness threw tens of thousands of Black-Eyed Susans down their gullets, proving that there's still plenty of public support for strong Rummy. But if you're not into the Triple Crown, or even the Triple Sec, we've convened a celebrity panel to offer other mixed drink recommendations.

Tumbleweed, Thurman Thomas: Former Bills star charged with marijuana possession. Poor guy -- done in by another bowl.

Baltimore (B)racer, Smarty Jones: Enjoys runaway win at Preakness, but great day for the sport marred when Jim Gray repeatedly asks the horse if Pete Rose bet on baseball.

American Dream, Manny Ramirez: Bosox slugger misses a game to receive U.S. citizenship. Meantime, teammate Johnny Damon is still filling out his application for citizensip in 17th century Mongolia.

Once-Upon-A-Time, Pittsfield, Mass., officials: Release document containing earliest known written reference to baseball. The document describes a promising young player "who goeth by the name of Julio Franco."

Brain Eraser, Jasmine Trias: "American Idol" cutie-pie forgets words to her song, but nevertheless advances to final three. She's expected to do even better in next week's episode, featuring guest judge Maurice Cheeks.

Nerds, BCS Officials: Simplify ranking formula, eliminating such factors as strength of schedule, quality wins and Penn State.

Deep Dark Secret, Jerry Springer: Picked to be an at-large delegate to the Democratic convention, which should provide the perfect opportunity to announce John Kerry's running mate -- a transgender midget Klansman.

Mountain Surprise, Bill Owens: Colorado governor signs law guaranteeing $2,400 to his state's resident college students. But try to play basketball for a university in Missouri, and all you get is a lousy 250 bucks.

Slugger's Delight, Nick Lachey: Takes batting practice as part of piece for "This Week in Baseball," calling to mind one of Mel Allen's lesser-known catchphrases: "How about th . . . ah, who gives a ----?"

Celebration, Mike Moran: Former U.S. Olympic official cautions athletes to tone down victory displays, including "gestures, pumping fists, high-fives." They'll also be asked to observe Greece's cultural prohibition against raising the roof.

Benched: Unlimited beer, Orangemen, Orangewomen, Jorge's nose, Ehrlich's mouth, the Lakers' demise.