Chatological Humor

What's in a name?

Gene Weingarten (Richard Thompson - The Washington Post)

*Formerly known as "Funny? You Should Ask."

Gene Weingarten's controversial humor column, Below the Beltway, appears every Sunday in the Washington Post Magazine. He aspires to someday become a National Treasure, but is currently more of a National Gag Novelty Item, like rubber dog poo. He is also reputed to be close to persons thought to be familiar with individuals claiming to be authoritative spokesmen for the mysterious and reclusive Czar of The Style Invitational.

He is online, at any rate, each Tuesday, to take your questions and abuse.

He'll chat about anything.

Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.

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Gene Weingarten: Good afternoon.

As a wrathful God, Isabel was certainly fickle, spreading severe irritation and discombobulation throughout some of the Washington area and leaving the rest of it relatively unmussed. At the risk of angering those who have been sweltering powerless or waterless, I want to report the events on my block in Capitol Hill. As most of the other neighbors were battening down outdoor furniture, taking Weber grills into their homes, etc., my young next door neighbors, who probably hadn't heard that a hurricane was coming, did nothing. They even left their garbage cans in front of their house. Not only were these garbage cans still standing the following morning, so was the rest of their garbage, consisting of ... a pile of cardboard.

Sunday's column on the dreadful popularity of the girl baby name "Madison" has received more mail than anything I've written in years. More than a hundred e-mails so far, all but six of them complimentary, some even congratulatory. Five of the six letters of complaint were from the parents of Madisons, and the sixth was from a Madison herself. These letters were most unkind.

In the spirit of conciliation and apology, I want to concede that I made one grievous misstatement of fact. I wrote that before 1984, no one famous ever had the first name of Madison. I was wrong, as one reader pointed out. So I apologize to all the Madison Parents out there.

Madison Grant was famous and he was, indeed, a Madison. He was the early 20th Century master-race eugenicist whose works were an inspiration to Adolf Hitler.

I also missed another fact: Though I did point out that "Monica" had dropped precipitously in popularity since 1997, I failed to notice an even greater and more significant drop, perhaps the most dramatic plummet in popularity of any name since Adolf. Sliding from number 136 in 1992 to number 878 in 2001 was.... Hillary.

Anyway, this horrifying trendy trend continues unabated. Monday's newspapers reported that a Seattle Seahawks player nearly missed Sunday's game because of the birth of his daughter. Her name: "Heaven."

Three excellent comics this week: Sunday's Fox Trot, Saturday's Speed Bump, and the comic pick of the week, today's Non Sequitur. I chose this not because it is hilarious but because it is amazingly courageous.
Comments, rants, etc?

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Historyofa, NM: I LOVED your Madison column! I have never been able to explain why I dislike "popular" baby names so much -- but you hit on it EXACTLY! Cutesy names and alternative spellings don't MEAN anything!

I didn't always know this. When I was 12, I longed to be a Tiffany or Kelly. Something, anything with a Y at the end! This was the early 90s, when everybody wanted sticky permed hair and a pert little nose like Kelly on "90210" or Tiffany Amber-Thiessen of "Saved by the Bell" fame. Instead, I was the ONLY person in my entire generation named Ruth, with a huge nose and straight hair that my mother refused to perm.

Now in my 20s, I still don't like the nose, but I'm a complete snob about how great my name is... because it MEANS something. I'm named after my grandmother: a strong-willed woman, who fell madly in love with a sailor and lost him in WWII, who raised my mom by herself and cared for her elderly parents, who loved to travel and dance and flirt and laugh. She also belonged to a weird religion/cult and could have been the mother in "Mommy Dearest," but whatever... she was still an extremely interesting character and it's cool to have her name.

I'm actually living up to the honor pretty well so far -- backpacking alone through Italy, flirting outrageously and often, wasting my youth and brain cells at dance clubs every Saturday, and pining after a sailor of my own (Haven't gotten around to emotionally crippling my children or joining a cult yet, though some would say my treehugging is a little extreme).

Now when people say, "Ruth? That's my grandmother's name," I don't apologize, "I know, it's old-fashioned." Instead, I say, "Yeah, mine too! Grandma Ruth was always yelling my mom's name at her -- "PAMELA! You're in big trouble this time!" So my mom gave me HER name so she could yell it -- "RUTH! What were you thinking?!?"

See, isn't that a much better story than "Well, it's Tracy but with two E's on the end?"

If I have daughters, I already have good names waiting: Dicey, after an ancestor who was a spy in the Revolutionary War, and Joan, after my great-aunt who tells funny stories about old family scandals and gives fabulous Christmas presents. I would name a son after my dad, except that his name is also shared by a certain cartoon duck, so hopefully my future husband has some better ideas.

washingtonpost.com: Below the Beltway, (Post Magazine, Sept. 21)

Gene Weingarten: I just liked this post. It covers a lot of ground. Plus, my mom was Ruth. Sue me.

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washingtonpost.com: Speedbump, (Sept. 20)
Fox Trot, (Sept. 21)
Non Sequitur, (Sept. 23)
Below the Beltway, (Post Magazine, Sept. 21)

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Bog City, Md.: Pray tell, what did the Weingartens name their spawn?

Gene Weingarten: We have a girl and a boy, Clytemnestra and Thor.

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Gene Weingarten: Okay, okay. Molly and Daniel.

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Denver, Colo.: I got a chuckle -- well, no, more like a great big laugh -- out of Sunday's Below the Beltway, particularly after reading about the "Elantra phenomenon." I often tell friends about an episode of Seinfeld I was watching some years ago, in which he complains about all the new cars coming out with names that didn't mean anything. When the show broke for opening credits and commercials, it was announced that this particular episode was being sponsored by Toyota's new car, the Avalon.

Gene Weingarten: Excellent. Actually, probably the stupidest car name is the "Camry." What the hell is that all about?

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Alexandria, Va.: Damn trees. You were right, lo those many years ago. They are evil.

Gene Weingarten: This is a reference to the very first story I wrote after I stopped being an editor and started being a writer. Everyone at the Post was wondering what kind of a writer I would be, and then I wrote this story, and they knew: A HORRIFYINGLY TASTELESS WRITER. Subscriptions were cancelled. Lizzie, can you find this story? About 1998, about killer trees.

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Worst Kid's Name Dept.: I was on the bike trail a few weeks ago, and saw a kid booking along on his bike, with his dad in hot pursuit trying to reel him in to bike with the rest of the family. And I quote: "DeNiro, wait... I mean it, DeNiro, slow down... DENIRO!"

I half expected the kid to wheel around and reply "You talkin' to me?"

Gene Weingarten: I love this.

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Takoma Park, Md.: Gene,
There is a room on the second floor of my house that is perfect for reading. For one thing, I keep a good supply of classic literature there; for another, the plumbing fixtures are first rate.

Yesterday I was enjoying Dave Barry's "Complete Guide to Guys," a classic by any definition, when I came across the following, in a discussion of how guys are not always eager to share their feelings with other guys:
"I have a good friend, Gene, and one time, when he was going through a major medical development in his life, we spent a weekend together. During this time Gene and I talked a lot and enjoyed each other's company immensely, but -- this is true -- the most intimate personal statement he made to me is that he has reached Level 24 of a video game called 'Arkanoid.' He had even seen the Evil Presence, although he refused to tell me what it looks like. We're very close, but there is a limit."
Are you Gene?

Gene Weingarten: Yep, this was me. I had just learned I had hepatitis C and would probably die within five to ten years. Everything Dave says here was completely true.

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Bali, HI: In case you didn't know, New York Magazine is ripping off the Style Invitational.

They held a contest in which contestants were to take a well-known expression in a foreign language, change a single letter, and provide a definition for the new expression.

These winning entries are pretty good though.

HARLEZ-VOUS FRANCAIS?
Can you drive a French motorcycle?

COGITO EGGO SUM
I think; therefore I waffle.

RESPONDEZ S'IL VOUS PLAID
Honk if you're Scottish.

Gene Weingarten: Um, um. This is about ten years old. The New York Mag contest is now dead. And they didn't rip us off, we ripped them off. Just for the record.

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Claustrophob, IA: Gene -- I liked the Below the Beltway column, but I think that you missed an important dimension when you commented on the Daryl Hannah character picking the name "Madison" from a NYC street sign. I mean, come on -- Madison Ave. is THE world marketing and advertising center. Doesn't the rise of the popularity of Madison as a name then suggest that this is the ultimate triumph of marketing, and thus it becomes something of a meta-name?

Gene Weingarten: This is exactly correct. I missed the opportunity to lard on additional scorn, and I didn't realize it until after deadline.

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New York, N.Y.: So, what does the Evil Presence look like?

Gene Weingarten: No way I am telling you. You haven't walked the walk.

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Washington, D.C.: So the number of parents naming their daughter Monica keeps going down?

Are your editors on vacation, or are you just getting more crafty?

Gene Weingarten: We discussed this line. It was permitted. Tom The Butcher is getting soft.

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Washington, D.C.; Detroit, Mich.; London, U.K.: Gene-ius -

Last week went by with nary a grammar question, so I pose this to you now to break that streak.

You and Pat have both argued that language is not static, and that it must change with use, over time, to stay new and useful.

You've also responded to my question before about the widespread misuse of the term "begs the question" which is more and more frequently heard and read, and consistently incorrectly.

So that, um, begs the question: at what point will we all have to take a deep breath, sigh, and acknowledge that "begs the question" now means "requires the following question be asked?"

Gene Weingarten: Yes, it is only a matter of time.

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washingtonpost.com: Silent Killers: The True Story of Deadly Trees, (Post, Jan. 7, 1998)

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washingtonpost.com: Gene, would you please call me "Fanny" here from now on. -- The Producer Formerly Known As Liz

Gene Weingarten: Noted. It reminds me of a great email I got. One reader reports that when she was in high school in New Jersey in the late 1950s, there was a girl with the awful name "Precious." But no one knew just how awful the name was until graduation, when all names -- first, middle, last -- were read out loud. Her name, intoned for all to hear, was "Precious Fanny Miller."

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Massachusetts: I handle baby announcements at my local newspaper and the newsroom is entertained by the wide variety of crazy spellings the baby names get. The most popular girl's name I see is Kaylee (or variations - Kayleigh, Caylee, etc.) The best I ever got was a baby named Messiah. That was about two weeks ago and I'm still in shock.

Gene Weingarten: Good Lord! (As it were.)

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The Humorless Prune...: Morning, Gene, and thanks for the lefthanded apology, but I must confess I still don't get it. Was the matter of why Badgers is funny ever resolved? If Badgers is funny, why isn't a Benedictine chant funny? Makes about as much sense. Also, I have a cat named Madison, named after the county from which it was rescued. Is this an acceptable name for a pet?

Gene Weingarten: Yes, all pet names are justifiable. And I repeat, you will never understand why Badgers is funny, nor will you understand why the link below is possibly even funnier.

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Great Falls, VA: Not quite Badgers but hypnotically hilarious!
Scampi

washingtonpost.com: Note: This is from the same folks that brought us Badgers.

Gene Weingarten: This one.

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Cartoon Duck: Ruth's father's name is Daffy??

Gene Weingarten: Apparently.

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Na, ME: Isn't it almost as shocking to learn that Isabella was the 14th most popular name for baby girls? ISABELLA?

Gene Weingarten: Joel Achenbach's middle daughter's name is Isabella.

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Washington, D.C.: Hi Gene,
I partly disagree with your article on names. My name is different and I love it. While in the hospital, my Aunt wrote a list of about eight names for my mother to choose from. She chose Gelinda Arniece, which I like very much. I don't run into others with the name and have only seen Gelinda once, as a middle name, on an employment application. Also, I often get complimented on it because it's different, unique, and sounds pretty. I could have been Maria, Marcia, or Zenobia. Now, some of the names that you listed, such as Alexzander, I agree are going a bit overboard. I work in recruiting and find myself guessing as to whether Michael is a male or female (i.e., the actress Michel Michelle). I saw the name Sydney spelled Sydnie the other day. So, to some degree, I agree with you, but all in all, it's a personal choice. We all want our children to stand out and be different, and a name is one way to start them off.

Gene Weingarten: I am delighted you are happy with your name, Gelinda Arniece.

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Kensington, Md.: Kensington, Md.: A couple of weeks back, Richard Morin's Outlook column reported on a study which showed that job applicants with names such as Tawandina and Lukeesha were less likely to get called for interviews than people with more standard, "white" names. Don't you think that this may as likely have been anti silly name backlash as latent racism?

(they didn't include silly "white" names like Tiffani and Buffy)

washingtonpost.com: Unconventional Wisdom: Hire That Name, (Post, Aug. 3)

Gene Weingarten: Hm. This is interesting. Sounds like racism to me, but I think we couldn't really know unless it included Traci and Tiffani, too.

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Orange, Va.: Any idea what our President is talking about in the following exchange with Brit Hume:

HUME: How do you get your news?

BUSH: I get briefed by Andy Card and Condi in the morning. They come in and tell me. In all due respect, you've got a beautiful face and everything.

This is from the actual transcript.

Gene Weingarten: You have to be kidding. Are you kidding? Is this right? And he's talking to ... Brit Hume?

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Washington D.C., via London: Did you know Fanny is a very very dirty word in the U.K.? My favorite Brit looked at me in shock when I showed her my fanny pack.

Gene Weingarten: I did know that. And fag is not an insult.

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Devil's Advocate: What if Madison is the child's mother's maiden name? Or the grandmother's maiden name? Yes, yes, we know that you don't believe that a woman should change her name when she gets married anyway. But answer the question as given. Madison is then a meaningful name, is it not? And if it's meaningful, then how is it not okay?

Gene Weingarten: Sure, that's fine. But that is not why Madison is the second most popular girl's name.

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Stupid Car Names: No, the worst car name is the Aspire.

Gene Weingarten: Prelude is pretty idiotic, too.

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Duh: Yeah, that is what I want most to stand out and on my tombstone. My name is unique. Duh. Why not try to make your children stand out by teaching them to be intelligent, contributing adults.

The man I most admire was named Albert. Boring, dull name. Albert. What a great mind though.

In the end, your unique name means diddly squat

Gene Weingarten: Agreed. In fact, if you have a really fancy name and are a total loser, it calls attention to your deficit even more.

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Ruth: I think of that as an older woman's name. That is certainly influenced by trends in past decades. Can you imagine a young girl today being named Beatrice, Matilda, Martha, Edith or Ethel?

I'm sure in 60 or 70 years, the recent trendy names like Kaylee/Kayla, Peyton, Ashley and Brittany will be considered old women's names.

Also, do you think boys' names are less affected by trendiness? Not too many boys these days are named Melvin or Irving or Ernest, but more boys' names seem to have a timeless quality.

Gene Weingarten: Yes, i didn't really have time to get into this, but boy's names are in general a lot less trendy. I think there is some misogyny at work there, actually. People get "cute" with girls names. Because, you know, girls are friv.

When my wife and I named our daughter, Molly was almost unheard of. It belonged mostly to dogs and horses. We felt it was almost a risk, but we loved the name for its tough roots. (Molly Malone, Molly Pitcher, several other tough guttersnipes.) Within three years it was the number three girls name in the country. We felt awful.

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Idaho: Try living with the Mormons - they come up with the most bizarre names. It must have something to do with the sheer volume of children they have. Here's a link that can mormonize your name:

Mormon Name Generator

washingtonpost.com: Excellent. It says Gene's Mormon name is "Glendel Benteen."

Gene Weingarten: I'm trusting Liz here that I will not be fired for religious bigotry or something.

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Somewhere USA: Um, Traci isn't a silly name -- Tracee, maybe, but Traci is perfectly fine.

Thanks.
Traci

Gene Weingarten: You're right. Tracee is LUDICROUS. Your name is handsome, with all those historical roots, all of which elude me at the moment except for Traci Lords.

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Washington, D.C.: The worst, and most telling, car name is the Escalade.

washingtonpost.com: Canyonero!

Gene Weingarten: I STILL go with the Camry.

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One on the way: Gene,

My wife and I are expecting our first child in a little less than two months. We have yet to nail down a name. Having read your recent column, we would hate to make any drastic mistakes. How about some help? I'll narrow it down. We're having a boy.

Gene Weingarten: Ebenezer.

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Palookaville: Where I grew up (Kentucky), a "Camry" was what you pointed at people to take their pitchers!;

Gene Weingarten: Noted.

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washingtonpost.com: I'm sure Joel is thrilled you're sharing his children's names in your discussion. -- Fanny.

Gene Weingarten: His other two daughters are Paris and Shane.

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Horrid Job Corner, Va.: Man, you guys have sweet jobs. How exactly do you become a washingtonpost.com moderator? I've tried shampooing with motor oil, but...

washingtonpost.com: Dumb luck.

Gene Weingarten: You have to be willing to work naked.

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Try, ME: Hi Gene,

Along the lines of last week's strange but true things to do, try this one: Lift your right foot, point it, and start tracing circles in the air clockwise, then with your right hand, draw a square in the air counterclockwise. Watch what happens to your foot.

Oh -- I really hope this one finally gets me posted to your chat!

washingtonpost.com: AUGH!

Gene Weingarten: I can't do this because of a knee injury, but again, I trust Liz.

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Lady in waiting, Md.: Help a pregnant woman out! Today is my estimated due date and it doesn't appear that I will be unpregnant anytime soon. Suggestions on how I should pass the time and/or convince my doctor that it is wrong to have a day old child trapped inside my body?

Gene Weingarten: Well, what are you going to name your child?

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Washington, D.C.: Though it risks treading into dangerous sociopolitical waters... from what I've heard and seen, most of the "weird" names started out with two movements. On the one hand, there were hippies, who started changing the spellings of names to make them unique (like the classic SanDeE- ("big S, small a, small n, big D, small e, big E... with a star!") from LA Story). On the other, there were educated African Americans who gave their children names that actually had meaning, but just not to people with a Eurocentric background. Then less-educated folks (of all races) started combining the "strange" sounds of the Afrocentric names with the novel spellings of the hippie names, and a few decades later we have the mess we're in now.

Gene Weingarten: Hm. This is interesting sociology. I have no idea if you are right, butit is interesting. You could probably get a grant to research it.

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Washington, D.C.: I have been a huge fan of yours since I moved to the area. When friends would move to the area, the first thing I would tell them was to read your column. Sadly, I no long will be a fan. I found your column Sunday hurtful and mean spirited. I didn't see anything funny about it. (I have a very common name.) I expect better from you.

Gene Weingarten: Why would it offend you if you have a common name? Or do you have a common trendy name?

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Oakton, Va.: Now I'm starting to have second thoughts about naming the twins Uday and Qusay.

Gene Weingarten: Good point.

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Boys Names: The real problem with boys names is that they are being stolen for girls. It gets to a point where you cant even use a good name for a boy any more. When was the last time you heard of a little boy named Leslie.

washingtonpost.com: Goes the other way, too. I won't mention a thing about a certain male Live Online producer with a girlie name.

Gene Weingarten: No, Liz, I disagree. The thievery is in one direction only. Evelyn, Lesley, Robin, Toby, Shirley .... the list is endless. No name has ever gone the other way, to my knowledge. And Meredith WAS a man's name before it was a woman's name.

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Fourth Floor: Oooo, Tracee the assistant sports editor is gonna be mad at you.

Gene Weingarten: I will engage Ms. Hamilton in debate anytime. She is smart and blunt and feisty and will not defend her name. It's not her fault.

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Laurel, Md.: Gene,

I wonder if someone could pass "Badger" among a bunch of Web developers to see if they think it's funny. It looks to me like somebody's semester project for a Java programming class.

If it's humor is dependent on the belief that no one would bother making such a thing, it's a lot less funny if there's an arena in which it's a pretty standard kind of thing to produce.

washingtonpost.com: Whatever nerdo.

Gene Weingarten: LIZ!!! You are being judgmental!!

Whatever, nerdo.

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Gales Ferry, Conn.: Re: Brit-isms. The Euro-phenomenon Robbie Williams has a song that goes "My breath smells of 1,000 fags." Maybe that's why he doesn't get airtime in the US...

Gene Weingarten: There was a rather successful Brit band about 20 years ago named "The Sniveling S--ts." Without the hyphens. They didn't get much air time here, either.

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First Time, Long Time: Most unprophetic name of all time? God Shamgod, one of the many back-up point guards the Wizards had. He's long out of the league by now.

Gene Weingarten: Yes, but the "sham" helped.

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An American in Paris: I didn't steal "a boy's name Leslie" - I stole my daughter's name from Leslie Caron. So there smarty pants!;

Gene Weingarten: Right. SHE stole the boy's name. You are, basically, her fence.

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Trendy Male Names: There are lots of trendy boy names:
Tyler, Cameron, Hunter, Cooper, Logan, Connor, Dakota, Garrett, Spencer. I hear these all the time. Ugh.

Gene Weingarten: Yep, true. But waaaaay fewer than girls' names.

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Washington, D.C.: The reason men's names get "stolen" but not the other way?
Because for a girl to be "masculine" is endearing and tomboyish. For a guy to be "feminine" is demeaning and weak.
Just goes to show you which gender is still most valued by our culture...

Gene Weingarten: I think that is right. I wouldn't expect many male Tiffanys anytime soon.

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Traci, ME: Yes - Another Traci. I have to admit that I have been told more than once that my name is spelled the same as Traci Lords. Unfortunately, I think that is what most people think of when they see the name. No wonder why most people don't call me back for interviews and those that do assume that I must have lied on my resume. Yes I have been accused of this because of my age (twenties) and my hair color (blond). It's pretty sad that people are pre-judged on their names.

Gene Weingarten: I agree. But the real question is, what do YOU think of your name?

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Southern Maryland: My son just started first grade. In a class of 22, there are a girl named Stormy, another named Stormee, and a boy named Tank. I've yet to find out if Tank is the real birth cert. name, a nickname, a short form of Tanqueray, or something else. I don't think I want to know.

Gene Weingarten: Nor I. But thanks for sharing.

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New York, N.Y.: Someone walked into my office just as I was trying the foot/hand thingy. Thanks.

Gene Weingarten: You're welcome!

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Forgive, ME: With all due respect to a fellow chatter and after a couple of weeks of rumination, I have to say I'm coming out against the chat's new name. "Chatalogical humor," while clever, is one-dimensional compared to the brilliant "Funny? You Should Ask." That original name, making a common phrase something else entirely with elegantly applied punctuation, makes us question what humor is, whether we have it and whether circumstance changes it. In short, what this chat is about. You had it right the first time, sir.

Gene Weingarten: Well, Funny had a two-year run. Enough.

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Car Names vs. Numbers: You raised a good point in BTB this weekend regarding silly car names.

I submit that no car should have a name. Numbers only.

An Escalade or an Elantra is not nearly as cool as a 911 or a G35.

Everyone with me here?

Gene Weingarten: I disagree. But I think that the names should be meaningful. I would definitely buy a car named "The Rat."

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Name Question: What is your opinion of the name Savannah?

Gene Weingarten: Hm. Well, it's made up, I think, but it is not remotely as distressing to me as "Madison" because it sounds way less snooty. Madison bespeaks pretention.

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To the ex-D.C. fan: Gene writes every column to intentionally hurt people. He's been wondering for sometime now how to hurt you. He did it! Finally!

Seriously, if you can't read an opinion without getting offended (probably because the point being made is dead on accurate), then go get your own column, and get him back!

Gene Weingarten: Okay, then!

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Happy to be your muse: Let the record accurately reflect, we took in the Weber grill.

Gene Weingarten: Is this my next door neighbor? Say something to prove it.

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Nerd!;:
"Nerdo" wrote:
I wonder if someone could pass "Badger" among a bunch of Web developers to see if they think it's funny. It looks to me like somebody's semester project for a Java programming class.

Clearly, "Nerdo" is not living up to his/her nickname. Badgers is written in Macromedia Flash, not Java.

Duh.

Gene Weingarten: Hahahahahahahaha.

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Brooklyn, N.Y.: Lately, I have been hearing more and more people saying "myself" instead of "ME" as in, "Come see Robin, Anthony, and MYSELF at Carolines Comdy Club" which I heard on the raido this morining. What gives? Since when don't we say ME?

I have a degree in English, but still can't remember the rule as to why this is ridiculous -- PAT?

Gene Weingarten: Well, it's just ... wrong. It's idiot non-English.

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Names in Microcosm: On the contact list for my son's inline hockey team, the kids' names are: Jack, Zack, Evan, Jason, Carter, Christopher, Collin, Colin, Spencer, Brent, Mason and Jordan. On the other side of the list are their parents' names: Brian, Tammy, David, Darlene, Keith, Sharon, Craig, Leslie, Dan, Laura, Rita, Pete, Kathy, Randy, Barb, Bob, Sandy and Steve.

Gene Weingarten: Excellent evidence. Thank you.

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Right beside Liz: Gene,

Thanks for defending me.
Why is Liz so mean?

-Meredith

Gene Weingarten: She gets mean because of chair chafe.

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Blacko,UT: Aptonym, from A1 of today's Post, in the story about the ongoing power shortages:

Phil Sparks, manager of state and local affairs for Dominion, acknowledged the oversight.

Gene Weingarten: Noted.

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New York, N.Y.: Who was Molly Pitcher and why does she get a rest stop on the New Jersey Turnpike?

Gene Weingarten: Molly Pitcher was some revolutionary war dudess who fired guns and stuff. There was also Molly of Desmond and Molly, Molly Bloom, who had the most famous orgasm of literature, and that other famous guttersnipe, whatsername. We chose the name with care.

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Washington, D.C.: If you really work naked we should have put the cardboard on the windows.

That enough proof?

Gene Weingarten: No.

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Gambrills, Md.: Re: No name has gone the other way?

How do you explain Nelly? (Oh, yeah, and a boy named Sue?)

Gene Weingarten: You know a boy named Nelly?

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New York, N.Y.: Is there time to get this posted?

Gene Weingarten: No.

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Me, Myself, or I: I think many people believe that "myself" sounds somehow classier. It's as simple as that.

Gene Weingarten: Yes, it's like people whom also use whom, because it sounds classier.

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Naming Trends: I have a good friend who is a pediatrician in New Orleans. According to her, in addition to the Miracle, Heaven, Destiny trend, the new naming trend is to name the baby after the father. Regardless of the baby's gender. So she has cared for babies named Christopherina, Duwaynisha, and my all-time favorite, Haroldasha.

Gene Weingarten: Yech.

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Arlington, Va.: How to NOT give your kids trash names:

Do not name them after liquor, wine, or cheese
Brie, Brandy, Champagne

Do not name them after any movie star, tv star, news anchor, or soap opera character. Stone, Rock, Raquel

Do not name them a royal or religious title. i.e. Prince, Lord, God, Jesus, King

And the number one rule:
Do not name them them any name that does not appear in the bible twice. Okay, maybe Ebekenezer doesn't need carried on, but you get the point.

Gene Weingarten: These are all good rules, though there are probably fine names that never found their way into the King James Bible. Mohammed, for example.

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Pat the Perfect, ME: "Come see myself" is ridiculous because "myself" is supposed to refer to, well, MYSELF. SELF. SELF. It's a reflexive pronoun. YOU can see yourself in the mirror. Another person can see you. Another person can see himself. But that person cannot see yourself.

Gene Weingarten: Excellent.

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New York, N.Y.: What have you done with Pat? We haven't heard directly from her in some time.

Gene Weingarten: Hahahaha.

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Your muse, your neighbor: I grew a beard, my "hamster-sized" dog, didn't.

Gene Weingarten: Ah, okay. Welcome, then. And WHY DID YOU LEAVE THE CARDBOARD? Actually, I'm impressed. It's like you ... knew.

Okay, that's it for today. Liz informs me that we have surpassed previous records for the number of posts. So I am sorry about the hundreds I could not get to, and thank you all.

Next week.

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Arlington, Va.: You mean you named your daughter Molly instead of naming her Margaret and calling her Molly? That's like naming a kid Jack instead of naming him John and calling him Jack. I think one of the reasons for the weird name crisis is that people started naming their kids nicknames instead of real names.

Gene Weingarten: I am Gene, not Eugene.

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