Anthropomorphic Theater presents everyone's favorite sitcom, "Oh, Those Pandas!" Tonight's episode: "Let's Make a Baby."
[The set: The living room of a walk-up apartment, tastefully decorated with a couch, recliner and hat stand. There are doors stage left, stage right and upstage. On the wall is a framed photograph of Richard Nixon shaking hands with Mao Tse-tung. The upstage door opens, and in walks Tian Tian wearing a rumpled fedora and holding a Samsonite briefcase.]
_____Children's Campaign_____
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Washington Post columnist John Kelly is raising money for the Children's National Medical Center, one of the nation's leading pediatric hospitals. You may make a tax-deductible contribution online anytime between Nov. 29th and Jan. 21st. Thank you for your support.
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_____By John Kelly_____
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A Big Crowd at the High End (The Washington Post, Mar 15, 2005)
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Answer Man: Name That Agency (The Washington Post, Mar 14, 2005)
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A Winter's Tale That Melts Away (The Washington Post, Mar 11, 2005)
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Finding Meaning in the Rinse Cycle (The Washington Post, Mar 10, 2005)
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More Columns
_____Live Discussions_____
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John Kelly's Washington Live (Live Online, Mar 18, 2005)
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John Kelly's Washington Live (Live Online, Mar 11, 2005)
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John Kelly's Washington Live (Live Online, Mar 4, 2005)
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Tian Tian: Honey, I'm home!
[Applause. Tian Tian puts his hat on the hat stand, drops his briefcase by the door, then scratches his belly.]
Mei Xiang [offstage]: I'm in the kitchen, dear!
Tian Tian: Great! I'm starving. What's for dinner?
Mei Xiang: Chinese! [Laughter.]
Tian Tian [Collapsing into La-Z-Boy]: I tell you, honey, it was a bear at the office. A real bear.
Mei Xiang [Entering through kitchen door bearing a tray of cheese puffs]: A real bear, or a panda bear? [Laughter.]
Tian Tian: I bust my butt while the sloth just hangs around. But does he get yelled at? No.
"Oh," he says, "I have a low metabolism." We'll see what his metabolism is like when I use my claws to rip his lungs out.
[Audience reaction: "Ooooooo."]
Tian Tian [continues]: And the tourists. Jeez. It's like working in a fishbowl! The kids are the worst. "Hey, Mr. Panda! Come over here! Want some popcorn?" And look at this . . .
[Tian Tian stands and turns to reveal a massive lollipop stuck to the fur on his back.]
