Blowing Smoke?

Also demand delivery to the courthouse through a basement entrance or, if that's rejected, insist on the shortest perp-walk possible. This is critical. Remember that endless hike the feds took Adelphia Communications Corp. founder John J. Rigas on in Manhattan? Use security concerns -- "The whole town's out to lynch me!" -- not personal embarrassment, as your rationale for this.

And always remember: Wear tight pants. They're going to take your belt away.

Rewinding the Tape

Still no word on that Pentagon inspector general's report on some controversial anti-Muslim statements, caught on videotape, made by Lt. Gen. William G. "Jerry" Boykin, deputy undersecretary of defense for intelligence.

It's been more than seven months since the Pentagon announced the investigation after Boykin, in uniform, talked about the war on terrorism as a "spiritual battle" and made comments disparaging of Islam. Muslims went ballistic.

Back in early April, the Pentagon said to look for a report in the next couple of weeks or so. More than two months have gone by.

Let's see, Maj. Gen. Antonio M. Taguba did his investigation into Abu Ghraib prison in a couple of months or so, beginning in January and finishing in March. Is it that he types faster than others? Or is the speed of the investigation proportional to the rank of the suspect? Lower the rank, shorter the investigation. (Even better when it's a bunch of reservists.) What is that old military expression? Different spanks for different ranks?

Catch-22 in Foggy Bottom

Meanwhile, despite some to-ing and fro-ing, Secretary of State Colin L. Powell made history last week, becoming the first secretary of state to skip a Group of Eight summit on American soil.

And the TV folks, already taken back by what they saw as the chutzpah of State Department press aide Emily Miller for pulling the plug on NBC's Tim Russert interview with Powell, were buzzing over a new media sign-in questionnaire to be filled out and returned to her before interviews with the secretary.

Among the 22 questions asked: the producer's name "(only one in the room)," a "current ratings estimate" and "expected questions and/or topics for the interview."

Also on the overseas front, President Bush has picked Charles Graves Untermeyer, former head of the Voice of America and Bush I White House personnel director, to be ambassador to Qatar.