By Dan Steinberg and Desmond Bieler
The Washington Post
Monday, June 14, 2004; Page D02
So it looks like we'll always have Paris. And Nicole. And possibly that frightening rat-dog. The trio returns this week for "The Simple Life 2," giving the world another chance to ignore televised weirdness from Tampa. But as we bravely enter a summer season of programming more real than a Madrid-Sociedad match, let us hereby suggest some new talent for these repeat installments.
"Hard Knocks," the Lakers: In difficult week, players are asked whether they need to do some soul-searching. Larry Bird says no way, arguing there's already more than enough soul in the NBA.
"The Benefactor," Jim O'Brien: Ohio State coach says he assisted a recruit whose family was in "dire straits," although the player never became a Buckeye. Sounds like somebody got money for nothing.
"Popstars," Right Said Fred: One-hit wonder featured during pregame festivities for World Bowl XII, in a piracy-themed extravaganza. Those "I'm Too Sexy" guys consorting with pirates? Can't quite see that.
"Punk'd," Tampa Tribune: As nation mourns Ronald Reagan's passing, paper's editorial writers express their condolences to the Jimmy Carter family.
"Are You Hot?" Scott Stapp: Former Creed frontman suing strip club for unauthorized use of band's music. Stapp thanked the "anonymous stranger" who tipped him off, noting that he, of course, would never have found out about it otherwise.
"Mr. Personality," Sage Rosenfels: Dolphins quarterback offers to rent himself out for Bar Mitzvahs. Sort of like J-Lo's been doing for weddings.
"Starting Over," Brock Lesnar: WWE star tries out for Vikings. They consider him a project, but figure his experience with all those chairs should come in handy once the team starts folding.
"Boot Camp," Antonio Bryant: Cowboys wide receiver flings jersey in Bill Parcells's face. Fortunately, he prefaced the action by saying "no disrespect to anyone."
"No Boundaries" Barry Bonds: Slugger homers at Camden Yards, but doesn't hit the warehouse. O's fans now waiting to see if his nutritionist will hit the bricks.
"American Candidate," Sen. John McCain: Resists idea of joining Sen. John Kerry's presidential ticket. Hmmm . . . why would a superstar think that hooking up with a Washington team was not such a great idea?
Benched: Bob Huggins, Courtney Love, Bradshaw, Tim Couch, Rush's marriage, Mini-Me's alleged marriage.
© 2004 The Washington Post Company