Trollope suggests that a husband might be worn down and searching for love, that a difficult wife might quietly make a good man's life wretched and that a mistress might be a thoroughly nice woman.
Whether mistresses break up marriages is subject to debate. Some argue that a solid marriage is immune to infidelity and that affairs are therefore symptomatic of serious problems. Others counter that an affair can wound, weaken and potentially destroy an otherwise viable union. A lot depends on where you sit and who you love in the triangle. Ex-wives usually blame the mistress, and society often sides with the wife. Mistresses bear the brunt of public opprobrium because they are typically the single player in the puzzle.
(Library Of Congress)
|
|
Most mistresses-turned-wives -- especially those in ugly, public breakups -- are loath to remind people of their former status and quick to describe their love affair as a power impossible to resist, not a choice they made. (Judith Giuliani did not respond to an interview request for this article; Suzy Welch, who met General Electric CEO Jack Welch while he was still married to his second wife, declined to comment.) But in an interview with "60 Minutes Wednesday" last week, the former Suzy Wetlaufer explained: "There was no denying what was happening. We were falling in love. We were not unaware of the fact -- circumstances -- I was divorced. But Jack was not. And the circumstances were not perfect or what you would wish in such a situation."
After their affair became public, Welch said she was shocked by the tabloid headlines describing her as a calculating and promiscuous home wrecker. "It felt like I was reading about someone else."
Last month, Bishop David Stancliffe of the Church of England said Charles must issue an apology to Camilla's ex-husband, Andrew Parker Bowles, for committing adultery and breaking up his marriage. True, Bowles himself had plenty of affairs. And yes, Princess Diana had her share of lovers while still married to Charles. That's not the point. The point is that the married (unhappily, but nonetheless still married) Charles made the choice to resume his affair with Camilla, and the church wanted him to admit that was wrong.
When Jack Welch broke the rules, all hell broke loose. He told Dan Rather why: "The guy is married. He falls in love. He runs off with the woman. Christ, if I was a journalist, I'd write a scandalous story. It's a pretty good story. I mean, it's a good story. But I don't care. I fell in love."
From a historical perspective, marriages were carefully arranged for political, economic and class alliances. Mistresses were a divine right of kings, says Eleanor Herman, author of "Sex With Kings: 500 Years of Adultery, Power, Rivalry, and Revenge," and they controlled the market on sex and love.
"The king was a man who had married for political purposes to serve his country," says Herman. "It was personal sacrifice on his part. As a man, he should have a beautiful young woman of his own choosing."
Henry VIII of England changed the rules when he replaced his queen, Catherine, with his mistress, Anne Boleyn, who was pregnant with Henry's child. The king, desperate to marry so the baby would be legitimate, broke with Rome, created the Church of England and made Anne queen. (Alas, Anne lost his heart and, soon after, her head. The baby became Queen Elizabeth I, who understandably never married any of her lovers.) Over the next two centuries, there were dozens, maybe hundreds, of royal mistresses, but only a handful of marriages.
The most shocking mistress scandal in modern English history was when King Edward VIII, unmarried and with no heirs, was forced to abdicate his throne to wed a twice-divorced American, Wallis Warfield Simpson. The ensuing constitutional crisis condemned the Duke and Duchess of Windsor to wander Europe as the world's best-dressed exiles; the British royal family vilified the duchess for 50 years.
Then came Charles and Camilla.
The biggest problem with their love affair in recent years was the ghost of Princess Diana.
The beautiful young bride of Charles expected, among other things, fidelity from her husband. Charles is rumored to have asked her, "Do you expect me to be the first Prince of Wales in history who hasn't had a mistress?" She did. He didn't. Diana blamed Camilla for all her misery, and died before she could forgive or forget her rival.
Camilla, by all accounts, has been a near-perfect mistress: discreet, loyal, utterly devoted, full of good humor and common sense. The desire to marry was reportedly driven by Charles, who became increasingly frustrated by social etiquette that prevented the unmarried couple from sitting and traveling together. "He does not wish her to be a mistress," says Elizabeth Abbott, author of "A History of Mistresses." "I don't think she has a problem with it."
Eager to avoid the debacle of Edward VIII, Charles waged a patient and careful public-relations campaign with his family and subjects to finally make Camilla his queen. Camilla became the Duchess of Cornwall yesterday, and her title will be Princess Consort when Charles ascends the throne.
Princes William and Harry officially gave their blessings, and Queen Elizabeth II attended the blessing service but not the civil ceremony -- no reflection of disapproval, but in keeping with the couple's desire for a low-key affair.
An astrologer's prediction that the wedding date was inauspicious proved true when Pope John Paul II died and the ceremony was postponed by a day.
But Camilla got her man and a ring. "It's quite rare," says Abbott. "Camilla is a big exception. She has overcome every possible odd to actually marry him."
Sir Jimmy Goldsmith famously quipped, "If you marry your mistress, you create a vacancy." But Abbott predicts that Charles and Camilla will beat the odds -- and any more tabloid headlines. "One, they're going to stay together. Two, she's not going to lord it over anybody. Three, his kids like her." And four? "At a certain point, people are going to get sick of the subject."
Which means, in the not-so-distant future, she'll just be the boring old wife of the boring old prince. A victory, of sorts, for mistresses everywhere.
