Match spokeswoman Kristin Kelly says the canned replies were introduced in response to member requests for convenient ways to turn down unappealing admirers. It's also good business. "If we can minimize some of the low points of dating, that's going to create a happier and more successful community of single people," says Kelly.
Some agree that they're certainly efficient in a medium criticized during many a martini-soaked rant for being rude and ruthlessly transactional. But whether they're a kinder way to let someone down is still up for debate.
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When Cliff Zigmond, 30, sent out an electronic "wink" (an online form of flirting that falls short of an e-mail) to a woman after signing on to Match.com about two weeks ago, he was delighted to get an e-mail from her. But when he opened it, he found an automated, and what he considered a rather blunt, response: "[Put name here] has received your wink and reviewed your profile, but is not interested."
"I was slightly put off at first," says the telecommunications manager from Logan Circle. "But I gave it more thought and I appreciated it. I had winked at so many profiles and had never received any acknowledgment. It doesn't leave you wondering. After the initial slight pang, I got over it."
But Jeremy DeBauche, 27, longs for the days when women just ignored. "I think people would rather not know that someone is definitely not interested in them," says the salesman from Arlington. "It's like a slap in the face."
However, DeBauche distinguishes between winks (called "icebreakers" in Yahoo! lingo), which take relatively little effort, and actual e-mails, which can take a lot. If he spends time to write an e-mail, he appreciates a response, even if it's telling him to move on.
At first, Susan Covell, 33, an artist from Kensington, loved the instant responses since it made her job of sorting through the dozens of e-mails she received on Yahoo! Personals each week easier -- that is, until she got zinged.
She particularly hates the wording of one reply: "We're definitely not a good match."
"It says, 'Why were you even thinking of e-mailing me?' The way it's worded, it's not very nice," she complains. "It feels like you're breaking up with someone you've never had a relationship with."
Yahoo! spokeswoman Rochelle Adams says that the wording isn't intended to be offensive. The top-ranked rejection is more forgiving: "Thanks, but I've just met someone and want to see what develops."
