(Will they bite you?! Your kids?! Tonight on Fox 5!)
Turns out: That free futon? Was covered with fleas from their cat.
(Katherine Frey For The Washington Post)
|
|
There's a map of the United States showing where the brown recluse spider lives (mostly the South and lower Midwest) and yet you cannot walk into a basement in any state without thinking of one. You know not to water-ski where the sea nettles are in the Chesapeake Bay (they have signs on the shore, telling you not to do it, you genius).
You know that they shot Old Yeller because they thought he had rabies.
You don't want to get bit.
West Nile! (Slap.) West Nile! (Slap.)
I'm getting eaten alive out here. Whose idea was this?
Monkey bites a 2-year-old kid in early August in a Brooklyn grocery store. Monkey owner, who is disabled and apparently uses the monkey as some sort of health-care aide, says the kid pulled the monkey's fur. Family disagrees. But for now, let's side with the monkey.
Michael Jackson, late to court two years ago. The reason, your honor? Neverland was being fumigated and a spider bit Jacko on the hand.
Lights out! Don't let the bedbugs bite, even though microscopes and the household cleanser industry have shown us fairly convincing evidence that they are biting all the time, even in four-star hotels. (Mr. Burns, in a "Simpsons" episode, goes all Howard Hughes about this, loses his mind, starts walking around the manse with Kleenex boxes on his feet, for protection; he can see microbes, microbes everywhere. "Freemasons rule the world!" they shout, in tiny, tiny voices.)
Oooh, raccoons! On the porch! Hi, guys!
Come out here and look at this wasp's nest by the garage door. (No, don't use the pool cue. Sweetie, please don't.)
Szzzttt!
Or: Snap! Chomp!
