Money Is Name of the Game
By Norman Chad
Monday, July 12, 2004; Page D02
As part of its ongoing 25th-anniversary celebration, ESPN is tracking down kids named after the network. Since 2000, at least three children have that distinction -- Espen Blondeel in Michigan and Espn Curiel and ESPN Malachi McCall in Texas.
Why would anyone name a child after a cable sports network?
What, they should name 'em after a home shopping network?
The answer, of course, is money. ESPN makes a lot of it; most anything ESPN touches makes a lot of it. So, in theory, a two-legged ESPN has a head start against other two-legged mortals. Who do you think stands a better chance of landing that dream job, ESPN Classic Jr. or John Q. Public?
(By the way, the full name of my first-born is Fox Sports Net Rocky Mountain Chad. Around the house, though, we just call him FX.)
Speaking of money, this is the time of year folks can use an extra 10 bits for vacation needs, so as a public service, we present an expanded $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway!
Q. The Tour de France is so awesome, do you think it would ever be held in the United States? (Jim Shehan; Hayden Lake, Idaho)
A. That's a wonderful idea, but the problem would be that the United States, technically, is not part of France. I mean, you wouldn't run the Indianapolis 500 in Baghdad, would you?
Q. I know you're a degenerate and have a built-in bias here, but can you explain to me how poker is on television more than Katie Couric? (Doug Todd; Albany, N.Y.)
A. We are a nation of gamblers. I have always contended if you left the proverbial "little old lady from Pasadena" in an isolation tank with a vending machine and a slot machine -- even if she hadn't eaten for a week -- she would pull the slot machine lever first.
Q. I just discovered something disturbing -- my Sparkletts water bottle has an expiration date. Does water go bad? (Michael B. Ingoldsby; Dorchester, Mass.)
A. My goodness, when did bottled water become the eternal elixir? I see women everywhere carrying around jugs of Dasani like they're expecting a drought between here and Starbucks. Geez. Doesn't anyone use a water fountain anymore? I half expect to walk into a bar and hear someone ordering a Scotch-and-Aquafina.
Q. What are you wearing to the ESPY Awards this year? (Kelly Morgan; Greenwood, S.C.)
A. Actually, the valet parking company provides us with uniforms.
© 2004 The Washington Post Company